Grant Tanaka
@granttanaka.bsky.social
I wrote a joke about a potato once
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaai5k54haeh6
bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaai5k54haeh6
Remember when I mentioned that this was the worst year of my life? Welp the hits keep coming! Back gave out on me in a parking lot and I had to be scraped off the ground by emt’s cause I lost the use of both legs. Then my wife got rear ended on her way to the hospital.
November 23, 2025 at 4:12 PM
Remember when I mentioned that this was the worst year of my life? Welp the hits keep coming! Back gave out on me in a parking lot and I had to be scraped off the ground by emt’s cause I lost the use of both legs. Then my wife got rear ended on her way to the hospital.
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
November 22, 2025 at 3:38 AM
if you tell your parents that you don’t want to have kids and they look offended, it’s because they’re thinking “damn, why didn’t I think of that“
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Welcome to your 50’s. You’re sleepy but you have insomnia
November 21, 2025 at 7:39 AM
Welcome to your 50’s. You’re sleepy but you have insomnia
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Getting called into Boss’s office
Boss: now this is just a verbal warning, but you’ve got to stop saying that.
Me: I don’t know what you me..
Boss: you know, the “speak of the devil” whenever anyone walks up to you? Yeah, that
Me: hey man, I’m just doing my part to keep the office fights going
Boss: now this is just a verbal warning, but you’ve got to stop saying that.
Me: I don’t know what you me..
Boss: you know, the “speak of the devil” whenever anyone walks up to you? Yeah, that
Me: hey man, I’m just doing my part to keep the office fights going
November 21, 2025 at 1:49 PM
Getting called into Boss’s office
Boss: now this is just a verbal warning, but you’ve got to stop saying that.
Me: I don’t know what you me..
Boss: you know, the “speak of the devil” whenever anyone walks up to you? Yeah, that
Me: hey man, I’m just doing my part to keep the office fights going
Boss: now this is just a verbal warning, but you’ve got to stop saying that.
Me: I don’t know what you me..
Boss: you know, the “speak of the devil” whenever anyone walks up to you? Yeah, that
Me: hey man, I’m just doing my part to keep the office fights going
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
When we’ve finished making love I like to make a pinging sound like the microwave as I feel it adds a little whimsical fun to things, and it also lets my wife know that I fully understand my birthday is over for another year.
November 20, 2025 at 2:22 PM
When we’ve finished making love I like to make a pinging sound like the microwave as I feel it adds a little whimsical fun to things, and it also lets my wife know that I fully understand my birthday is over for another year.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Filling the birthday balloons with vape smoke is called a nicotine pinata.
November 21, 2025 at 6:02 PM
Filling the birthday balloons with vape smoke is called a nicotine pinata.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Love it when dogs are so stoked they glitch and spin.
November 21, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Love it when dogs are so stoked they glitch and spin.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
I’ve half a mind (that’s it, end of sentence).
November 18, 2025 at 1:51 PM
I’ve half a mind (that’s it, end of sentence).
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Its Friday! Can’t wait to go to bed!
November 21, 2025 at 12:43 PM
Its Friday! Can’t wait to go to bed!
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
you’re just a skeleton holding up a bunch of flesh that was designed to be a vessel to carry poop around
November 21, 2025 at 11:38 PM
you’re just a skeleton holding up a bunch of flesh that was designed to be a vessel to carry poop around
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
my nurse today is sleepy/psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
November 7, 2025 at 9:19 PM
my nurse today is sleepy/psycho killer, qu'est-ce que c'est?
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
At least everything that feels like a caving in wants to be there. I studied the myth of Atlas, trained with arches and rollbars, all I think about is starting up a casual rubble conversation for a one collapse stand
November 21, 2025 at 5:40 AM
At least everything that feels like a caving in wants to be there. I studied the myth of Atlas, trained with arches and rollbars, all I think about is starting up a casual rubble conversation for a one collapse stand
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
All the deadlines at work are like did you hear the one about you're just not taking us seriously maybe it's only some kind of action figure simulation? No one laughed, their heads popped off as we passed
November 20, 2025 at 9:53 PM
All the deadlines at work are like did you hear the one about you're just not taking us seriously maybe it's only some kind of action figure simulation? No one laughed, their heads popped off as we passed
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Question marks just interrupt the flow like oh your curiosity is a whirlpool? Well then I shall satisfy it in some opposite direction so my encyclopedias don't capsize
November 21, 2025 at 4:55 PM
Question marks just interrupt the flow like oh your curiosity is a whirlpool? Well then I shall satisfy it in some opposite direction so my encyclopedias don't capsize
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
You don't know me but I'm the guy who raises prices mid November so people think things are "On Sale" come Black Friday
November 20, 2025 at 7:53 PM
You don't know me but I'm the guy who raises prices mid November so people think things are "On Sale" come Black Friday
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
🎶 Grant Tanaka's back and BlueSky just got better.
Hey la. Hey la.
Grant Tanaka's back! 🎶
Hey la. Hey la.
Grant Tanaka's back! 🎶
November 21, 2025 at 5:37 PM
🎶 Grant Tanaka's back and BlueSky just got better.
Hey la. Hey la.
Grant Tanaka's back! 🎶
Hey la. Hey la.
Grant Tanaka's back! 🎶
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
CDC website edited to say autism is caused by storks that are molting
November 22, 2025 at 1:40 AM
CDC website edited to say autism is caused by storks that are molting
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
realtor: jesus. your house is a monstrosity
frankenstein: what
frankenstein: what
November 20, 2025 at 8:05 PM
realtor: jesus. your house is a monstrosity
frankenstein: what
frankenstein: what
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
i always accept cookies. who wouldn’t ? are you insane they’re delicious jfc
November 21, 2025 at 1:30 PM
i always accept cookies. who wouldn’t ? are you insane they’re delicious jfc
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
me: i have to tell you something but keep it on the down low. you need deodorant. here. take this.
bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??
bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??
November 21, 2025 at 5:53 PM
me: i have to tell you something but keep it on the down low. you need deodorant. here. take this.
bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??
bff: ok. your secret™️ is safe with me. wait. what ??
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
I do this thing called Whimsical Fridays where I put an autoresponder on my email and pretend like I am not sitting right there reading them and very able to respond immediately
November 21, 2025 at 12:29 PM
I do this thing called Whimsical Fridays where I put an autoresponder on my email and pretend like I am not sitting right there reading them and very able to respond immediately
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Today was wacky as hell. Did somebody spike the water supply with acid.
November 22, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Today was wacky as hell. Did somebody spike the water supply with acid.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
We now have to tell patients to come in 20 min early, not 15, and I cannot do the math. This may be the end of me here.
November 21, 2025 at 3:24 PM
We now have to tell patients to come in 20 min early, not 15, and I cannot do the math. This may be the end of me here.
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
this meeting could have been a blessed silence
November 18, 2025 at 12:48 PM
this meeting could have been a blessed silence
Reposted by Grant Tanaka
Wtf happened to man-buns? Are they in some kind of confederacy with murder clowns?
November 20, 2025 at 10:52 PM
Wtf happened to man-buns? Are they in some kind of confederacy with murder clowns?