Charlie Alzamora
@chalza.bsky.social
Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Holding space for you. I'm very strong.
January 20, 2026 at 12:32 AM
Holding space for you. I'm very strong.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
My older brother once had a dog that he named Jim.
I asked him if he named the dog after me.
He looked at me puzzled. No, I named him after a guy who chewed on his own dick.
We aren't that close.
I asked him if he named the dog after me.
He looked at me puzzled. No, I named him after a guy who chewed on his own dick.
We aren't that close.
January 20, 2026 at 12:07 AM
My older brother once had a dog that he named Jim.
I asked him if he named the dog after me.
He looked at me puzzled. No, I named him after a guy who chewed on his own dick.
We aren't that close.
I asked him if he named the dog after me.
He looked at me puzzled. No, I named him after a guy who chewed on his own dick.
We aren't that close.
Why's it called removing window caulk and not breaking the glass sealing?
January 20, 2026 at 12:27 AM
Why's it called removing window caulk and not breaking the glass sealing?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
them: make yourself at home
me: thanks *climbs into your dryer*
me: thanks *climbs into your dryer*
January 19, 2026 at 11:01 PM
them: make yourself at home
me: thanks *climbs into your dryer*
me: thanks *climbs into your dryer*
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I have a giant salamander that I haven't been able to train to sleep on his own, so just watch out for the wet spot on the bed.
January 19, 2026 at 10:46 PM
I have a giant salamander that I haven't been able to train to sleep on his own, so just watch out for the wet spot on the bed.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
When we rallied for No Kings we meant no wannabe dictator like Trump the chump. But today, more than ever, we need the message and example of late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
January 19, 2026 at 5:48 PM
When we rallied for No Kings we meant no wannabe dictator like Trump the chump. But today, more than ever, we need the message and example of late Rev. Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
honk if you ❤️ shitposters
January 19, 2026 at 10:52 PM
honk if you ❤️ shitposters
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You have expired Xanax? That’s adorable.
January 19, 2026 at 10:55 PM
You have expired Xanax? That’s adorable.
Every Monday is a serious mental health challenge.
January 19, 2026 at 10:12 PM
Every Monday is a serious mental health challenge.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Just try being someone else
-me as a therapist
-me as a therapist
January 19, 2026 at 1:20 PM
Just try being someone else
-me as a therapist
-me as a therapist
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Would be nice to wake up for once, check the news, and see that nothing has happened.
January 19, 2026 at 6:54 AM
Would be nice to wake up for once, check the news, and see that nothing has happened.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I wonder if the cold enjoys being called brutal so often?
January 19, 2026 at 2:30 PM
I wonder if the cold enjoys being called brutal so often?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Even the dog who loves to rub his schlong in the snow thinks it's too cold out today.
January 19, 2026 at 2:28 PM
Even the dog who loves to rub his schlong in the snow thinks it's too cold out today.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
my one outdoor plant lookin like she’s got seasonal depression
January 19, 2026 at 2:21 PM
my one outdoor plant lookin like she’s got seasonal depression
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You can just say you just finished a workout it doesn't need to be true
January 19, 2026 at 2:01 PM
You can just say you just finished a workout it doesn't need to be true
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
yeah i’m pissed off. way better than being pissed on
January 19, 2026 at 5:33 PM
yeah i’m pissed off. way better than being pissed on
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I wonder if dogs would be embarrassed if they knew their buttholes are on show all the time
January 19, 2026 at 6:20 PM
I wonder if dogs would be embarrassed if they knew their buttholes are on show all the time
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
"I'm always dirty, and you can do me whenever." -Laundry
January 19, 2026 at 7:13 PM
"I'm always dirty, and you can do me whenever." -Laundry
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Stopped wearing Juicy velour and shopping at Forever21 when I turned 40.
January 19, 2026 at 8:24 PM
Stopped wearing Juicy velour and shopping at Forever21 when I turned 40.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I’ve taken multivitamins daily for a couple of weeks, so why am I still like this?
January 19, 2026 at 8:31 PM
I’ve taken multivitamins daily for a couple of weeks, so why am I still like this?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Shared pet peeves or nothing.
January 19, 2026 at 8:41 PM
Shared pet peeves or nothing.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Netflix: are you still watching and wearing the same sweatsuit for five days?
January 19, 2026 at 9:10 PM
Netflix: are you still watching and wearing the same sweatsuit for five days?
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
My first love was a soft pack of Marlboro reds from 1993.
January 19, 2026 at 3:16 AM
My first love was a soft pack of Marlboro reds from 1993.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
The Count of Monte Cristo implies the existence of Elmo of Monte Cristo and Big Bird of Monte Cristo.
January 19, 2026 at 12:40 AM
The Count of Monte Cristo implies the existence of Elmo of Monte Cristo and Big Bird of Monte Cristo.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Therapy? In this economy?
Me, as a therapist
Me, as a therapist
January 19, 2026 at 12:39 AM
Therapy? In this economy?
Me, as a therapist
Me, as a therapist