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chris.

@azedand2knots.bsky.social

15K followers 1.4K following 3.8K posts

Horrors and hot dogs. (she/they) Latest https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaajole3giqdq Random https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:kpnkmducrwtq3ly4miy3ymoe/feed/aaadr7exzc3rw

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · May 23

The thrum of anticipation reverberates until I open the barn doors and release the swarm of young Girl Guides, free at last to enact their scourge upon the land.

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Reposted by chris.

Matt HalloweenName @badthoughthaver.bsky.social · 6h

I swear every time I learn something new about Cracker Barrel I understand what it's supposed to be less.

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Reposted by chris.

Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 8h

Any job can be a dream job if you have nightmares about work

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 8h

If you flip my couch cushions you won’t find spare change, just an alarming number of Cadbury micro mini eggs.

4 16 59

chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 8h

The crust is in my eyelashes because these are my eyelid sandwiches.

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Fulkery @fulkery.bsky.social · 1d

Just running around mitigating shit

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Murderously Matt 🎃 @momentarilymatt.bsky.social · 9h

Been running out of things to clench since 2020

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Mary @anniemumary.bsky.social · 21h

My new coworker, who I saw on Monday, asked me on Wednesday, how my weekend was. Ma’am, which one?

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WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 2d

I let the rain melt my worries away. It took some skin chunks as well, but I'm not worried about it.

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Reposted by chris.

Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 10h

Someone asked me what I look like. Ever see a dead worm on the sidewalk?

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 12h

NO CHEDDAR. BAD CHEDDAR.

chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 12h

No, you cannot have my number. For then you might call my number.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 15h

Man I can’t process any of this bullshit and now you want me to wear pants?

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 15h

Yum thanks!

Reposted by chris.

💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 17h

desperately seeking a social media platform that just calls them posts

8 25 94

chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 16h

Everything is terrible
Everything is taint
Let's form a utopian society
Around all of us eating paint

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chris. @azedand2knots.bsky.social · 18h

HAPPY birthday!

1 1

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 1d

I’ve decided to stop shitting my pants.

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Tusk Jenkins @tuskjenkins.bsky.social · 19h

If you want to search a vengeful ghost you need a warrant signed by a grudge but seriously, all the business you have collected so far isn't unfinished enough to be admissable

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Reposted by chris.

WitchyBlob @blobstar.bsky.social · 1d

Don't forget to give thanks to Cthulhu on world octopus day or he shall haunt your dreams and cause insanity upon waking. If you give extra thanks, however, he will solely bestow an extra tinge of pleasurable madness to your dreams.