Candy Elliott
@sixfootcandy.bsky.social
Marriage, aging, and everyday life, Gen X Style. Humor, heart, real and relatable.
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
LA 🌴 | Animals 🐾 | TSwift ✨🫶🏻
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:qut5myo23afai4odf3z25trw/feed/aaadwsj277rdi
Pinned
My husband was annoyed after spending $65 on two burgers and fries, so I said, “Bet yours could blow these away.” His eyes lit up. “Really? I’ll make some tomorrow!”
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
Two days later, I did the same with pasta.
And that’s how I Jedi mind-tricked my husband into becoming our chef.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Calm down, people who've already sent out their holiday cards.
December 14, 2025 at 9:05 PM
Calm down, people who've already sent out their holiday cards.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
They want us mad at the Grinch so we don't ask who would actually have the resources to steal Christmas
December 14, 2025 at 4:42 PM
They want us mad at the Grinch so we don't ask who would actually have the resources to steal Christmas
Reposted by Candy Elliott
live your life in a way that when you die, those who despise you are so jealous that they make your death all about them simply because they know that when they die, nobody in their right mind would mourn them
December 15, 2025 at 7:42 PM
live your life in a way that when you die, those who despise you are so jealous that they make your death all about them simply because they know that when they die, nobody in their right mind would mourn them
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Mom says she’s poly because she won’t commit to one chicken sandwich
December 15, 2025 at 1:21 PM
Mom says she’s poly because she won’t commit to one chicken sandwich
Reposted by Candy Elliott
*placing my old acquaintance in a special place so I won't forget.
December 15, 2025 at 3:32 PM
*placing my old acquaintance in a special place so I won't forget.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Her: Could you pass the salt and pepper?
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
December 15, 2025 at 6:42 PM
Her: Could you pass the salt and pepper?
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Me: No, but I can push it to you.
Her: Push it?
Me: Push it real good.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
The tea I am drinking is named “Throat Coat” and I am not mature enough to handle this
January 16, 2025 at 2:17 AM
The tea I am drinking is named “Throat Coat” and I am not mature enough to handle this
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Phlegm is a gross word, right? Anyway, that'll dab right off sorry
December 15, 2025 at 7:22 PM
Phlegm is a gross word, right? Anyway, that'll dab right off sorry
Reposted by Candy Elliott
I don't know why but I find it next to impossible to Christmas shop wearing my coat, scarf and purse
December 15, 2025 at 4:03 PM
I don't know why but I find it next to impossible to Christmas shop wearing my coat, scarf and purse
Reposted by Candy Elliott
my boss: I’ve had enough, you’re fired
me: but why?
my boss: you just sit on your ass all day, doing nothing
me: but I don’t understand, what else am I supposed to sit on?
me: but why?
my boss: you just sit on your ass all day, doing nothing
me: but I don’t understand, what else am I supposed to sit on?
December 7, 2024 at 1:24 PM
my boss: I’ve had enough, you’re fired
me: but why?
my boss: you just sit on your ass all day, doing nothing
me: but I don’t understand, what else am I supposed to sit on?
me: but why?
my boss: you just sit on your ass all day, doing nothing
me: but I don’t understand, what else am I supposed to sit on?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.
December 15, 2025 at 8:18 PM
this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
A weighted blanket, but it’s just someone dropping a grand piano on me.
November 6, 2025 at 11:56 PM
A weighted blanket, but it’s just someone dropping a grand piano on me.
Me: My heart’s racing and my stomach burns.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
December 15, 2025 at 6:11 PM
Me: My heart’s racing and my stomach burns.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
Husband: Could it be the five coffees you had this morning?
Me: *hands shaking as I take another sip* Don’t be ridiculous.
I’m really sad about the news about Rob Reiner and his wife. It’s just heartbreaking. 💔
December 15, 2025 at 4:19 AM
I’m really sad about the news about Rob Reiner and his wife. It’s just heartbreaking. 💔
People who hate Taylor Swift sure do spend a lot of time talking about Taylor Swift. Look, Brenda. You stopped, typed, and hit post. That’s a lot of effort for someone you “hate.”
December 13, 2025 at 12:08 AM
People who hate Taylor Swift sure do spend a lot of time talking about Taylor Swift. Look, Brenda. You stopped, typed, and hit post. That’s a lot of effort for someone you “hate.”
I go into the holiday season excited and hopeful. Then I enter a parking structure.
December 12, 2025 at 8:33 PM
I go into the holiday season excited and hopeful. Then I enter a parking structure.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Flight of the Bumblebee plays as I frantically search for the clit.
February 10, 2024 at 12:38 PM
Flight of the Bumblebee plays as I frantically search for the clit.
A little kindness goes a long way.
December 12, 2025 at 1:34 AM
A little kindness goes a long way.
If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size $100 gift card.
December 11, 2025 at 12:11 AM
If anyone is Christmas shopping for me, I wear a size $100 gift card.
I promised my husband I’d make him tacos anytime. He’s currently testing the limits of “anytime.”
December 10, 2025 at 8:56 PM
I promised my husband I’d make him tacos anytime. He’s currently testing the limits of “anytime.”
I wore a sweater today. LA said, “That’s adorable. It’s 81.”
December 9, 2025 at 10:54 PM
I wore a sweater today. LA said, “That’s adorable. It’s 81.”
Reposted by Candy Elliott
"PUT THE FUCKING CASH IN THE FUCKING BAG OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!"
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
November 1, 2025 at 2:40 PM
"PUT THE FUCKING CASH IN THE FUCKING BAG OR I'LL BLOW YOUR FUCKING FACE OFF!"
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
And that was the last time I ever played Monopoly with the kids.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
Watch a yule log with commercials and chill?
December 8, 2025 at 10:16 PM
Watch a yule log with commercials and chill?
Reposted by Candy Elliott
ME: Can you show me how to make jelly?
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
December 8, 2025 at 10:44 PM
ME: Can you show me how to make jelly?
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
WIFE: K. Why?
ME: *turns to face camera* No, just the regular stuff.
Reposted by Candy Elliott
head & shoulders,
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
December 9, 2025 at 12:36 AM
head & shoulders,
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫
knees & toes,
i can touch
just 2 of those .
im old, is what im saying😫