chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
Horrors and hot dogs.
(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
Latest
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(I'm sorry I'm gross)
she/they
Latest
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Pinned
chris.
@azedand2knots.bsky.social
· Mar 8
Oh hey, I saw you just drank the mercury out of the outdoor patio thermometer, you doing okay?
Reposted by chris.
Anytime I’m near a crying baby, I try to toss skittles into its mouth from across the room
November 25, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Anytime I’m near a crying baby, I try to toss skittles into its mouth from across the room
I worked in a photo lab back in the early 2000s and learned this was a thing the hard way likewise
November 25, 2025 at 2:00 PM
I worked in a photo lab back in the early 2000s and learned this was a thing the hard way likewise
Reposted by chris.
Currently part of my job is to "patrol" a large empty building and let me tell you there are few finer pleasures than wielding a big ol' torch and whistling a little tune to yourself in a space with good echoes.
November 25, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Currently part of my job is to "patrol" a large empty building and let me tell you there are few finer pleasures than wielding a big ol' torch and whistling a little tune to yourself in a space with good echoes.
Reposted by chris.
screaming FUCK YOU into a banana phone
November 25, 2025 at 1:29 PM
screaming FUCK YOU into a banana phone
Reposted by chris.
Watching myself good, my old babysitter never calls me. Never did anything worth watching but everyone loves detachment whether it's leaving the house or hired as temporary observant. I'm a cheap break
November 25, 2025 at 5:41 AM
Watching myself good, my old babysitter never calls me. Never did anything worth watching but everyone loves detachment whether it's leaving the house or hired as temporary observant. I'm a cheap break
Reposted by chris.
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
November 24, 2025 at 11:54 PM
Him: "why are you naked?"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Me: "im eating lasagna"
Reposted by chris.
My favorite childhood toys were assorted homunculi I crafted from Kleenex and rubber bands if you were wondering if I’ve always been this creepy.
November 25, 2025 at 9:12 AM
My favorite childhood toys were assorted homunculi I crafted from Kleenex and rubber bands if you were wondering if I’ve always been this creepy.
Reposted by chris.
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
November 24, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Don't get me wrong, I really do appreciate the affordability and that the cost hasn't inflated, but I wish Aldi didn't make you buy a 25¢ cart every single time, I am running out of garage and bakyard space
Reposted by chris.
My daughter (10) got her tonsils out today. When she woke up after surgery, she held up her stuffy, locked eyes with it and whispered, "What did you witness!?"
November 25, 2025 at 12:49 AM
My daughter (10) got her tonsils out today. When she woke up after surgery, she held up her stuffy, locked eyes with it and whispered, "What did you witness!?"
Reposted by chris.
Man, people get SO pissed when you practice the pan flute in public. The movie hasn’t even started yet, guys
November 25, 2025 at 12:57 AM
Man, people get SO pissed when you practice the pan flute in public. The movie hasn’t even started yet, guys
When my nose starts bleeding in the middle of the suburban ice cream shop, that will be the last of my humours leaving my body.
November 25, 2025 at 12:56 AM
When my nose starts bleeding in the middle of the suburban ice cream shop, that will be the last of my humours leaving my body.
Reposted by chris.
Explaining to the new mom that her baby is probably crying because it needs more Red Bull
November 19, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Explaining to the new mom that her baby is probably crying because it needs more Red Bull
Reposted by chris.
I'm thankful for the pulsating black void where the moon used to be.
November 24, 2025 at 10:42 PM
I'm thankful for the pulsating black void where the moon used to be.
Reposted by chris.
It's the anxiety associated with waiting for the disappointment that'll kill you.
November 23, 2025 at 6:32 AM
It's the anxiety associated with waiting for the disappointment that'll kill you.
Reposted by chris.
I demand entry into all skircles.
October 5, 2025 at 1:26 AM
I demand entry into all skircles.
Reposted by chris.
Sluggishly buzzing like a tired bee stuck between the window and the blinds
November 22, 2025 at 2:16 PM
Sluggishly buzzing like a tired bee stuck between the window and the blinds
Reposted by chris.
Manscaping with a fabric shaver proved imprudent.
November 24, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Manscaping with a fabric shaver proved imprudent.
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME WITH YOUR LINEN PANTS.
November 24, 2025 at 6:49 PM
GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME WITH YOUR LINEN PANTS.
Reposted by chris.
Getting my debris read today, I know it sounds kooky but it's less invasive than having my wreckage scoured and more accurate than mayday mayday in a box
November 24, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Getting my debris read today, I know it sounds kooky but it's less invasive than having my wreckage scoured and more accurate than mayday mayday in a box
Reposted by chris.
The first guy ever to cook an egg must have been like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE?!!"
November 24, 2025 at 5:02 PM
The first guy ever to cook an egg must have been like, "WHAT THE FUCK IS EVEN HAPPENING HERE?!!"
Reposted by chris.
I just bought a mythical axe from
Guitar Centaur
Guitar Centaur
November 24, 2025 at 5:00 PM
I just bought a mythical axe from
Guitar Centaur
Guitar Centaur
Reposted by chris.
I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
November 24, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
Reposted by chris.
how do you become uninformed and non-contemplative it looks delightful
November 24, 2025 at 3:31 PM
how do you become uninformed and non-contemplative it looks delightful
Reposted by chris.
I'm tired of being the bigger person. Just once, I want to be the smaller person, tiny enough to be carried around in someone's pocket, shouting petty retorts.
November 7, 2025 at 5:21 PM
I'm tired of being the bigger person. Just once, I want to be the smaller person, tiny enough to be carried around in someone's pocket, shouting petty retorts.
Reposted by chris.
Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
Tech bros really can't understand why we're hostile to technology that a) is frequently confidently wrong and b) threatens to ruin our already terrible lives