John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
I once shot a man for criticizing my text alignment.
It was justified.
It was justified.
Reposted by John Lyon
I’m in group counselling for people who talk too much. It’s called People Who Go On Anon.
January 26, 2026 at 8:24 PM
I’m in group counselling for people who talk too much. It’s called People Who Go On Anon.
Reposted by John Lyon
I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.
October 7, 2025 at 1:23 AM
I get my steps in by going back to get what I forgot and forgetting what I forgot again.
Reposted by John Lyon
if you invite me to your party I’m gonna bring you a live laugh love plaque and make you hang it on the wall in front of me so you’ll never ask me to leave my apartment and socialize ever again
January 21, 2026 at 3:51 PM
if you invite me to your party I’m gonna bring you a live laugh love plaque and make you hang it on the wall in front of me so you’ll never ask me to leave my apartment and socialize ever again
Reposted by John Lyon
If i have a quarter of an apple a day does that keep a quarter of a doctor away?
January 22, 2026 at 7:43 AM
If i have a quarter of an apple a day does that keep a quarter of a doctor away?
Reposted by John Lyon
Like a random porta potty sitting on a sunset lit hill, you are unexpectedly beautiful and make people with full to bursting bladders weep with joy
January 23, 2026 at 11:22 PM
Like a random porta potty sitting on a sunset lit hill, you are unexpectedly beautiful and make people with full to bursting bladders weep with joy
Reposted by John Lyon
Theoretically could a whale get rabies, I've got an idea for a motion picture
January 27, 2026 at 4:32 AM
Theoretically could a whale get rabies, I've got an idea for a motion picture
Reposted by John Lyon
I got two feet of snow. Makes it hard wearing socks.
January 27, 2026 at 12:54 AM
I got two feet of snow. Makes it hard wearing socks.
Reposted by John Lyon
The inside of my mouth looks like the Joker’s smile. I’ve chewed it to pieces.
January 25, 2026 at 12:55 AM
The inside of my mouth looks like the Joker’s smile. I’ve chewed it to pieces.
Reposted by John Lyon
I’m not saying I need to touch grass but that unmarked, shallow grave is looking mighty hospitable right now.
January 25, 2026 at 11:07 AM
I’m not saying I need to touch grass but that unmarked, shallow grave is looking mighty hospitable right now.
Reposted by John Lyon
"I want you to get up and feed me, but I refuse to get out of your way so that you can do as I demand"
-my cats, every morning
-my cats, every morning
January 26, 2026 at 5:38 PM
"I want you to get up and feed me, but I refuse to get out of your way so that you can do as I demand"
-my cats, every morning
-my cats, every morning
Reposted by John Lyon
I feel pretty good as long as I avoid thinking about anything
January 26, 2026 at 4:57 AM
I feel pretty good as long as I avoid thinking about anything
Reposted by John Lyon
idc what anyone says, that black muumuu looks great on you your honor
January 27, 2026 at 3:37 AM
idc what anyone says, that black muumuu looks great on you your honor
Reposted by John Lyon
Me and my boys waiting for our turn to use the airport pull-up bar.
December 9, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Me and my boys waiting for our turn to use the airport pull-up bar.
Reposted by John Lyon
I’m one reply away from being escorted off the premises.
January 23, 2026 at 2:04 PM
I’m one reply away from being escorted off the premises.
Reposted by John Lyon
So many abusive relationships replaced by a dog.
January 26, 2026 at 9:32 PM
So many abusive relationships replaced by a dog.
Reposted by John Lyon
Current events ruining dystopian near-future novels for anyone else?
January 27, 2026 at 12:31 AM
Current events ruining dystopian near-future novels for anyone else?
Reposted by John Lyon
I come from a long line of people who died.
January 27, 2026 at 1:11 AM
I come from a long line of people who died.
Reposted by John Lyon
Paleontologists recently unearthed the largest tibia ever recorded.
It was quite the shindig.
It was quite the shindig.
October 4, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Paleontologists recently unearthed the largest tibia ever recorded.
It was quite the shindig.
It was quite the shindig.
Reposted by John Lyon
I shoveled some snow today instead of what I usually shovel on BlueSky.
January 26, 2026 at 11:21 PM
I shoveled some snow today instead of what I usually shovel on BlueSky.
Reposted by John Lyon
channelling your rage into humour is an underrated coping mechanism
January 27, 2026 at 1:37 AM
channelling your rage into humour is an underrated coping mechanism
Reposted by John Lyon
A Netflix style skip intro button but for workdays.
January 26, 2026 at 2:04 PM
A Netflix style skip intro button but for workdays.
Reposted by John Lyon
This day in history. 1942. The first American forces arrived in Northern Ireland and kidnapped the first minister and his wife then began seizing what the president called "the stolen potato infrastructure they took from us."
January 26, 2026 at 9:32 AM
This day in history. 1942. The first American forces arrived in Northern Ireland and kidnapped the first minister and his wife then began seizing what the president called "the stolen potato infrastructure they took from us."
Reposted by John Lyon
(boss pulling me aside) I need you to stop saying Lucky whenever anyone calls out sick
January 26, 2026 at 4:40 PM
(boss pulling me aside) I need you to stop saying Lucky whenever anyone calls out sick
I just caught my cat up on some of the things going on in the human world. She didn’t comment, but I get it. It’s a lot to process.
January 26, 2026 at 11:48 PM
I just caught my cat up on some of the things going on in the human world. She didn’t comment, but I get it. It’s a lot to process.
Reposted by John Lyon
The heavy metal rocker who bit the head off a koala bear on stage was Aussie Osborne.
January 24, 2026 at 3:19 AM
The heavy metal rocker who bit the head off a koala bear on stage was Aussie Osborne.