Charlie Alzamora
@chalza.bsky.social
Keep it right here for more biting commentary, social disconnection and cognitive decline, served with a hint of levity and oregano.
I woke up from a dream where I was blocking defensive linemen and then I couldn't fullback asleep.
November 26, 2025 at 3:09 AM
I woke up from a dream where I was blocking defensive linemen and then I couldn't fullback asleep.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
You have heard of the walk of shame? The clock of shame is all of the alarms set on a phone evidencing many days of naps. So many naps.
November 25, 2025 at 4:14 AM
You have heard of the walk of shame? The clock of shame is all of the alarms set on a phone evidencing many days of naps. So many naps.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
An old school horror movie/game show crissover... The Vincent Price is Right
November 26, 2025 at 2:26 AM
An old school horror movie/game show crissover... The Vincent Price is Right
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Skip the bullshit.
Inject your turkey with Heroin
Inject your turkey with Heroin
November 26, 2025 at 2:47 AM
Skip the bullshit.
Inject your turkey with Heroin
Inject your turkey with Heroin
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
*dabs a little beer behind my ears before I go out*
November 25, 2025 at 11:56 PM
*dabs a little beer behind my ears before I go out*
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
November 25, 2025 at 11:35 PM
If I'm being honest I stopped circling back like 5 years ago
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I made a rookie mistake and asked a rhetorical question here.
It's like moths to a flame. I'm being swarmed.
It's like moths to a flame. I'm being swarmed.
November 25, 2025 at 10:42 PM
I made a rookie mistake and asked a rhetorical question here.
It's like moths to a flame. I'm being swarmed.
It's like moths to a flame. I'm being swarmed.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Uranus was discovered on March 13, 1781. I'm pretty sure that's the same day first butthole skeet was posted.
November 25, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Uranus was discovered on March 13, 1781. I'm pretty sure that's the same day first butthole skeet was posted.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Thanksgiving week is Burning Man for people with bad food opinions
November 25, 2025 at 8:26 PM
Thanksgiving week is Burning Man for people with bad food opinions
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
who the fuck would want a work husband? like i need another asshole in my life asking me where we keep the scissors
November 25, 2025 at 7:54 PM
who the fuck would want a work husband? like i need another asshole in my life asking me where we keep the scissors
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Soaking in rice up to my neck will hopefully fix me.
November 25, 2025 at 9:56 PM
Soaking in rice up to my neck will hopefully fix me.
I know how to make contact with the dead. I've got it down to a séance.
November 25, 2025 at 8:26 PM
I know how to make contact with the dead. I've got it down to a séance.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
[wakes from a coma to see everyone wearing flares, travelling on roller skates and listening to the Bee Gees] Omg, the future is discopian!
November 25, 2025 at 8:06 PM
[wakes from a coma to see everyone wearing flares, travelling on roller skates and listening to the Bee Gees] Omg, the future is discopian!
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
is this dogshit ass decade over yet. can we have normal things again yet
November 25, 2025 at 7:15 AM
is this dogshit ass decade over yet. can we have normal things again yet
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
why would I wanna challenge myself that doesn’t sound relaxing at all
November 25, 2025 at 12:29 PM
why would I wanna challenge myself that doesn’t sound relaxing at all
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
i do not care about follower count, i just want everyone to think i’m hot and funny and relatable
November 25, 2025 at 5:38 PM
i do not care about follower count, i just want everyone to think i’m hot and funny and relatable
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
it is now time to choose the right bath bombs for the butterball
November 25, 2025 at 4:01 PM
it is now time to choose the right bath bombs for the butterball
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
November 25, 2025 at 2:46 PM
Me: *panicking*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Friend: just go with your gut
Me: *panicking while eating nachos*
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
By accepting the pardon those turkeys are admitting to culpability
November 25, 2025 at 2:10 PM
By accepting the pardon those turkeys are admitting to culpability
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
It's the great ballsack Charlie Brown
November 25, 2025 at 2:10 PM
It's the great ballsack Charlie Brown
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Already broke into the charcuterie.
November 25, 2025 at 5:28 PM
Already broke into the charcuterie.
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
November 25, 2025 at 1:43 PM
I used to be young. Now I feel a little badass when I close the oven door with my foot
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
I must be the picture of health because the doctor took one and asked if he could put it in a book
November 25, 2025 at 3:17 PM
I must be the picture of health because the doctor took one and asked if he could put it in a book
Reposted by Charlie Alzamora
Feeling seen (being left on read)
November 25, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Feeling seen (being left on read)
Betty, the oldest clam in existence, has died at age 500. Marine biologists say seashell never be forgotten.
November 25, 2025 at 2:36 PM
Betty, the oldest clam in existence, has died at age 500. Marine biologists say seashell never be forgotten.