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Bank of America is pulling out as a Platinum Sponsor and demanding I return their six figure charitable contribution to my 501(c)(3) organization Snakes for Unfuckable Men after an independent investigation found many of our snake recipients were giving each other hand and mouth stuff on the reg.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 1d

I bet our brains will come out of this ordeal very cool and normal

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Reposted by donni saphire

good hyuck, babe! @markpopham.bsky.social · 1d

hey man, that was a funny joke... with a BIT of a dark edge to it! sure would be a shame if I were to humorlessly elucidate the gristly consequences of such a scenario, were it not in jest

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 1d

Oh well, maybe their horrific schemes won’t work

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Reposted by donni saphire

"max" @ringworm.bsky.social · 2d

me slowly boiling to death: this pond is mad warm.. (texting my frog buddies) you gotta check out this sick pond

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 2d

I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, standing behind two robots and next to a large kangaroo. Pretty crowded in here

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Reposted by donni saphire

Crockett Houghton @crocketthoughton.bsky.social · 2d

You die on hills, you break your crown on hills- hills are not safe places to visit. Stay home, eat pizza.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 3d

"Employees Must Worship Hans." -Bathroom sign at Hans's Cult Restaurant

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Reposted by donni saphire

Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 6d

I need a Shazam-type app to identify what movie my neighbor is watching

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 3d

What a great time to be alive for fans of existential fear and continuous rage

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 3d

TODDLER AT 6 AM: Daddy wake up!
ME: WTF no why
ME AT 4 PM: Sweetie, naptime’s over, wake up
TODDLER: WTF no why

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Reposted by donni saphire

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 3d

Ordered too much Chinese food for one person so had to do the whole charade of pretending there were other people in the house too, but oversold it and accidentally crafted a one act play about strained friendships and growing apart that is being heavily tipped for awards.

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donni saphire @donni.bsky.social · 4d

So many people are probably feeling this same combination of dread and rage and exhaustion and unrelated horniness

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Reposted by donni saphire

Jesse “Sppooky Diplay Naame” Raub @jesseraub.bsky.social · Mar 13

hey what’s up, thanks for coming by. yeah so just over there is the bedroom, then we’ve got the bathroom down the hall and there’s the kitchen. oh that? the human shape carved out in the wall? well; th-that’s my hole. it was made for me.