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Reposted by Grant Tanaka

Shitposts In Tiaras @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social · 18h

When you're trying to read a skeet but something's covering your feet Grant Tanaka 🏆👑 Congratulations @granttanaka.bsky.social from @nahyoudoit.bsky.social

Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 20h

they say that exercise helps depression, but how did accidentally sharting on a treadmill help exactly

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 19h

well then the embarrassment and extra Tide detergent was worth it

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 19h

yeah but planet fitness canceled my membership

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 20h

thank god it's just tears

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alexis simpson @amutepiggy.bsky.social · 20h

i dunno what if you tried sharting on purpose

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 20h

"Sharting With Purpose" is gonna be the title of my biography, thank you so much

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Grant Tanaka @granttanaka.bsky.social · 20h

they say that exercise helps depression, but how did accidentally sharting on a treadmill help exactly

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Taffeta V. @taffetav.bsky.social · 4d

Please talk me out of buying my dog a $45 sweater that has an old school heart tattoo with a “Mom” banner

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 1d

bluesky is where one goes to stay up to date on current events if you like your daily news dripping with sarcasm and maybe some fondue

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CynicalTherapist @cynicaltherapist.bsky.social · 23h

The chainsaws and laughter from the tree trimming guys are inadvertently getting me into the halloween spirit.

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · 1d

Whenever I feel alone I try to remind myself that my parents are looking down on me with love and hoping that one day I’ll find happiness with a special someone, and that when I do I’ll finally let them out of the attic.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

all of my retirement hopes now rest entirely with my partial collection of commemorative state quarters, a complete set of encyclopedias from 1974, some slap bracelets, a dozen slightly scratched k-tel records, and my final unused gwyneth paltrow vagina candle

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Julie Lavender Menace @2tickytacky.bsky.social · 6d

My girlfriend thinks I'm only with her because of her pretty handwriting. I don't have the heart to tell her she's right.

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sısıɹɔ˙ʎʇıʇuǝpı @identityxcrisis.bsky.social · 2d

Oh good I came back right as the app was collapsing, it seems.

Yeah, sounds about right.

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Roxy @laboxalaroxa.bsky.social · 2d

Lately, my dreams include a lot of yelling and crying so I'm not sure if I've really been sleeping.

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Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 21h

It’s too early in the day to fly into a rage and smash everything in my house like Johnny Depp in a hotel room — at least that’s what I keep telling myself. Later, perhaps, if my schedule permits.

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Swim Jeans 👖 @shortsleevesuit.bsky.social · 4d

*googles “beginner butt plugs” on your work computer*

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 1d

just read that you’re supposed to laugh during sex. yay. one less thing to fake 😬

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 1d

[casting for porn flick, 1930]
director: your name?
actress, bewitched: agnes
director: not loving it. and your last name?
actress, bothered: moorehead
director: perfect
actress, bewildered: huh ?

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 2d

my daughter’s friends’ sister’s girlfriends’ cousin made $3,000,000 from investing in peloton & im just over here hoping that all the apostrophe’s in this post are correct oh goddammit

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Seamus O'Flaugherty @seamussaid.bsky.social · 1d

Whenever I tell my kids they are putting the cart before the horse they look at me with dead eyes so I know it's time for me to explain how horse transportation worked

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Seamus O'Flaugherty @seamussaid.bsky.social · 1d

my autistic daughter got in trouble at school today for taking her pants off and dancing in class so she didn't get to eat what she wanted for dinner (punishment) but I let her dance buck naked in the moonlight tonight because she was just a little early for what her ancestors did every full moon

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Jim @jimstewart.bsky.social · 1d

Thought about shitposting over on LinkedIn, and then realized it's just a bunch of shitty posts.

Those are not my people. You are my people.

Ride or die, this is my last social media experience.

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

Not to brag but if I wrote that Tubthumping song, it would’ve ended after that first line.

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 1d

October offers a reminder that Mondays are often a trick and Fridays are usually a treat.

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