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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥

@gupton68.bsky.social

16K followers 1.4K following 2K posts

They’re so perky, I love that! the man, the myth, the bellend my BS bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaadqbbtnlfxy my top bs: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:3bnoyda3i7sv7k6p3vzmjtvj/feed/aaahguixerquo

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · Mar 18

How long after a tonsillectomy is it safe to give a blowjob?

~ asking for my wife (tonsils removed, August 2013)

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · 5h

I'd say I’m pleased to meet you but we both know that I would be lying.

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · 5h

I'd say I’m pleased to meet you but we both know that I would be lying.

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Daisy @daisy91.bsky.social · 5h

Sorry I can’t come to your wedding. That’s the weekend I’ve scheduled to blow pet safe bubbles to my kitten.

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Queen RanDumb @invisihole.bsky.social · 6h

Reddit exists for when you start to think there's TOO much good in the world.

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The Bearminator @the-bearminator.bsky.social · 4d

Once bitten, twice as likely to become a zombie.

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · May 19

always a bridesmaid
never in a scircle

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 1d

*In the woods* I stop, raising my hand to silence my companion. I kneel down, and rub my finger through a rut in the forest floor. Wrapper fragments. The Beef ‘N Cheddars have migrated through here. “We’re on the right track” I say, adjusting my compound bow in its holster as we continue our hunt.

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 21h

Police Detective: The jig is up!
Me: *stops dancing in tears*

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💀Tombkick💀 @doomkick.com · 6h

Thank you for signing up for Wild & Wacky Wednesday Camel Facts!
This week’s Wild & Wacky Wednesday Camel Fact is:
Camels have thick lips which let them forage for thorny plants other animals can’t eat.
Join us next week for another Wild & Wacky Wednesday Camel Fact!

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Andreya @andreyasasylum.bsky.social · 12h

Even my damn heart monitor had me download an app.

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Theciscokidder @theciscokidder.bsky.social · 6h

It's sad how people expect change without actually changing anything. It's me, I'm people.

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Living_in_the_rhyme_light @catharticchaos.bsky.social · Nov 12

“Damn it, that sounded way funnier in my head.” - me and every tweet I’ve ever written.

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Cosmic Clau @cosmicclau.bsky.social · 11h

autocorrect keeps changing but to bit and in to I and at this point I don't believe it has any interest in being helpful and is just trying to be a massive prick

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thepokeuk.bsky.social @thepokeuk.bsky.social · 11h

25 of the funniest posts we’ve seen on Bluesky this week.
www.thepoke.com/2025/10/08/2...

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Danny @mardigroan.bsky.social · 4d

🎶 I will be your father figure. I will go out for some smokes and never return. 🎶

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · May 11

It seems to me that folk are either cat-people or dog-people.

It also occurs to me that I should maybe lay off the PCP for a while.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · Jun 17

Fleetwood Mac: Tell me lies, tell me sweet little lies.

Me: Um, OK, if you insist.
The 𝘛𝘶𝘴𝘬 album was a GREAT idea.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 8h

I'm as much to blame as you are, I said, because what's one more lie.

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · 1d

Whenever I feel alone I try to remind myself that my parents are looking down on me with love and hoping that one day I’ll find happiness with a special someone, and that when I do I’ll finally let them out of the attic.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

“I look ridiculous.”
“I think you look adorable.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Steve.”
“Just one more picture.”
“Fine, but after this...”
“I know, I know. Nevermore.”