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Jimmer Cork-Bottle

@jimmerthatisall.bsky.social

14K followers 2K following 2.1K posts

From the twelve-winded sky. Profile pic 1972. Discord: jimmerthatisall My posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2satfah44msc3khoojnhrvuj/feed/aaab3adsokgse

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Reposted by Jimmer Cork-Bottle

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 17h

“I look ridiculous.”
“I think you look adorable.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Steve.”
“Just one more picture.”
“Fine, but after this...”
“I know, I know. Nevermore.”

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · Apr 11

[updated idioms]

“Man cannot live by dread alone.”

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · May 23

me: I really miss the good old days

them: back when you were young, single and carefree?

me: no 2020, social distancing was awesome

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 23h

yes, but he still has to sound out some of the longer words

TV screen shot of skier with lower third reading “CAN ERIK READ.”

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 9h

I'm as much to blame as you are, I said, because what's one more lie.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · Oct 8

This day in history. 1945. US president Truman announced that only Britain and Canada would be given the secret to the nuclear bomb. Britain made its own bombs; Canada made the Bow River Big Boy Atomic Leaf Blower.

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 1d

The only time I unload the dishwasher is after I've forgotten to turn it on

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 1d

Bob Dylan's Blonde on Blonde is my favorite classic rock album that I can't Google at work.

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stabke @stabke.bsky.social · 2d

I asked the best way to cook brussel sprouts and I’m getting roasted in the comments

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 1d

Me: (exists)

Wasp: I have opinions about that

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

all of my retirement hopes now rest entirely with my partial collection of commemorative state quarters, a complete set of encyclopedias from 1974, some slap bracelets, a dozen slightly scratched k-tel records, and my final unused gwyneth paltrow vagina candle

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

“Who is it, Charlie?”

“It’s Tim from next door. He wants us to know that our bird feeder’s empty.”

A terrier sits inside next to a glass door, looking up and to the left. A squirrel stands on the other side of the glass.

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · 1d

Whenever I feel alone I try to remind myself that my parents are looking down on me with love and hoping that one day I’ll find happiness with a special someone, and that when I do I’ll finally let them out of the attic.

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S🌟tella @havishaf.bsky.social · 1d

"Country roads, take me home."
-Google Maps: How about a goat-haunted gas station, a flat tire, and zero signal instead? But hey, you’ll have that song stuck in your head! So...Win!

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bloody bacon popsicle 🤥 @gupton68.bsky.social · Feb 20

The guy I use for odd jobs around the house is amazing; in the last month alone he’s repaired a leaky roof, fixed the broken gate, retiled the bathroom and according to my wife it was him that somehow managed to reverse my vasectomy, too!

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · Apr 11

There’s alone and then there’s lonely and they really aren’t the same. Don’t get them confused.

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Christina, mother of spiders @aikiwomannc.bsky.social · Jul 1

Earl didn't mind the long commute. He was finally an upper level demon and enjoyed the time alone with his thoughts.

Commuter bus. People are sitting. On one bench, facing the camera, is a humanoid figure dressed in black. It has a black goat's head, red glowing eyes, and long gnarled black claw like fingers.

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 23h

I don’t talk to myself when I’m alone because I read the room.

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MiloKilledPunk @milopoint.bsky.social · 4d

Your grasp of reality seems tenuous, followed.

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Wendigo Wires 👻 @joparkerbear.bsky.social · 1d

Great news day. My home state is invading another state. Never thought I’d see the day. Never even considered it in the realm of possibilities. Fantastic. Thrilled to be here to witness it. Never been happier. This is just great. perfect. Spectacular.

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Chicken the Friendly Ghost 👻 @vermontchicken.bsky.social · 1d

I thought a Mastodon was a giant, furry, prehistoric elephant.

Let's keep it that way.

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kattsdogma.bsky.social @kattsdogma.bsky.social · 1d

waiter: would you like some capers with your pasta

batman: what

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Shouting Goddess @shoutinggoddess.bsky.social · Aug 14

I love getting older. Except the whole face thing.

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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 2d

Suggestion for our overlords:
suspend romance scambots instead of real users. Remember, if it doesn't have a beating heart to still, it's not murder. It's not even necrophilia.

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anton @deranton.bsky.social · 6d

If you love someone, set them free
If they come back, you should really start questioning their judgment

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