John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Nov 5
Art teacher: I think you've misunderstood. It's the models who will be nude.
Me: Well this is awkward.
Me: Well this is awkward.
Reposted by John Lyon
"The sky's the limit"
Ok, but the sky starts just above the ground, so this sounds like a pretty big problem to me
Ok, but the sky starts just above the ground, so this sounds like a pretty big problem to me
January 26, 2026 at 4:44 PM
"The sky's the limit"
Ok, but the sky starts just above the ground, so this sounds like a pretty big problem to me
Ok, but the sky starts just above the ground, so this sounds like a pretty big problem to me
Reposted by John Lyon
While trying to fall asleep, I thought about how crazy it is to just fall asleep. Wide awake now.
November 14, 2025 at 4:25 AM
While trying to fall asleep, I thought about how crazy it is to just fall asleep. Wide awake now.
Reposted by John Lyon
Monday Mood
Staying horizontal
Staying horizontal
January 26, 2026 at 3:54 AM
Monday Mood
Staying horizontal
Staying horizontal
Reposted by John Lyon
I made tacos for dinner. Otherwise know as a vehicle for ridiculous amounts of sour cream
January 28, 2026 at 1:33 AM
I made tacos for dinner. Otherwise know as a vehicle for ridiculous amounts of sour cream
Reposted by John Lyon
calling in today because i just realized a mutual unfollowed me. please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
January 27, 2026 at 3:55 PM
calling in today because i just realized a mutual unfollowed me. please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
Reposted by John Lyon
me: *forgot to start the dishwasher last night*
doomsday clock: *moves one minute closer to midnight*
doomsday clock: *moves one minute closer to midnight*
December 7, 2023 at 11:00 AM
me: *forgot to start the dishwasher last night*
doomsday clock: *moves one minute closer to midnight*
doomsday clock: *moves one minute closer to midnight*
Reposted by John Lyon
[shania voice] who’s bed have your jorts been underrrr
January 21, 2026 at 1:12 PM
[shania voice] who’s bed have your jorts been underrrr
Reposted by John Lyon
Thinking about shaving my armpits for the new year. Really give the dudes at the gym a thrill.
December 29, 2025 at 8:37 PM
Thinking about shaving my armpits for the new year. Really give the dudes at the gym a thrill.
Reposted by John Lyon
when you fold your pizza to eat it, you're telling people you wish it was a sandwich.
January 25, 2026 at 7:58 PM
when you fold your pizza to eat it, you're telling people you wish it was a sandwich.
Reposted by John Lyon
Here’s a tip for staying warm-
*my tauntaun screams and bolts for the door*
*my tauntaun screams and bolts for the door*
January 27, 2026 at 7:48 PM
Here’s a tip for staying warm-
*my tauntaun screams and bolts for the door*
*my tauntaun screams and bolts for the door*
Reposted by John Lyon
Tired: Snowblower.
Wired: Flamethrower.
Wired: Flamethrower.
January 26, 2026 at 7:25 PM
Tired: Snowblower.
Wired: Flamethrower.
Wired: Flamethrower.
Reposted by John Lyon
I left Twitter and lost all the good jokes in the divorce.
January 27, 2026 at 7:59 PM
I left Twitter and lost all the good jokes in the divorce.
Reposted by John Lyon
The worst thing about scientists moving the hands of the doomsday clock forward is having to adjust the time on the doomsday clock in your car.
January 27, 2026 at 7:43 PM
The worst thing about scientists moving the hands of the doomsday clock forward is having to adjust the time on the doomsday clock in your car.
Reposted by John Lyon
I carry around live crickets in case someone tells me a joke.
January 27, 2026 at 3:14 PM
I carry around live crickets in case someone tells me a joke.
Reposted by John Lyon
if you're reading this, this is my private diary. please stop.
January 28, 2026 at 4:43 AM
if you're reading this, this is my private diary. please stop.
Reposted by John Lyon
Nothing like having purchased lifetime service from a company that bit the dust to really raise some mortality issues.
January 27, 2026 at 4:37 PM
Nothing like having purchased lifetime service from a company that bit the dust to really raise some mortality issues.
Reposted by John Lyon
My wife is walking around in fishnet stockings. What a hot mesh.
January 27, 2026 at 5:13 PM
My wife is walking around in fishnet stockings. What a hot mesh.
Reposted by John Lyon
Whoever came up with "penny for your thoughts," "don't nickel and dime me," and "another day another dollar" sure knew how to coin a phrase.
January 28, 2026 at 2:58 AM
Whoever came up with "penny for your thoughts," "don't nickel and dime me," and "another day another dollar" sure knew how to coin a phrase.
Reposted by John Lyon
[me, trying to sell my friend on a weekend trip]
Don't you want to get murdered at a tiny home in the country?
Don't you want to get murdered at a tiny home in the country?
January 16, 2026 at 2:11 AM
[me, trying to sell my friend on a weekend trip]
Don't you want to get murdered at a tiny home in the country?
Don't you want to get murdered at a tiny home in the country?
Reposted by John Lyon
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
January 16, 2026 at 7:42 PM
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
Don’t pick up
Don’t pick up
Me every time I have to call someone
Reposted by John Lyon
This baby’s looking at me like I owe him money
January 17, 2026 at 5:37 PM
This baby’s looking at me like I owe him money
Reposted by John Lyon
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
December 23, 2025 at 5:19 PM
Jamiroquai when Jamiro vewwy sad
Reposted by John Lyon
*flicking a lit cigarette* im not like other Muppet babies
January 26, 2026 at 3:20 PM
*flicking a lit cigarette* im not like other Muppet babies
Reposted by John Lyon
There are two wolves inside of me and they are both eating cookies.
January 27, 2026 at 9:26 PM
There are two wolves inside of me and they are both eating cookies.
Reposted by John Lyon
We're all made up of the same cosmic microplastics
January 27, 2026 at 10:55 PM
We're all made up of the same cosmic microplastics