Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
Pinned
Lizzlepants 🐒
@lizzlepants.bsky.social
· Oct 16
can’t, my gen x syndrome is actin up
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Thanksbutnothanksgiving
November 25, 2025 at 8:11 PM
Thanksbutnothanksgiving
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(me, who never even leaves the house) i could be a space pirate
November 25, 2025 at 1:10 AM
(me, who never even leaves the house) i could be a space pirate
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The universe is balanced. For every *‘live, laugh, love’* person, there’s someone like me muttering *‘die motherfucker’* into their coffee.
June 9, 2025 at 11:33 AM
The universe is balanced. For every *‘live, laugh, love’* person, there’s someone like me muttering *‘die motherfucker’* into their coffee.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
When I leave for work, I leave the ceiling fans on because I like to keep our ghosts comfortable.
November 25, 2025 at 2:58 PM
When I leave for work, I leave the ceiling fans on because I like to keep our ghosts comfortable.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
If old movies taught me anything it’s how awesome it would be to have my own skeleton army.
November 25, 2025 at 1:38 PM
If old movies taught me anything it’s how awesome it would be to have my own skeleton army.
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I bet people who don’t repost drive slow in the passing lane and block grocery aisles
November 24, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I bet people who don’t repost drive slow in the passing lane and block grocery aisles
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I'm made of stardust, but I still have to do chores.
November 21, 2025 at 4:29 PM
I'm made of stardust, but I still have to do chores.
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You may think I'm smiling but I'm really just baring my teeth!
November 25, 2025 at 12:07 PM
You may think I'm smiling but I'm really just baring my teeth!
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I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
November 24, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I've been married long enough to know that healthy communication is only for divorced people.
November 25, 2025 at 11:08 AM
I've been married long enough to know that healthy communication is only for divorced people.
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For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
i never did remember why i went into my living room that one time
November 24, 2025 at 9:54 PM
i never did remember why i went into my living room that one time
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I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
November 24, 2025 at 7:20 PM
I can't find my ceremonial porcupine.
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An apple a day keeps the doctor away. They can also repel pharmacists if you throw them hard enough. But you're going to need a pineapple or a durian if you want to take down a dentist.
November 25, 2025 at 12:08 PM
An apple a day keeps the doctor away. They can also repel pharmacists if you throw them hard enough. But you're going to need a pineapple or a durian if you want to take down a dentist.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
If I send you flowers it’s only because the gas station didn’t have enough corn dogs to make a bouquet
November 19, 2025 at 6:31 PM
If I send you flowers it’s only because the gas station didn’t have enough corn dogs to make a bouquet
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Stuffing my turkey with Flamin' Hot Cheetos
November 24, 2025 at 9:09 PM
Stuffing my turkey with Flamin' Hot Cheetos
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The people eating at Burger King still wearing those crowns. Those are the real heroes.
November 25, 2025 at 12:26 PM
The people eating at Burger King still wearing those crowns. Those are the real heroes.
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
Alarm in 4hrs. So who's burning down the world with me?
November 25, 2025 at 6:46 AM
Alarm in 4hrs. So who's burning down the world with me?
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excuse me, gotta go see a guy about a horse, if you know what i mean
*returns an hour later riding a horse*
*returns an hour later riding a horse*
November 24, 2025 at 11:28 PM
excuse me, gotta go see a guy about a horse, if you know what i mean
*returns an hour later riding a horse*
*returns an hour later riding a horse*
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
advertising and marketing should be punishable by death
November 25, 2025 at 12:28 PM
advertising and marketing should be punishable by death
why would I wanna challenge myself that doesn’t sound relaxing at all
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
why would I wanna challenge myself that doesn’t sound relaxing at all
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Sorry I'm 3 days late, I was eating a pomegranate.
November 22, 2025 at 3:51 PM
Sorry I'm 3 days late, I was eating a pomegranate.
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the Gamestop witches
November 25, 2025 at 4:28 AM
the Gamestop witches
Reposted by Lizzlepants 🐒
I get all of my news from 2019
November 25, 2025 at 10:08 AM
I get all of my news from 2019