Theciscokidder
@theciscokidder.bsky.social
Trying to make you laugh. Stay home dad. Left af. 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️
he/him
My fav posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lp6wfrs3wtfklh6nfr6ksefh/feed/aaaczmcypwicq
Everyone else's fav posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lp6wfrs3wtfklh6nfr6ksefh/feed/aaabm4x5djh5k
he/him
My fav posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lp6wfrs3wtfklh6nfr6ksefh/feed/aaaczmcypwicq
Everyone else's fav posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:lp6wfrs3wtfklh6nfr6ksefh/feed/aaabm4x5djh5k
Pinned
You can never be too safe when driving. *puts on condom*
Reposted by Theciscokidder
ordered a slice of pie and they sent me FOUR WHOLE PIES in case anybody wants to know what i’m eating for the next month
November 27, 2025 at 11:20 PM
ordered a slice of pie and they sent me FOUR WHOLE PIES in case anybody wants to know what i’m eating for the next month
Reposted by Theciscokidder
If you'll excuse me, I have places to be*
*Standing in the kitchen, getting in the way
*Standing in the kitchen, getting in the way
November 27, 2025 at 4:14 PM
If you'll excuse me, I have places to be*
*Standing in the kitchen, getting in the way
*Standing in the kitchen, getting in the way
Reposted by Theciscokidder
OMG IT WAS COUPLING
Me, remembering the name of the show I couldn't recall but not who I was talking to at the time or how long ago the conversation was.
Me, remembering the name of the show I couldn't recall but not who I was talking to at the time or how long ago the conversation was.
November 26, 2025 at 2:21 AM
OMG IT WAS COUPLING
Me, remembering the name of the show I couldn't recall but not who I was talking to at the time or how long ago the conversation was.
Me, remembering the name of the show I couldn't recall but not who I was talking to at the time or how long ago the conversation was.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
I come from a long line of previously living people
November 20, 2025 at 10:03 PM
I come from a long line of previously living people
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Technically you can have multiple pieholes but I would advise against it.
November 27, 2025 at 7:21 PM
Technically you can have multiple pieholes but I would advise against it.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
don’t get bogged down in your cranberry sauce choice today haha a terrible pun for thanksgiving you’re welcome
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 PM
don’t get bogged down in your cranberry sauce choice today haha a terrible pun for thanksgiving you’re welcome
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Omg just saw a guy eating a sausage sandwich at the Christmas Market get hit by an elf on a bike
It was the wurst bike accident I ever saw
It was the wurst bike accident I ever saw
November 27, 2025 at 7:28 PM
Omg just saw a guy eating a sausage sandwich at the Christmas Market get hit by an elf on a bike
It was the wurst bike accident I ever saw
It was the wurst bike accident I ever saw
Reposted by Theciscokidder
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
For this holiday season I’m going to respond to all questions from my drunk relatives with various song lyrics.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
got a feeling that today's the day I get answers
a woman posted a pic in a group chat of a baby turkey she bought thinking it was a chicken. She captioned the pic "IS THIS A TURKEY?!?"
Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it
Anyway, I haven't been here because I've been yelling IS THIS A TURKEY at everything. You should try it
November 27, 2025 at 4:03 PM
got a feeling that today's the day I get answers
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Sorry you’re all being annoyed by your families today while I’m snuggled in bed watching Thanksgiving horror movies
November 27, 2025 at 4:18 PM
Sorry you’re all being annoyed by your families today while I’m snuggled in bed watching Thanksgiving horror movies
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Thinking about how one Thanksgiving, even though she had a million things to do, Gram invited me to sleep over cause “everyone should wake up to the smell of turkey in the oven at least once.”
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 PM
Thinking about how one Thanksgiving, even though she had a million things to do, Gram invited me to sleep over cause “everyone should wake up to the smell of turkey in the oven at least once.”
Reposted by Theciscokidder
1st wave of Turkey on the Traeger. Have a full bird and a ham yet to go. All day cooking.
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.
And to those who don’t, I’m still thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.
And to those who don’t, I’m still thankful for you.
