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John Lyon

@johnlyon.bsky.social

2.9K followers 660 following 270 posts

Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 16d

My cat got into the booth with me while I was testing my teleportation device and now there’s cat hair all over my genes.

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 2h

😂

Reposted by John Lyon

Jack @wakeupangry.bsky.social · 13d

I brought in garden tomatoes because you said your wife liked to make salsa and then you don’t stop by my office to pick them up after I message you is why I don’t bother making male friends at my age Keith.

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The Bearminator @the-bearminator.bsky.social · 1d

There's freedom in not having to maintain standards.

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Los 🥑 @los-los.bsky.social · 2d

I only hand out black licorice for Halloween. This may be the year I won’t have to get up from the couch

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Steve Suckington @stevesuckington.bsky.social · 15d

WARDEN: and for your last meal?

ME: everlasting gobstopper

WARDEN: son of a

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · Apr 8

don’t just check in on your friends. that’s selfish. check in on your enemies too. are they suffering? do they have regrets? good, good

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Donkey BOO!-tay 😱💩 @donkee.bsky.social · Sep 3

Get in loser we’re going to funky-town as soon as you breathe into this tube so my car will start

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S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 11h

I’ll just migrate from my chair to my bed. That’s enough platform hopping for today.

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Ed Morrish @edmorrish.bsky.social · 3d

you should be entitled to general anaesthetic at the dentist because quite frankly whatever the dentist is up to in there is none of my business

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korpisworld @kwkorpi.bsky.social · 1d

As a high school teacher, I often wonder as I labor relentlessly over grading students’ homeworks, quizzes, projects, and tests, “who’s the brainiac who assigned all this work anyway?”

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Georgia the Explorer 🇨🇦 @georgiatheexplorer.bsky.social · 2d

Gonna ask people who talk loudly why they're being such shouty pantses

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 3d

[giving treats to dog]
thank you for not being people

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Frank Ray Whitehouse (He/Him) @wheeltod.bsky.social · 11d

I had a rough childhood. And I saw things that no kid should ever have to see.

For example, Attack of the Clones.

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Reposted by John Lyon

Ghost of Optimist Primus @optimistprimus.bsky.social · Sep 4

Look, I'm not necessarily saying I believe in it, all I'm saying is gargoyles were supposed to ward off evil and at some point we stopped putting them on all our buildings and then...well...*gestures at literally everything*