Candy Elliott
@sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Marriage, aging, and everyday life, Gen X Style. Humor, heart, real and relatable.
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
Pinned
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
Me: My heart’s racing and my stomach burns.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
December 15, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Me: My heart’s racing and my stomach burns.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
I’m really sad about the news about Rob Reiner and his wife. It’s just heartbreaking. 💔
December 15, 2025 at 4:19 AM
I’m really sad about the news about Rob Reiner and his wife. It’s just heartbreaking. 💔
People who hate Taylor Swift sure do spend a lot of time talking about Taylor Swift. Look, Brenda. You stopped, typed, and hit post. That’s a lot of effort for someone you “hate.”
December 13, 2025 at 12:08 AM
People who hate Taylor Swift sure do spend a lot of time talking about Taylor Swift. Look, Brenda. You stopped, typed, and hit post. That’s a lot of effort for someone you “hate.”
I go into the holiday season excited and hopeful. Then I enter a parking structure.
December 12, 2025 at 8:33 PM
I go into the holiday season excited and hopeful. Then I enter a parking structure.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Flight of the Bumblebee plays as I frantically search for the clit.
February 10, 2024 at 12:38 PM
Flight of the Bumblebee plays as I frantically search for the clit.
A little kindness goes a long way.
December 12, 2025 at 1:34 AM
A little kindness goes a long way.
If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size $100 gift card.
December 11, 2025 at 12:11 AM
If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size $100 gift card.
I promised my husband I’d make him tacos anytime. He’s currently testing the limits of “anytime.”
December 10, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I promised my husband I’d make him tacos anytime. He’s currently testing the limits of “anytime.”
I wore a sweater today. LA said, “That’s adorable. It’s 81.”
December 9, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I wore a sweater today. LA said, “That’s adorable. It’s 81.”
Reposted by Candy Elliott
"PUT THE FUCKING CASH IN THE FUCKING BAG OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!"
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
November 1, 2025 at 2:40 PM
"PUT THE FUCKING CASH IN THE FUCKING BAG OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!"
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Watch a yule log with commercials and chill?
December 8, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Watch a yule log with commercials and chill?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
ME: Can you show me how to make jelly?
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
December 8, 2025 at 10:44 PM
ME: Can you show me how to make jelly?
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
head & shoulders,
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
December 9, 2025 at 12:36 AM
head & shoulders,
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Life shouldn’t be measured by the passing of time, rather the good times spent in brothels and bars.
December 9, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Life shouldn’t be measured by the passing of time, rather the good times spent in brothels and bars.
I have no idea what you’re talking about. 😇🦌
December 9, 2025 at 7:37 PM
I have no idea what you’re talking about. 😇🦌
Reposted by Candy Elliott
This is the time in the evening where I like to play a little game in the kitchen called What else we got?
December 2, 2025 at 2:16 AM
This is the time in the evening where I like to play a little game in the kitchen called What else we got?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Just passed out and my life flashed before my eyes and wow that was an awful lot of mayonnaise.
December 1, 2025 at 10:43 PM
Just passed out and my life flashed before my eyes and wow that was an awful lot of mayonnaise.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Oh to be a goose shitting everywhere honking at anything that comes near me
December 3, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Oh to be a goose shitting everywhere honking at anything that comes near me
Reposted by Candy Elliott
I'm made of stardust, but I still have to do chores.
November 21, 2025 at 4:29 PM
I'm made of stardust, but I still have to do chores.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
If the White House wanted to use a Sabrina Carpenter song, wouldn't "Manchild" have been more fitting?
December 5, 2025 at 10:27 PM
If the White House wanted to use a Sabrina Carpenter song, wouldn't "Manchild" have been more fitting?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Thanks for the follow.
My last decent post was back in 2012.
My last decent post was back in 2012.
January 2, 2025 at 4:21 AM
Thanks for the follow.
My last decent post was back in 2012.
My last decent post was back in 2012.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Somehow I always thought that being on the right side of history would probably feel better than this.
November 9, 2024 at 6:16 PM
Somehow I always thought that being on the right side of history would probably feel better than this.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
"You're lucky Mom says I can't open my presents until Christmas."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
December 6, 2025 at 2:17 PM
"You're lucky Mom says I can't open my presents until Christmas."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
"But I'm not-"
"Tick tock, motherfucker."
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Flex on your husband by sending him to the store to buy cream of tartar, without any explanation, and then turn your phone off
December 7, 2025 at 8:19 PM
Flex on your husband by sending him to the store to buy cream of tartar, without any explanation, and then turn your phone off
Reposted by Candy Elliott
kinda crazy how it’s acceptable to eat your twin as long as it’s in utero
December 7, 2025 at 6:45 AM
kinda crazy how it’s acceptable to eat your twin as long as it’s in utero