John Lyon
@johnlyon.bsky.social
Opinions expressed here are not the opinions of my employer. They are the opinions of Elvis Presley as relayed to me telepathically by the inhabitants of Venus. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nvcwxxjti7dvgqovf2rrml2c/feed/aaaj5zycfldqi
Pinned
Reposted by John Lyon
I get so sad every time I bite my tongue, lip, or the inside of my cheek. Of all the many, many things I have failed at in my life, chewing without injury is one of them.
January 18, 2026 at 12:00 AM
I get so sad every time I bite my tongue, lip, or the inside of my cheek. Of all the many, many things I have failed at in my life, chewing without injury is one of them.
Reposted by John Lyon
Fear of loneliness is easily cured by spending some time with an asshole.
March 5, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Fear of loneliness is easily cured by spending some time with an asshole.
Reposted by John Lyon
Strength-training, but it's just me carrying around the weight of my responsibilities
January 9, 2026 at 5:46 PM
Strength-training, but it's just me carrying around the weight of my responsibilities
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Minnows seem a little fishy to me…
January 25, 2026 at 3:43 AM
Minnows seem a little fishy to me…
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Scored full marks on the “Do You Recognize These Obsolete Technologies?” BuzzFeed quiz. My prize arrives by carrier pigeon next month.
January 25, 2026 at 4:20 PM
Scored full marks on the “Do You Recognize These Obsolete Technologies?” BuzzFeed quiz. My prize arrives by carrier pigeon next month.
Reposted by John Lyon
That one friend who knows enough about your family to understand why you are the way you are.
January 21, 2026 at 12:54 PM
That one friend who knows enough about your family to understand why you are the way you are.
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If love is a drug then I'm 12 years clean.
January 20, 2026 at 6:52 PM
If love is a drug then I'm 12 years clean.
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These lions are dandy?
January 24, 2026 at 6:59 PM
These lions are dandy?
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there is no reason to be a people pleaser. people are never pleased.
January 20, 2026 at 10:07 PM
there is no reason to be a people pleaser. people are never pleased.
Reposted by John Lyon
how many winters of discontent must we get
January 12, 2026 at 10:32 PM
how many winters of discontent must we get
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Every honest and thoughtfully thinking person now has Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
January 24, 2026 at 5:12 PM
Every honest and thoughtfully thinking person now has Pre-Traumatic Stress Disorder.
Reposted by John Lyon
I sleep on my side to give ghosts the option of little or big spoon
August 29, 2025 at 2:11 PM
I sleep on my side to give ghosts the option of little or big spoon
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New year, same neuroses.
January 1, 2026 at 2:14 PM
New year, same neuroses.
Reposted by John Lyon
I love toothpaste. The problem is it takes two tubes before I feel full.
January 24, 2026 at 6:13 PM
I love toothpaste. The problem is it takes two tubes before I feel full.
Reposted by John Lyon
Mexico called. They want us to finish the wall.
January 10, 2026 at 3:37 AM
Mexico called. They want us to finish the wall.
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Can’t tell if it’s winter or corporate America that’s sucking the life out of me.
January 14, 2026 at 1:57 PM
Can’t tell if it’s winter or corporate America that’s sucking the life out of me.
Reposted by John Lyon
They said my pancreas was unremarkable. The nerve. My pancreas is beautiful!
January 23, 2026 at 7:28 PM
They said my pancreas was unremarkable. The nerve. My pancreas is beautiful!
Reposted by John Lyon
A large part of my life has been spent looking for a surface to put things on
October 2, 2023 at 11:12 PM
A large part of my life has been spent looking for a surface to put things on
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I propose a toast.
Sourdough. With butter.
Sourdough. With butter.
January 24, 2026 at 6:49 AM
I propose a toast.
Sourdough. With butter.
Sourdough. With butter.
Reposted by John Lyon
Piece of chicken, piece of broccoli, a corn tortilla and one other thing? The one other thing better be a meal.
January 15, 2026 at 9:13 PM
Piece of chicken, piece of broccoli, a corn tortilla and one other thing? The one other thing better be a meal.
Reposted by John Lyon
I knew the weather was gonna be extreme today so I was proactive and stopped for a puzzle on my way home from work yesterday.
January 23, 2026 at 3:10 PM
I knew the weather was gonna be extreme today so I was proactive and stopped for a puzzle on my way home from work yesterday.
Reposted by John Lyon
Saw a headline about Adam22 who I was blissfully unaware of until now. I pretty much stopped paying attention shortly after Adam12.
January 24, 2026 at 4:46 PM
Saw a headline about Adam22 who I was blissfully unaware of until now. I pretty much stopped paying attention shortly after Adam12.
Reposted by John Lyon
I don't bother to ask anyone how they're doing. They're not ok. We're not ok.
January 24, 2026 at 8:32 PM
I don't bother to ask anyone how they're doing. They're not ok. We're not ok.
Reposted by John Lyon
I'm Australian so of course I use Vegemite as both an aphrodisiac and a lube
January 24, 2026 at 12:20 AM
I'm Australian so of course I use Vegemite as both an aphrodisiac and a lube
Reposted by John Lyon
getting reacquainted with the ol' ass-groove for the long weekend as is tradition
January 23, 2026 at 6:40 AM
getting reacquainted with the ol' ass-groove for the long weekend as is tradition