𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
Fugitive warlord. Indicted crypto kingpin. Disgraced former intern. Dry clean only.
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
He/him/his
Fitzy’s Funtastic Feed: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:eeuovmdmopwss5bsf7el3ra7/feed/aaabi4hywtg5g
Pinned
𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
@unfitz.bsky.social
· Aug 13
When people say to me “I’ve had enough of your nonsense” I give them a little more of my nonsense, in case they were just being polite.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
i need consolation
i just plucked out a white nose hair
i just plucked out a white nose hair
November 25, 2025 at 7:30 PM
i need consolation
i just plucked out a white nose hair
i just plucked out a white nose hair
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
ordering a “Philadelphia cheesesteak sandwich” and getting my ass kicked
November 25, 2025 at 4:52 PM
ordering a “Philadelphia cheesesteak sandwich” and getting my ass kicked
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I thought i was here alone but I just got busted singing to the cat
🎶We built this kitty
We built this kitty on rock n roll🎶
🎶We built this kitty
We built this kitty on rock n roll🎶
November 25, 2025 at 7:08 PM
I thought i was here alone but I just got busted singing to the cat
🎶We built this kitty
We built this kitty on rock n roll🎶
🎶We built this kitty
We built this kitty on rock n roll🎶
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If I was a glove, I would help hamburger
November 25, 2025 at 8:08 PM
If I was a glove, I would help hamburger
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
November 25, 2025 at 2:06 PM
“I AM A GOLDEN GOD!”
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
If old movies taught me anything it’s how awesome it would be to have my own skeleton army.
November 25, 2025 at 1:38 PM
If old movies taught me anything it’s how awesome it would be to have my own skeleton army.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
make your kid’s birthday party a special one they’ll be talking about in therapy for years to come
November 25, 2025 at 5:05 PM
make your kid’s birthday party a special one they’ll be talking about in therapy for years to come
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Anytime I’m near a crying baby, I try to toss skittles into its mouth from across the room
November 25, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Anytime I’m near a crying baby, I try to toss skittles into its mouth from across the room
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
i’m from a swing district and that means we sleep with all of our neighbors
November 25, 2025 at 2:27 PM
i’m from a swing district and that means we sleep with all of our neighbors
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
TEXT: I thought you said to meet at the statue of the topless woman riding a massive rooster
TEXT: Correct, I’m here
TEXT: I’m here too
TEXT: I don’t see you. Is the woman holding a giant fork?
TEXT: No
TEXT: You’re in the wrong place
TEXT: Correct, I’m here
TEXT: I’m here too
TEXT: I don’t see you. Is the woman holding a giant fork?
TEXT: No
TEXT: You’re in the wrong place
November 25, 2025 at 2:32 PM
TEXT: I thought you said to meet at the statue of the topless woman riding a massive rooster
TEXT: Correct, I’m here
TEXT: I’m here too
TEXT: I don’t see you. Is the woman holding a giant fork?
TEXT: No
TEXT: You’re in the wrong place
TEXT: Correct, I’m here
TEXT: I’m here too
TEXT: I don’t see you. Is the woman holding a giant fork?
TEXT: No
TEXT: You’re in the wrong place
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
I know one thing for sure: "turlet" is the funniest way to say toilet
November 25, 2025 at 2:36 PM
I know one thing for sure: "turlet" is the funniest way to say toilet
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Microdosing thankfulness this week by hitting snooze one extra time per day until I achieve restfulness or unemployment.
November 25, 2025 at 12:54 PM
Microdosing thankfulness this week by hitting snooze one extra time per day until I achieve restfulness or unemployment.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Christmas budget: ditch loved ones, buy books for myself.
November 25, 2025 at 11:13 AM
Christmas budget: ditch loved ones, buy books for myself.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The test subjects in the beta project today were labelled "testees" and my inner 13 year old absolutely frolicked
November 24, 2025 at 9:58 PM
The test subjects in the beta project today were labelled "testees" and my inner 13 year old absolutely frolicked
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
The 5 stages of Man:
1) drink from boobs
2) stare at boobs
3) play with boobs
4) grow your own boobs
5) what are boobs?
1) drink from boobs
2) stare at boobs
3) play with boobs
4) grow your own boobs
5) what are boobs?
January 8, 2024 at 2:04 PM
The 5 stages of Man:
1) drink from boobs
2) stare at boobs
3) play with boobs
4) grow your own boobs
5) what are boobs?
1) drink from boobs
2) stare at boobs
3) play with boobs
4) grow your own boobs
5) what are boobs?
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
This day in history. 1976. OJ Simpson ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions not stopping until authorities agreed to let him talk to his mother.
November 25, 2023 at 10:34 AM
This day in history. 1976. OJ Simpson ran for 273 yards against the Detroit Lions not stopping until authorities agreed to let him talk to his mother.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
we could have just gone to couples therapy, charlie brown
November 25, 2025 at 7:52 AM
we could have just gone to couples therapy, charlie brown
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Only 3ish people should ever take me seriously, and even then, I like to keep them guessing
November 24, 2025 at 10:42 PM
Only 3ish people should ever take me seriously, and even then, I like to keep them guessing
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
*Foo Fighters song comes on the car radio*
Her: I can’t believe they’re playing this on the oldies station.
Me: This is a classic rock station.
Her: Same thing.
Me: *stops car* Get out.
Her: I can’t believe they’re playing this on the oldies station.
Me: This is a classic rock station.
Her: Same thing.
Me: *stops car* Get out.
November 24, 2025 at 11:36 PM
*Foo Fighters song comes on the car radio*
Her: I can’t believe they’re playing this on the oldies station.
Me: This is a classic rock station.
Her: Same thing.
Me: *stops car* Get out.
Her: I can’t believe they’re playing this on the oldies station.
Me: This is a classic rock station.
Her: Same thing.
Me: *stops car* Get out.
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
take this buzzfeed quiz to find out which horseman of the apocalypse you are
November 24, 2025 at 11:28 PM
take this buzzfeed quiz to find out which horseman of the apocalypse you are
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
November 24, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
i have something to say
November 25, 2025 at 1:18 AM
i have something to say
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
(me, who never even leaves the house) i could be a space pirate
November 25, 2025 at 1:10 AM
(me, who never even leaves the house) i could be a space pirate
Reposted by 𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜
Oops, forgot to post about yesterday’s Sunday brunch special. It was a good one.
November 24, 2025 at 6:49 PM
Oops, forgot to post about yesterday’s Sunday brunch special. It was a good one.