CynicalTherapist
@cynicaltherapist.bsky.social
LMFT-LADAC Witch, Addictions Expert, Not your therapist. Both traumatized and trauma informed.
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Pinned
**Snorting lines of hot chocolate and sharpening candy canes to prepare for the war on Christmas.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
November 27, 2025 at 2:48 PM
Giving thanks this year for moving far enough away from the village that waifs and urchins no longer throw rocks at me when I leave my cave for my evening perambulation
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
This Thanksgiving, don’t forget, as you sit down to eat, to scream Fuck America, throw the turkey your racist uncle made right at his ugly head, and then grab your skateboard and do sick ollies back and forth through kitchen reciting Shakespeare’s gayest sonnets as your family tries to restrain you
November 27, 2025 at 8:09 AM
This Thanksgiving, don’t forget, as you sit down to eat, to scream Fuck America, throw the turkey your racist uncle made right at his ugly head, and then grab your skateboard and do sick ollies back and forth through kitchen reciting Shakespeare’s gayest sonnets as your family tries to restrain you
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
THREAD.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
November 26, 2025 at 8:44 PM
THREAD.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
3 years ago, with no warning, a brilliant orange farm cat wandered over from the draughty barn where he had been living, in rural Cornwall, and decided he wanted to live with us instead.
We decided to call him Jim.
This is the first photo I took of him, on that night: December 1st, 2022.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Several years ago babysitting my friend’s 8 year old daughter, playing Old Maid, I made a joke about me being an old maid. She confidently said, “No Auntie, you’re a spinster.”
November 27, 2025 at 3:28 AM
Several years ago babysitting my friend’s 8 year old daughter, playing Old Maid, I made a joke about me being an old maid. She confidently said, “No Auntie, you’re a spinster.”
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
November 27, 2025 at 5:21 AM
to the untrained eye it appears i am floundering through life to the trained eye too
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BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
May 11, 2023 at 5:06 PM
BATMAN'S FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
• denial
• anger
• bargaining
• dressing up as a bat with your underwear on the outside to fight crime
• acceptance
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
November 27, 2025 at 5:58 AM
When you slick your hair back at night to be dark and late nitey but your cowlick is naturally against casual lite spelling
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
November 27, 2025 at 4:49 AM
one of the greatest joys of having children is the abundance of really soft blankies you have all to yourself when they're not around
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Imagine how good Minor Threat would have been if they did drugs
August 6, 2025 at 6:01 PM
Imagine how good Minor Threat would have been if they did drugs
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this site is not a site of honor
November 27, 2025 at 3:17 AM
this site is not a site of honor
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*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
November 27, 2025 at 3:04 AM
*mouth full of yams
This club can't even handle me right now
This club can't even handle me right now
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
The last of the original Garbage Pail Kids has died in custody
November 27, 2025 at 3:02 AM
The last of the original Garbage Pail Kids has died in custody
Today at the aquarium a seal fell in love with me. Just lucky I guess.
November 27, 2025 at 12:53 AM
Today at the aquarium a seal fell in love with me. Just lucky I guess.
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The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
November 26, 2025 at 4:53 PM
The CIA made me memorize the alphabet with my mind. MKLmnop. But seriously why is there a literal street of sesame on the 1 2 3 dollar bill
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
One Venti lobotomy, please.
November 26, 2025 at 5:39 PM
One Venti lobotomy, please.
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i used my father’s condition as a pretext for not letting any out-of-towners stay with us this year but the reality is my dad was all don’t you dare let them stay here with us i can’t stand those people anymore
November 26, 2025 at 3:28 PM
i used my father’s condition as a pretext for not letting any out-of-towners stay with us this year but the reality is my dad was all don’t you dare let them stay here with us i can’t stand those people anymore
Medicating my seasonal depression by taking 5 bundles of firewood to the dome.
November 26, 2025 at 5:26 PM
Medicating my seasonal depression by taking 5 bundles of firewood to the dome.
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Happy "weekend where I dont have to spend time with my problematic family" to my fellow non Americans
November 26, 2025 at 3:29 PM
Happy "weekend where I dont have to spend time with my problematic family" to my fellow non Americans
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
November 26, 2025 at 5:04 PM
The amount of butter in my mashed potatoes could only be described as reckless
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the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
November 26, 2025 at 3:37 PM
the heart wants what it wants. Ok. but what if it wants crack
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
Can’t, I’m busy shocking the monkey
November 25, 2025 at 9:45 PM
Can’t, I’m busy shocking the monkey
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A spittoon and a singing bowl walk into a dark den of deep meditation. Zen says is none of you lost. Singing bowl spits out a mallet and spittoon says see I told you, if you got me hammered they would not be able to tell us apart, that was my cowboy
November 26, 2025 at 5:39 AM
A spittoon and a singing bowl walk into a dark den of deep meditation. Zen says is none of you lost. Singing bowl spits out a mallet and spittoon says see I told you, if you got me hammered they would not be able to tell us apart, that was my cowboy
Worshipping the devil isn't enough for you people? Now I have to be poly? I don't have time for this shit
November 26, 2025 at 7:56 AM
Worshipping the devil isn't enough for you people? Now I have to be poly? I don't have time for this shit
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
in every group therapy setting there is one patient secretly marked for death if the other patients can discover and kill them they will be mentally healed
November 26, 2025 at 4:11 AM
in every group therapy setting there is one patient secretly marked for death if the other patients can discover and kill them they will be mentally healed
Reposted by CynicalTherapist
I once mistakenly used my dog’s shampoo for a week and while my hair smelled funny I felt like such a good girl.
November 26, 2025 at 6:48 AM
I once mistakenly used my dog’s shampoo for a week and while my hair smelled funny I felt like such a good girl.