Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
Pinned
Shade 5
@shade5.bsky.social
· Nov 27
Me: I cleared the table for dessert.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Her: Why did you leave these cranberries out?
Me: DON’T TOUCH THEM!!!
Her: What…Why???
Me: You have to let them linger.
Reposted by Shade 5
I'm running the Dad Bod 5K race this weekend
^--- the concession stand at
^--- the concession stand at
November 15, 2025 at 11:18 PM
I'm running the Dad Bod 5K race this weekend
^--- the concession stand at
^--- the concession stand at
Reposted by Shade 5
"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
November 22, 2025 at 2:36 PM
"Get in!"
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
"But-"
"NOW."
"Okay..."
"Were you followed?"
"What?"
"WERE YOU FOLLOWED?"
"I don't think so."
"You have your passport?"
"I'm not sure."
"Never mind, open the glovebox."
"Alright. Hey, wha-"
"You know how to use that?"
"Frank, what-?"
"Better get used to calling me Jim."
Reposted by Shade 5
Morning Bluesky
November 25, 2025 at 9:23 AM
Morning Bluesky
Reposted by Shade 5
people who relax at home in jeans should be in the front lines of the apocalypse
November 23, 2025 at 2:36 AM
people who relax at home in jeans should be in the front lines of the apocalypse
Reposted by Shade 5
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
November 25, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
Reposted by Shade 5
Wake up wake up there are several things to panic about this week get moving
November 24, 2025 at 11:04 AM
Wake up wake up there are several things to panic about this week get moving
Reposted by Shade 5
I'm the kind that'll love you in every lifetime
November 25, 2025 at 3:06 AM
I'm the kind that'll love you in every lifetime
Reposted by Shade 5
When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
Reposted by Shade 5
Men of Bluesky Calendar
November 24, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Men of Bluesky Calendar
Reposted by Shade 5
the problem with chasing the sun is that you always run out of road
November 23, 2025 at 10:34 PM
the problem with chasing the sun is that you always run out of road
Reposted by Shade 5
Forgetting to turn on the crockpot is my most prolific self sabotage yet.
November 24, 2025 at 3:21 PM
Forgetting to turn on the crockpot is my most prolific self sabotage yet.
Reposted by Shade 5
Hot singles in your area but it’s just me unwrapping cheese slices.
November 24, 2025 at 10:24 PM
Hot singles in your area but it’s just me unwrapping cheese slices.
Reposted by Shade 5
Charged three different devices and they all used the same connector, as it should be.🙏
November 25, 2025 at 5:16 AM
Charged three different devices and they all used the same connector, as it should be.🙏
Reposted by Shade 5
I imagine everyone I follow here being incrementally taller, wow, you’re a tall glass of water Milf_Likes_Dick
November 25, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I imagine everyone I follow here being incrementally taller, wow, you’re a tall glass of water Milf_Likes_Dick
Reposted by Shade 5
can’t believe I’ve been online friends with some of you assholes for fifteen or more years
November 25, 2025 at 5:19 AM
can’t believe I’ve been online friends with some of you assholes for fifteen or more years
Reposted by Shade 5
“Great, now I have to pee.”
November 24, 2025 at 6:07 PM
“Great, now I have to pee.”
Reposted by Shade 5
it’s not enough just to be silly these days
November 23, 2025 at 11:20 PM
it’s not enough just to be silly these days
Reposted by Shade 5
Kings of Leon’s ‘Sex on Fire’ is my favorite song about the dangers of STI proliferation
November 24, 2025 at 2:15 AM
Kings of Leon’s ‘Sex on Fire’ is my favorite song about the dangers of STI proliferation
Reposted by Shade 5
Do you even look for things to feel bad about bro
November 24, 2025 at 4:15 AM
Do you even look for things to feel bad about bro
Reposted by Shade 5
My favorite thing to do when it's cold outside . . . is not to go outside.
November 24, 2025 at 1:08 PM
My favorite thing to do when it's cold outside . . . is not to go outside.
Reposted by Shade 5
don’t forget to venmo your crush $10 for “coffee or whatever” this thanksgiving
November 20, 2025 at 12:28 AM
don’t forget to venmo your crush $10 for “coffee or whatever” this thanksgiving
Reposted by Shade 5
going through my records and calculating the refund on my yearly yearnings
November 24, 2025 at 11:04 PM
going through my records and calculating the refund on my yearly yearnings
Reposted by Shade 5
Bluesky rehab is gonna be so fucking cool…
November 24, 2025 at 11:55 PM
Bluesky rehab is gonna be so fucking cool…
Reposted by Shade 5
Now seems like a good time to eat the rich.
November 4, 2025 at 5:44 AM
Now seems like a good time to eat the rich.
Reposted by Shade 5
I'd post pics of my cats but theyre all dead.
I guess I could post pics of my uninvited pets instead... *spiders.
I guess I could post pics of my uninvited pets instead... *spiders.
November 24, 2025 at 7:20 AM
I'd post pics of my cats but theyre all dead.
I guess I could post pics of my uninvited pets instead... *spiders.
I guess I could post pics of my uninvited pets instead... *spiders.