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Ennui Doofen

@ennuidoofen.bsky.social

32K followers 1.9K following 17K posts

writer of jokes macabre motivational speaker fighter of life more doof ⤵️ https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7bv2ca3yawj662o7qxd5xyt7/feed/aaabi4esw755k

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · Aug 1

referring to my diagnoses like crimes to my doctors to keep things interesting, like "I've been accused of having," and adding "allegedly" to whatever they say

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Notorious P.I.G. (Your Halloween Hogmother) 🐽 @anotoriouspig.bsky.social · Dec 11

Aragorn: you have my sword

Legolas: and my bow

Gimli: and my axe

Me: and my cat

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 48m

Bury me in the midnight soil, or the mountain of spent Costco frittata wrappers from this morning's breakfast, whatever is handiest, really.

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mean things I say to myself @meantomyself.bsky.social · 3h

Generally I am not a fan of myself but apparently still have enough of an ego to click on the solicitation emails I get from ghostwriter pay-to-publishers who supposedly want me to write my life story

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 5h

The camera doesn’t lie, but Photoshop is one deceitful motherfucker.

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 4h

Officially taken “living the dream” out of my vernacular

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jordan pumpkin spice [ham] @nursemurderer.bsky.social · 2h

imagine having the will to live lol

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 2h

My ancestors were good Danes.

No, they were GREAT Danes.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 1h

Imaginary conversations will actually unprepare you for nobody else being there

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 39m

😍 and to @nursemurderer.bsky.social you're my only 🐧bestie wife 🪨

Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 45m

Well while we become one big happy marriage @damnitjanet.bsky.social is part of this fwiw

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d.ly @dly.bsky.social · 12h

I just think this would fix me, someone who is broken into 5 million sharp and tiny pieces

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Ennui Doofen @ennuidoofen.bsky.social · 3h

What am I to you? 😭

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wargen @funeralpig.bsky.social · 23h

slamming? in the back of my dragula? it's more likely than you think

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Chestbursty @chestrovert.bsky.social · 25d

Nobody fears my comically large magnet, but they should. They really should.

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lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 19h

Moon last night gave me powers. Remains to be seen if they’re good or bad. I’m thinking probably mixed bag, like everything

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lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 15h

Everyone has the urge to take credit for what they do good and disavow what they do bad. That’s probably not a problem. Haha. Hahaha

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d.ly @dly.bsky.social · 12h

I should get a wife

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sweetie π @sixfeetofcandy.bsky.social · 3h

my slutty schrödinger halloween costume may or may not be all finished

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

The personal computer was mistake. Computers should be huge and scary

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Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 14h

Not to get political but someone left a dildo in my building's driveway today. And when I got back from my errands it was gone

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Eternal Samnation @portmanteauface.bsky.social · 14h

I unabashedly love that Michael Douglas married Catherine Zeta-Jones and all the Hollywood rags were like “this man NEEDS to be REVERED as a SEX ICON” and afterwards he chose his every subsequent role to respond “I am a WASHED UP POTHEAD ENGLISH TEACHER who likes to EAT SOUP on PARK BENCHES”

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Greeneville Zoo @greenevillezoo.bsky.social · 3h

You may experience intermittent squawking in your head as you enjoy the bird exhibit but don’t be alarmed. It’s just Tevin, our telepathic toucan.

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River Side Casino @riversidecasino.bsky.social · 13h

My grandma who died in 2003 may have said inappropriate things but let’s get one thing clear. She was born in 1909. Times were different then. She was really old. A really old racist bitch. Anyway, the bingo room opens at 5pm tomorrow.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 1d

*quietly beatboxing while the judge delivers my sentence

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Miss Suzy @sqrlymofo.bsky.social · 15h

How to thumbs up your way to divorce in three easy steps.

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