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Ennui Doofen

@ennuidoofen.bsky.social

32K followers 1.9K following 17K posts

writer of jokes macabre motivational speaker fighter of life more doof ⤵️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaabi4esw755k

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · Jul 8

I judge how close my friends are to me by whether I know the story of their worst shitting experience ever

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headless horseDan @etbeeegood.bsky.social · 12h

It’s time for the muppets to die.

I’ll do it, you don’t have to watch

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 11h

This has 100 percent happened to me 😂 I feel so bad when they're covered in my blood

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Bette Vile @bette.bsky.social · 12h

a short story about blood

When I pulled my cardigan on, I thought I'd caught a wet wipe in my sleeve but it was blood pouring out my arm.

The doctor was terribly embarrassed, but made a little joke about throwing in a free shower as she cleaned me up.

I find medical staff are far more flustered about this happening than I am.

Once someone took my blood into one vial and used a syringe to separate it out into three, but the needle snapped and splattered my blood across me, him and the entire cubicle. He looked horrified and said “I've been doing this for 25 years and that's never happened to me before."

I couldn't help but reply “I bet you say that to all the girls" and I thought for a second he might cry.

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Frances "Are You Scared Yet" Meh @francesmeh.reviews · 12h

al pastor is the hawaiian pizza of tacos

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weeder @weeder.bsky.social · 11h

Welcome to everyone who is logging on. While you were working, I wrote a bunch of posts for you.

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 11h

No, you cannot have my number. For then you might call my number.

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Ed Morrish @edmorrish.bsky.social · 14h

that’s the problem with dentists, they’re always bringing a probe to a gum fight

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Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 20h

The Zoo’s werewolf enclosure is open during the full moon but honestly we wouldn’t risk it.

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headless horseDan @etbeeegood.bsky.social · 14h

Me and bone broth are so tight these days I just call it b broth

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Marjorie James Keenan @unenthusiast.com · 14h

dash it, mane

Life of a philosopher in a nutshell
1. Birth

2. Painting of Pope Leo X (after Raphael) by Fernando Botero ( a very chubby baby pope) with text "y tho"

3. Death

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 13h

if 2025 had a scooby doo style van it would be called the misery machine

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 14h

Man I can’t process any of this bullshit and now you want me to wear pants?

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'dro🐰 @clowndro.bsky.social · 14h

I was late for a college exam in a large auditorium and the seats had "lap desks" that were like clipboards without the clip. I almost got thrown out because I burst out laughing when I got to a seat and pulled out the lap desk to find someone had written on it in big black letters "STINKY POOP ASS"

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 14h

Everything is terrible
Everything is taint
Let's form a utopian society
Around all of us eating paint

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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 21h

This morning in carpool, a SUV barrelled up ten minutes early and bypassed the entire thing by using the out lane and dropped off a kid. I never saw such a breach of procedure. As he sped past me on his way out, I looked in his eyes and saw a grandpa that def said, "I am too old for this shit"

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 18h

If you want to search a vengeful ghost you need a warrant signed by a grudge but seriously, all the business you have collected so far isn't unfinished enough to be admissable

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

when you totally misread the vibe

A cow leans over a fence and licks the face of a very surprised-looking woman.

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 17h

This is so winning! (Losing but winning the best story)

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 21h

salt-n-pepa: *nod approvingly*

Several signs on a door instructing to "Push to lock" without turning the lock.

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The Amytyville Horror @msfoxifurnasty.bsky.social · 21h

they should make doctor’s appointments that i am excited about

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 21h

Now, a message from Rev. Thurl H. "Skeet" Ravenscrof:

Oops! Somehow, Sister Julie got mysteriously locked in her bedroom with the door nailed shut.... Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor! Let's play pin the tail on the self righteous, domineering ass. God bless.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 1d

This baby will handle all of your home defense and self protection needs.
It‘s the same 6ft Party Sub the Military uses.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 4d

[abruptly stops playing my air banjo] Oh the intervention is for ME?

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

Be the reason they start searching bags for googly eyes at the entrance to your local zoo.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 22h

Burying some 12-foot skeletons in my garden just to fuck with future archaeologists.

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