John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
· Feb 14
If your wife says she wants chocolate and strawberries for Valentine’s Day, mixing Count Chocula and Frankenberry is not good enough. I know this now.
Reposted by John Lyon
what do you call a british mother who is unusually petite?
a minimum
a minimum
November 24, 2025 at 1:00 PM
what do you call a british mother who is unusually petite?
a minimum
a minimum
Reposted by John Lyon
They call it “personal growth” because other people’s growths are disgusting.
November 19, 2025 at 11:10 AM
They call it “personal growth” because other people’s growths are disgusting.
Reposted by John Lyon
I have nightmares that I'm going to live way longer than I can afford to.
November 25, 2025 at 2:54 AM
I have nightmares that I'm going to live way longer than I can afford to.
Reposted by John Lyon
And then the clerk said "Your wrinkles and grays are HIDEOUS!"
Actually she said nothing & took the payment for my wine without carding me
Actually she said nothing & took the payment for my wine without carding me
November 13, 2025 at 4:53 PM
And then the clerk said "Your wrinkles and grays are HIDEOUS!"
Actually she said nothing & took the payment for my wine without carding me
Actually she said nothing & took the payment for my wine without carding me
Reposted by John Lyon
Once again, without hesitation, I look at my phone and press "update all".
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
November 22, 2025 at 2:36 AM
Once again, without hesitation, I look at my phone and press "update all".
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
If you're not living on the edge you're taking up too much space.
Reposted by John Lyon
the names bond. gold bond.
November 25, 2025 at 5:18 PM
the names bond. gold bond.
Reposted by John Lyon
Its Friday! Can’t wait to go to bed!
November 21, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Its Friday! Can’t wait to go to bed!
Reposted by John Lyon
I’m a ‘crying on the inside’ kind of guy. It’s probably the diet of raw onions.
November 25, 2025 at 1:30 PM
I’m a ‘crying on the inside’ kind of guy. It’s probably the diet of raw onions.
Reposted by John Lyon
I always get it backwards, except for that one time that I didn't but I thought I did so I turned it around and then realized my mistake and had to turn it back around a second time.
July 11, 2025 at 9:35 AM
I always get it backwards, except for that one time that I didn't but I thought I did so I turned it around and then realized my mistake and had to turn it back around a second time.
Reposted by John Lyon
BIGFOOT GOT FILTHY RICH TRADING CRYPTID CURRENCIES
November 26, 2025 at 1:38 AM
BIGFOOT GOT FILTHY RICH TRADING CRYPTID CURRENCIES
Reposted by John Lyon
I hope you pooped on company time today
November 25, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I hope you pooped on company time today
Reposted by John Lyon
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. *gets a lobotomy*
November 25, 2025 at 5:12 PM
If you can't beat 'em, join 'em. *gets a lobotomy*
Reposted by John Lyon
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
November 13, 2025 at 1:55 AM
Im a fraud. I eat trail mix but never go on a trail. I drink Gatorade but no part of me is gator. I buy kind bars and throw them at people
Reposted by John Lyon
Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater - remember to sort your recyclables!
November 25, 2025 at 1:11 PM
Don't throw out the baby with the bathwater - remember to sort your recyclables!
Reposted by John Lyon
I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
November 24, 2025 at 3:46 PM
I don't like the things you like, and I'm on the internet SPECIFICALLY to let you know that.
Reposted by John Lyon
A turducken,
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
February 25, 2025 at 9:16 PM
A turducken,
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
but it’s croissant, bear claw, cinnamon roll.
Reposted by John Lyon
if i were a business genius, i would simply offer a good or service that people wanted at a price that was affordable yet profitable
November 24, 2025 at 11:20 PM
if i were a business genius, i would simply offer a good or service that people wanted at a price that was affordable yet profitable
Reposted by John Lyon
entering my falling-to-pieces era
April 30, 2025 at 7:22 PM
entering my falling-to-pieces era
Reposted by John Lyon
My wakeup alarm is anxiety-ridden dread.
November 25, 2025 at 2:04 PM
My wakeup alarm is anxiety-ridden dread.
Reposted by John Lyon
just…I mean…what a terrible time to have eyes, literacy…[waves hands around vaguely]…consciousness
November 22, 2025 at 12:52 PM
just…I mean…what a terrible time to have eyes, literacy…[waves hands around vaguely]…consciousness
Reposted by John Lyon
Is today your daughter's wedding? Hey, that's great. Anyway, I need you to kill a guy.
November 23, 2025 at 3:49 AM
Is today your daughter's wedding? Hey, that's great. Anyway, I need you to kill a guy.
Reposted by John Lyon
I’d love to like and share your Christmas posts, but am physically incapable of such action until December 10. 😘
November 25, 2025 at 4:17 PM
I’d love to like and share your Christmas posts, but am physically incapable of such action until December 10. 😘
Reposted by John Lyon
This next one is called "4 AM Hairball Somewhere in the Dark."
November 25, 2025 at 10:56 AM
This next one is called "4 AM Hairball Somewhere in the Dark."
Reposted by John Lyon
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
November 25, 2025 at 11:35 PM
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
Reposted by John Lyon
Feeling seen (being left on read)
November 25, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Feeling seen (being left on read)