𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Jan 9
I have a favorite song about driving a train while high on cocaine. But I’m not going to tell you what it is. You have to guess.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Your outie trusts the accuracy of AI.
January 21, 2026 at 12:02 AM
Your outie trusts the accuracy of AI.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Ninjas prefer knives because of the silent letter.
September 11, 2024 at 10:22 PM
Ninjas prefer knives because of the silent letter.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The best way to avoid accidentally cutting yourself when slicing vegetables with a sharp knife is to get your kids to hold them instead.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.
April 22, 2025 at 12:52 PM
The best way to avoid accidentally cutting yourself when slicing vegetables with a sharp knife is to get your kids to hold them instead.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.
Tune in tomorrow for another secret the Illuminati don't want you to know.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
On March 28th, 1962, Brian's mom said she would pick him and his friend Tom up at 3pm, and they absolutely weren't, under any circumstances, to leave.
January 21, 2026 at 2:05 AM
On March 28th, 1962, Brian's mom said she would pick him and his friend Tom up at 3pm, and they absolutely weren't, under any circumstances, to leave.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Don't forget to overreact to something you read on the internet today.
June 27, 2024 at 1:02 PM
Don't forget to overreact to something you read on the internet today.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 1959. Crime-fighting forensic pathologist Frances Gertrude McGill, the Sherlock Holmes of Saskatchewan, died when her evil nemesis curling instructor Gordie Moriarty slipped a little-known asiatic poison into her hot cocoa.
January 21, 2026 at 9:24 AM
This day in history. 1959. Crime-fighting forensic pathologist Frances Gertrude McGill, the Sherlock Holmes of Saskatchewan, died when her evil nemesis curling instructor Gordie Moriarty slipped a little-known asiatic poison into her hot cocoa.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
a premature ejaculator’s great great great great great grandfather who fought in the American revolution was also known as a minuteman
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
January 20, 2026 at 3:53 PM
a premature ejaculator’s great great great great great grandfather who fought in the American revolution was also known as a minuteman
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
*annnnnnnnd, send 👻*
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
They were going to get rid of decimals but then nobody would see the point 🏆👑 Congratulations @unfitz.bsky.social from @prettyvulgar.bsky.social
Who called it book banning instead of the Dewey Decimate System?
January 20, 2026 at 9:00 PM
They were going to get rid of decimals but then nobody would see the point 🏆👑 Congratulations @unfitz.bsky.social from @prettyvulgar.bsky.social
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
things could be worse you could be one of those people at the gym working out in jeans
January 20, 2026 at 7:09 PM
things could be worse you could be one of those people at the gym working out in jeans
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
At bsky headquarters they have a leaderboard of who refreshes the site the most and they look at it and shake their heads sadly
January 20, 2026 at 5:29 PM
At bsky headquarters they have a leaderboard of who refreshes the site the most and they look at it and shake their heads sadly
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
When i hear the word "obvious" I like to take a moment to think about all the people to whom it wasn't
January 20, 2026 at 6:46 PM
When i hear the word "obvious" I like to take a moment to think about all the people to whom it wasn't
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
if you ever hear someone whistling at my funeral, that’s who killed me
January 20, 2026 at 9:44 AM
if you ever hear someone whistling at my funeral, that’s who killed me
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
"Anxiety will probably kill me before any of the wild things I am anxious about do" except it's 2026 and I live in the US
January 20, 2026 at 2:07 PM
"Anxiety will probably kill me before any of the wild things I am anxious about do" except it's 2026 and I live in the US
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Culdezac, the French author, was known for his gritty tales of suburban dad life. His novel, "The Lawnmower of the Valley" is a must read.
August 4, 2024 at 10:17 PM
Culdezac, the French author, was known for his gritty tales of suburban dad life. His novel, "The Lawnmower of the Valley" is a must read.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
You can't judge a book by its intentionally left blank page.
January 20, 2026 at 5:22 PM
You can't judge a book by its intentionally left blank page.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Every once in a while, I think about my Neopets that’ve been starving since ‘99 and feel a pang of guilt
January 20, 2026 at 5:58 PM
Every once in a while, I think about my Neopets that’ve been starving since ‘99 and feel a pang of guilt
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
inventing little pants to go under your normal pants. think i’ll call them underoverpants
January 20, 2026 at 5:57 PM
inventing little pants to go under your normal pants. think i’ll call them underoverpants
Me: Waiter, there’s a fly in my primordial soup.
Him: Apologies, sir. I’ll ask it to evolve into something more pleasant.
Him: Apologies, sir. I’ll ask it to evolve into something more pleasant.
January 20, 2026 at 6:07 PM
Me: Waiter, there’s a fly in my primordial soup.
Him: Apologies, sir. I’ll ask it to evolve into something more pleasant.
Him: Apologies, sir. I’ll ask it to evolve into something more pleasant.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I think I’ll be a cutie patootie tomorrow to dunk on my haters.
January 20, 2026 at 6:36 AM
I think I’ll be a cutie patootie tomorrow to dunk on my haters.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
last ditch efforts are definitely my favorite efforts
January 20, 2026 at 7:07 AM
last ditch efforts are definitely my favorite efforts
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I feel like the value in being named Greg is slipping
January 20, 2026 at 1:33 PM
I feel like the value in being named Greg is slipping
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
What if it's not you? What if, and hear me out, they don't know how to love or be loved?
January 20, 2026 at 1:35 PM
What if it's not you? What if, and hear me out, they don't know how to love or be loved?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Ever fart so bad you feel obligated to plant three tree saplings to offset the damage you did.
January 20, 2026 at 1:37 PM
Ever fart so bad you feel obligated to plant three tree saplings to offset the damage you did.