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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

@unfitz.bsky.social

22K followers 2.6K following 11K posts

Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only. He/him/his Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · Oct 11

I never finish anything. I have a black belt in partial arts.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 15h

some say it’s art, some say it’s not

Golden lamp in the shape of a nose with a bulb hanging from the right nostril.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 15h

Solsbury Hill came on and I wrote a complete 90s romcom in 4 minutes

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

bloody bacon popsicle 💤 @gupton68.bsky.social · 16h

I just managed to fall asleep standing up so don’t tell me men don’t know how to multitask.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 10h

Reverse cowgirl, because the merry go round is more exciting facing backward.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 13h

Me: this place smells like weed

Boss: you smell like weed

Me: maybe that's it

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 13h

When I was your age, searching for a phrase in quotes returned results for that exact phrase

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

[Sic] Burns @sicburns2.bsky.social · 12h

Oh no pornhub added “autistic men” as a category didn’t they

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · 12h

A merry-go-round is just a Lazy Susan for kids.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Reverie 💀🕯️ @augustreverie.bsky.social · 12h

In lieu of crying, I will eat all of these 3 Musketeers Minis

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 12h

i’m so relieved he didn’t win the nobel prize otherwise i’d have had to throw mine away

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 1d

This morning in carpool, a SUV barrelled up ten minutes early and bypassed the entire thing by using the out lane and dropped off a kid. I never saw such a breach of procedure. As he sped past me on his way out, I looked in his eyes and saw a grandpa that def said, "I am too old for this shit"

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 12h

Look, I just feel like I shouldn’t have to bend over backward to get an exorcism

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 11h

Paw Blart

A cat in a "SECURITY" coat sits on a polished tile floor.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · 11h

Moral of the story is if you want a qualified President, don’t pick one from The Apprentice.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

trickyNOtreat 🎃 @trickykat.bsky.social · 15h

real shitposters only use lower case because we are anti-capitalism

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 1d

upon my death i request to be placed in a clawfoot tub filled with marshmallows and suspended over a fire so people can make s’mores out of me

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 1d

I see you reposted me. Is it because your wife is out of town?

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 1d

Son: i think im suffering from food poisoning

Me: you ate a vegetable, you’re not suffering from food poisoning

Son: oh i suffered

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 1d

I'm sick of my awesome personality ruining lives and children's parties.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 1d

My most hilarious posts get the fewest likes, it’s science.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 1d

Any chance to wear my rhinestone jean jacket is why I never miss jury duty.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 1d

Rob! Rob, it’s Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Zombie!

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 23h

Not to brag or anything, but I got one of those ‘we’ll keep you in mind for future opportunities’ emails.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

bloody bacon popsicle 💤 @gupton68.bsky.social · Oct 3

Whatever your age, I think you should try to learn something new every day. Today I learned that 55 year old men shouldn’t run for trains.

Discovering that ambulance beds are surprisingly comfortable was merely a bonus lesson.

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Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜

S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 19h

What’s wrong with people who actually reach out after you said “feel free to reach out if you need anything”?

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