Uncle Duke
@uncleduke1969.bsky.social
Does this look infected?
Just My Nonsense:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaab3yqtmpox2
My Least Worst:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaadpxkw36ag6
Just My Nonsense:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaab3yqtmpox2
My Least Worst:
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaadpxkw36ag6
Pinned
“I asked you not to do it. I said, Charlie, please don’t make your stupid joke, it’s not funny. But, still, when the waiter brought the check, what did you say? What did you say, Charlie?”
“No thanks, I’ve already got a big bill.”
“It’s like going out to dinner with my father!”
“No thanks, I’ve already got a big bill.”
“It’s like going out to dinner with my father!”
December 16, 2025 at 2:17 PM
“I asked you not to do it. I said, Charlie, please don’t make your stupid joke, it’s not funny. But, still, when the waiter brought the check, what did you say? What did you say, Charlie?”
“No thanks, I’ve already got a big bill.”
“It’s like going out to dinner with my father!”
“No thanks, I’ve already got a big bill.”
“It’s like going out to dinner with my father!”
Reposted by Uncle Duke
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Morris?”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
December 15, 2025 at 1:58 PM
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Morris?”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there,” and I have not felt that level of job satisfaction since.
December 16, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there,” and I have not felt that level of job satisfaction since.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Gf: You never take anything seriously
Me: *Miss Piggy voice* Moi?!
Me: *Miss Piggy voice* Moi?!
December 16, 2025 at 4:02 AM
Gf: You never take anything seriously
Me: *Miss Piggy voice* Moi?!
Me: *Miss Piggy voice* Moi?!
Reposted by Uncle Duke
*placing my old acquaintance in a special place so I won't forget.
December 15, 2025 at 3:32 PM
*placing my old acquaintance in a special place so I won't forget.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
i charge my phone with perjury wait no that can’t be right . i charge my phone with kidnapping nope that’s not it . i charge my phone with assault huh what. i charge my phone with battery yep there it is
December 15, 2025 at 2:51 PM
i charge my phone with perjury wait no that can’t be right . i charge my phone with kidnapping nope that’s not it . i charge my phone with assault huh what. i charge my phone with battery yep there it is
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Living in constant fear that my son told some kid at school I could beat up his dad.
December 15, 2025 at 2:30 PM
Living in constant fear that my son told some kid at school I could beat up his dad.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
daughter: and this one?
me: also carrots
daughter: I don't like carrots
me: I know
[how I've kept my 3 year old from opening the family gifts under the tree]
me: also carrots
daughter: I don't like carrots
me: I know
[how I've kept my 3 year old from opening the family gifts under the tree]
December 15, 2025 at 10:37 PM
daughter: and this one?
me: also carrots
daughter: I don't like carrots
me: I know
[how I've kept my 3 year old from opening the family gifts under the tree]
me: also carrots
daughter: I don't like carrots
me: I know
[how I've kept my 3 year old from opening the family gifts under the tree]
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Her: Could you pass the salt and pepper?
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
December 15, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Her: Could you pass the salt and pepper?
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
December 15, 2025 at 6:56 PM
The devil on my left shoulder says "bring frozen fish sticks to the office potluck"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
And the worse devil on my right shoulder says "and then cook them in the staff lounge microwave"
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight; I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
May 30, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Bugs Bunny taught me my choices aren’t limited to fight or flight; I can also pretend I’m a pretty lady.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
[when a map app estimates how long it will take me to get somewhere] but I am not like the others, I am faster, better
December 16, 2025 at 1:44 PM
[when a map app estimates how long it will take me to get somewhere] but I am not like the others, I am faster, better
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Reposted by Uncle Duke
It’s all good, except for the parts that are not all good.
December 11, 2025 at 1:46 PM
It’s all good, except for the parts that are not all good.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Sometimes I listen to the live version of you in case every detail of your day just shreds
December 15, 2025 at 4:54 PM
Sometimes I listen to the live version of you in case every detail of your day just shreds
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Decided I’m too pretty to suffer
December 16, 2025 at 1:28 PM
Decided I’m too pretty to suffer
Reposted by Uncle Duke
one of my fave things in life is by the time my kids get up i’ve been awake for hours and am all cheery and chatty and they want to push me down the stairs
December 16, 2025 at 1:55 PM
one of my fave things in life is by the time my kids get up i’ve been awake for hours and am all cheery and chatty and they want to push me down the stairs
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Just polished off the last of a tube of toothpaste and now I'm ready to sit in judgement of all mankind
December 16, 2025 at 3:42 AM
Just polished off the last of a tube of toothpaste and now I'm ready to sit in judgement of all mankind
Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there,” and I have not felt that level of job satisfaction since.
December 16, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Years ago, I worked for a company that sold sandwiches in airports. I once got a complaint email that someone’s chicken cordon bleu sandwich was missing the chicken. I replied that “cordon bleu” was French for “not there,” and I have not felt that level of job satisfaction since.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
My English professor knocked my grade because he says I use a/an improperly. What a nasshole.
December 15, 2025 at 2:45 PM
My English professor knocked my grade because he says I use a/an improperly. What a nasshole.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
There are many things I like about winter, the holiday lights and cosy fires, hot cocoa and making snow angels, but my favourite of all is how I can see my breath escaping my lips.
It lets me I know I’m not dead yet.
It lets me I know I’m not dead yet.
December 15, 2025 at 2:51 PM
There are many things I like about winter, the holiday lights and cosy fires, hot cocoa and making snow angels, but my favourite of all is how I can see my breath escaping my lips.
It lets me I know I’m not dead yet.
It lets me I know I’m not dead yet.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I'm afraid I'll never understand string theory or people.
December 15, 2025 at 7:16 PM
I'm afraid I'll never understand string theory or people.
Reposted by Uncle Duke
Phlegm is a gross word, right? Anyway, that'll dab right off sorry
December 15, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Phlegm is a gross word, right? Anyway, that'll dab right off sorry
Reposted by Uncle Duke
I’m going to surprise my wife with a gym membership for Christmas. This is a good plan with no possible downside.
December 15, 2025 at 11:49 PM
I’m going to surprise my wife with a gym membership for Christmas. This is a good plan with no possible downside.
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Morris?”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
December 15, 2025 at 1:58 PM
“Whatcha lookin’ at, Morris?”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”
“Not a fucking thing, Walter.”