November 27, 2025 at 2:49 PM
1st wave of Turkey on the Traeger. Have a full bird and a ham yet to go. All day cooking.
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.
And to those who don’t, I’m still thankful for you.
Happy Thanksgiving to those who celebrate.
And to those who don’t, I’m still thankful for you.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
5th Avenue isn’t a candy bar, it’s also where I like my sex
Now and Later isn't just a candy, it's also how I like my sex.
November 27, 2025 at 2:51 PM
5th Avenue isn’t a candy bar, it’s also where I like my sex
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Things I told my kids:
1. Mama loves you no matter what
2. Columbus didn't discover shit
3. State tests are testing the teachers, not you, so fuck it
4. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and our family leprechauns are as true and real as you and me
5. Jesus was probably a pretty cool dude
✌️
1. Mama loves you no matter what
2. Columbus didn't discover shit
3. State tests are testing the teachers, not you, so fuck it
4. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and our family leprechauns are as true and real as you and me
5. Jesus was probably a pretty cool dude
✌️
November 27, 2025 at 2:42 PM
Things I told my kids:
1. Mama loves you no matter what
2. Columbus didn't discover shit
3. State tests are testing the teachers, not you, so fuck it
4. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and our family leprechauns are as true and real as you and me
5. Jesus was probably a pretty cool dude
✌️
1. Mama loves you no matter what
2. Columbus didn't discover shit
3. State tests are testing the teachers, not you, so fuck it
4. Santa, the Tooth Fairy, and our family leprechauns are as true and real as you and me
5. Jesus was probably a pretty cool dude
✌️
Reposted by Theciscokidder
I run away from commitment, so yeah I workout.
November 27, 2025 at 3:44 PM
I run away from commitment, so yeah I workout.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
You can fit more pie in if you orient the taper of the wedge properly
November 27, 2025 at 2:11 PM
You can fit more pie in if you orient the taper of the wedge properly
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Reposted by Theciscokidder
He didn't pardon that turkey. What crime is the turkey guilty of? This "pardon" is, at best, a commutation of sentence, but this still implies culpability on the bird's part, which can't happen without granting the turkey legal personhood, which no court has done, to date. In this essay, I will...🧵
November 26, 2025 at 2:41 PM
He didn't pardon that turkey. What crime is the turkey guilty of? This "pardon" is, at best, a commutation of sentence, but this still implies culpability on the bird's part, which can't happen without granting the turkey legal personhood, which no court has done, to date. In this essay, I will...🧵
Reposted by Theciscokidder
A couple good things about being the host for a holiday gathering is not having to travel and also having your own bedroom to retreat to if you need a little break from everyone or the perfect place to stress eat a whole pie in peace
November 26, 2025 at 4:27 PM
A couple good things about being the host for a holiday gathering is not having to travel and also having your own bedroom to retreat to if you need a little break from everyone or the perfect place to stress eat a whole pie in peace
Reposted by Theciscokidder
I don't have enough vices, so I am going to write an add vice column to see which ones they recommend for me.
November 27, 2025 at 3:17 PM
I don't have enough vices, so I am going to write an add vice column to see which ones they recommend for me.
Reposted by Theciscokidder
you’re not balding your hair has merely grown a part. folks,,
November 26, 2025 at 1:50 PM
you’re not balding your hair has merely grown a part. folks,,
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Youth pastor (after sitting down on a chair turned backwards): I know you kids like these modern pop songs by Sabrina but you know who else was a Carpenter?
November 27, 2025 at 3:00 AM
Youth pastor (after sitting down on a chair turned backwards): I know you kids like these modern pop songs by Sabrina but you know who else was a Carpenter?
Reposted by Theciscokidder
*brings my own fork to Thanksgiving dinner*
November 27, 2025 at 4:19 PM
*brings my own fork to Thanksgiving dinner*
Reposted by Theciscokidder
Two of my neighbors cows got loose on our property this morning around 8 and they are still on the run 😂
a herd of cows grazing in a grassy field with trees in the background
ALT: a herd of cows grazing in a grassy field with trees in the background
media.tenor.com
November 22, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Two of my neighbors cows got loose on our property this morning around 8 and they are still on the run 😂