Candy Elliott
@sixfootcandy.bsky.social
5.9K followers 880 following 600 posts
Emotionally fluent | Selectively social | Honest, not harsh | Soft, not weak | 🐾 Animal person | ✍️ Writes things | 🤘🏻 Gen X | 🌴 LA | https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
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sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”

Two days later, I did the same with pasta.

And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
A woman said Taylor Swift stopped being a good role model because of her Life of a Showgirl outfits. I asked if she wears a swimsuit in public. She said yes. I said, “Well, I guess you’re a bad influence too.” Ok, bye 👋
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
It’s 85 degrees in October. LA’s pretending it’s fall while my thighs are sticking to my leather seats like it’s July.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My husband is translating Bad Bunny lyrics so I actually know what I’m butchering in Spanish at the Super Bowl. I married my own closed captions.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
One day you’re young and reckless. The next, you’re looking forward to soup season.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
I got food poisoning from lettuce. Junk food never betrayed me like this.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Food poisoning doesn’t care about your plans, your sleep, or your will to live.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My favorite part of aging is discovering which new food will betray me each week.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
The real secret to a lasting marriage? Never be in a bad mood on the same day. Rotate your emotional meltdowns like responsible adults.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Nothing feels more aggressive than someone cheerfully saying “Happy Monday!” before 8am.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Rich or broke, if you’re not kind, you’re poor.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Doctor: Read the chart for me.

Me: Needs immediate psych evaluation?

Doctor: Ma’am, I was talking about the eye chart.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Shaving is a spring and summer sport. In fall I’m strictly in the off-season.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Apparently the rapture rescheduled.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Not to brag, but I can pronounce acetaminophen on the first try.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Every couple has one person who loads the dishwasher like a Tetris master and one who just… tosses things in and hopes for the best.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Every wedding reception has one drunk guy who thinks the worm is still impressive.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My specialty is overthinking a text for 18 minutes before sending back, “lol yeah.”
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My husband loves it when he orders fries, I say I don’t want any, and then I swoop in on his like a seagull at the beach.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Wild concept: you can like Taylor Swift and also like rock, rap, jazz, metal, or whatever else. Enjoying one artist doesn’t disqualify you from liking everything else too.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
sonictyrant.bsky.social
My emotional support banana just split
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Me: *trying to plug in my phone and missing the outlet for the 10th time*

My husband: Natural selection at work.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Marriage is just two professional idiots sharing a roof and pretending we know what we’re doing.

Check out my latest story on Medium.

medium.com/@CandyElliot...
Two Professional Idiots Under One Roof.
Marriage, observed in its natural habitat.
medium.com
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Two things I learned yesterday: I’m not too old to sit in a beanbag chair, but I’m too old to get out of one.
sixfootcandy.bsky.social
My husband doesn’t like the Red Hot Chili Peppers, so now it’s track three on every Spotify playlist he has.

In marriage, it’s the little victories.