𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Jan 9
I have a favorite song about driving a train while high on cocaine. But I’m not going to tell you what it is. You have to guess.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
who up reminding gooners to stay hydrated
January 22, 2026 at 9:41 AM
who up reminding gooners to stay hydrated
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I live my life like every second is being recorded hi fans
January 22, 2026 at 10:17 AM
I live my life like every second is being recorded hi fans
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Yoda: Always two, there are
Highlander: There can only be one
Yoda: Asked you, no one has.
Highlander: There can only be one
Yoda: Asked you, no one has.
January 22, 2026 at 10:27 AM
Yoda: Always two, there are
Highlander: There can only be one
Yoda: Asked you, no one has.
Highlander: There can only be one
Yoda: Asked you, no one has.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
So let me get this straight…
To enter a country I don’t even want to visit rn, I now have to submit my memes, my bad jokes, my 3am personality crisis, and pass the creepy orange reality-show vibe check?
To enter a country I don’t even want to visit rn, I now have to submit my memes, my bad jokes, my 3am personality crisis, and pass the creepy orange reality-show vibe check?
January 22, 2026 at 10:31 AM
So let me get this straight…
To enter a country I don’t even want to visit rn, I now have to submit my memes, my bad jokes, my 3am personality crisis, and pass the creepy orange reality-show vibe check?
To enter a country I don’t even want to visit rn, I now have to submit my memes, my bad jokes, my 3am personality crisis, and pass the creepy orange reality-show vibe check?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If I had a time machine, I would take all your best skeets to a younger version of you so you know how great you become
January 22, 2026 at 2:53 AM
If I had a time machine, I would take all your best skeets to a younger version of you so you know how great you become
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
here’s a QR code that sends you to a site you need a special code to register for. also, your child’s social life depends on how well you perform this unpaid bureaucratic emotional labor for strangers. be grateful. (the PTA)
January 22, 2026 at 10:45 AM
here’s a QR code that sends you to a site you need a special code to register for. also, your child’s social life depends on how well you perform this unpaid bureaucratic emotional labor for strangers. be grateful. (the PTA)
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Stop. You had me at death pact.
January 22, 2026 at 2:49 AM
Stop. You had me at death pact.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Homer Simpson was on to something with the recliner toilet idea
January 22, 2026 at 4:29 AM
Homer Simpson was on to something with the recliner toilet idea
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
folks i gotta say, if you think screaming at your reps over the phone rocks, it is even better at a city council meeting ❤️
January 22, 2026 at 6:03 AM
folks i gotta say, if you think screaming at your reps over the phone rocks, it is even better at a city council meeting ❤️
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Maybe I was put here to be a living example for others who think "what would it look like if I really let myself go"
January 22, 2026 at 10:41 AM
Maybe I was put here to be a living example for others who think "what would it look like if I really let myself go"
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
𝘐 𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘯𝘦 is my favorite song about a field sobriety test.
March 19, 2025 at 10:52 AM
𝘐 𝘞𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘓𝘪𝘯𝘦 is my favorite song about a field sobriety test.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 871. The Vikings of the Danelaw celebrated a memorable victory in battle at Basing over West Saxon king Æthelred and his poncy brother Alfred the Great hence the expression Basingstoked.
January 22, 2026 at 9:29 AM
This day in history. 871. The Vikings of the Danelaw celebrated a memorable victory in battle at Basing over West Saxon king Æthelred and his poncy brother Alfred the Great hence the expression Basingstoked.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
It's important to choose joy so I got a new shower curtain
January 22, 2026 at 2:56 AM
It's important to choose joy so I got a new shower curtain
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Adding funny people to BlueSky lists without following them is the same reason Napster died
January 22, 2026 at 12:56 AM
Adding funny people to BlueSky lists without following them is the same reason Napster died
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*shuffles around on carpet in fuzzy socks for several minutes*
Okay, let’s go to your stalled car and give this a try.
Okay, let’s go to your stalled car and give this a try.
January 21, 2026 at 11:40 PM
*shuffles around on carpet in fuzzy socks for several minutes*
Okay, let’s go to your stalled car and give this a try.
Okay, let’s go to your stalled car and give this a try.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*being murdered*
him: you should of just kept your mouth shut
me: no, I should HAVE jus-
*gets stabbed another 84 times*
him: you should of just kept your mouth shut
me: no, I should HAVE jus-
*gets stabbed another 84 times*
October 16, 2024 at 1:01 PM
*being murdered*
him: you should of just kept your mouth shut
me: no, I should HAVE jus-
*gets stabbed another 84 times*
him: you should of just kept your mouth shut
me: no, I should HAVE jus-
*gets stabbed another 84 times*
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
He also forgot he's supposed to just apologze and not stick up for himself this is amazing 🏆👑 Congratulations @unfitz.bsky.social from @trickykat.bsky.social
Her: You forgot our anniversary again.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
January 21, 2026 at 10:45 PM
He also forgot he's supposed to just apologze and not stick up for himself this is amazing 🏆👑 Congratulations @unfitz.bsky.social from @trickykat.bsky.social
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
i play a game at dinner where i toss one uncooked fusillo into the pasta. when we hear a crunch we’ve got a winner
January 21, 2026 at 1:49 AM
i play a game at dinner where i toss one uncooked fusillo into the pasta. when we hear a crunch we’ve got a winner
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I feel like I have run out of intelligent things to say, so I'm starting from the beginning again, only this time I am saying them all backwards in a lower voice and with my eyes rolled far back into my head.
January 21, 2026 at 8:24 PM
I feel like I have run out of intelligent things to say, so I'm starting from the beginning again, only this time I am saying them all backwards in a lower voice and with my eyes rolled far back into my head.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
everyone is fighting a battle i can see i am the battle seer
January 21, 2026 at 4:52 PM
everyone is fighting a battle i can see i am the battle seer
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
When I say funny things in my house only a few people laugh. Look, I love my family but this is not sustainable.
January 21, 2026 at 5:16 PM
When I say funny things in my house only a few people laugh. Look, I love my family but this is not sustainable.
Her: You forgot our anniversary again.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
January 21, 2026 at 8:18 PM
Her: You forgot our anniversary again.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
Him (a goldfish): Brenda, you knew what I was when you married me.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I have officially retired from making jokes about politics. only poopoopeepee from here on out.
January 21, 2026 at 5:00 PM
I have officially retired from making jokes about politics. only poopoopeepee from here on out.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
one day you and your spouse will have your last anniversary and you probably won't even know it
pass the cake
pass the cake
January 21, 2026 at 4:31 PM
one day you and your spouse will have your last anniversary and you probably won't even know it
pass the cake
pass the cake
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
idle hands are how you end up learning something extremely specific at 2am
January 21, 2026 at 4:27 PM
idle hands are how you end up learning something extremely specific at 2am