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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

@lizzlepants.bsky.social

4.3K followers 900 following 3.6K posts

resident pantologist https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3dg5zlv5v6tbzizwatnunvwu/feed/aaabx33niyxtm

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · May 19

always a bridesmaid
never in a scircle

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

ThinlyVeiledPanda @thinlyveiledpanda.bsky.social · 13h

Dental X-rays? You mean tooth pics?

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Jake_Vig @jakevig.bsky.social · 14h

Everyone knows that the classic scientific method is saying something that is wildly stupid and then trying to find proof for it.

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · Apr 11

accidentally put a stranger’s earbud in my ear and now I feel like I have to go full Van Gogh

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 14h

dance like nobody is secretly recording you for America’s Funniest Home Videos

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 16h

desperately seeking a social media platform that just calls them posts

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

James Damron @runswindows95.bsky.social · 14h

The mood died when I wanted to use tartar sauce instead of whipped cream.

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 18h

There'll be no strings to bind your hands. Not if my love can't bind your heart.
*What the large cheese pizza says to me as I open the box

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 15h

Welcome to Just Desserts where we only serve desserts and their quality is determined by the content of your character

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Erin Whitehead @girlwithatail.bsky.social · 2d

Whenever I meet someone at this point in my life it feels like being walked in on in a public restroom. Like wait! I wasn’t ready! This isn’t me! And the lighting is terrible!

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Miss Havishambles @misshavishambles.bsky.social · 8d

Taken my make up off to practise scaring the kids.

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

James Damron @runswindows95.bsky.social · 15h

Apparently, you can't pay for services render in the backseat of a taxi with Kohl's cash...

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 14h

Who up gobbling their Tylenol

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Chames @overlooked237.bsky.social · 1d

*brings a grilled cheese to a knife fight so someone will cut it into triangles for me*

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

LovelyDeep @midnightviolets.bsky.social · 15h

my demons would french kiss yours

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

two women are standing next to each other and one of them is wearing an orange coat and the other is wearing a brown shirt .

Alt: two women are standing next to each other and one of them is wearing an orange coat and the other is wearing a brown shirt .

media.tenor.com

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

Ooohhhhh whaddo I win lol 🫶🏼😻😘

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

apparently, the kind who likes to make starter packs called
“genuinely unfunny people/gen x”
😹😹😹😹

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

when you see me rocking this profile pic, you’ll know it’s my birthday 😹

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

🥲🫶🏼

Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

this particular guy is very picky and likes to leave us little love notes if you don’t zip the bag all the way closed or something stupid lol
like he has to unzip it to take the bag of trash out anyway 😅 god forbid I try to save him some time

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 15h

trash valet service is just something they offer at our apartment coz all they have is one gigantic trash compactor all the way on the other side of the complex so we pay an extra $12 with rent each month and he takes it there for us mon-fri
apparently, a lot of the complexes here do that now

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

La Femme Fatali @toomanycommas.bsky.social · 16h

If you put feet in my skyline I'm immediately muting you.

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 16h

it’s actually next month, but I have big plans, buddy

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Careful, Jenn Bites 🧛🏻‍♀️🩷🧛🏻‍♀️ @alldolledup44.bsky.social · 16h

Just know, after you have children you will never have scotch tape in your house again.

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Reposted by Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️

Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 16h

My retirement home is likely a cardboard box under a bridge.

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