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Uncle Duke

@uncleduke1969.bsky.social

40K followers 350 following 4K posts

Does this look infected? Just My Nonsense: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaab3yqtmpox2 My Least Worst: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:2cz6x3e7thlqjc5cxa2hnbsn/feed/aaadpxkw36ag6

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · Dec 31

for the potato fears not death

Printed instructions for microwaving a potato with encircled bullet point, “Potato may whistle in microwave.”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 4h

“Supercuts?”
“How’d ya know?”

A person sits on a fence holding a container of food, looking back at a dark-colored alpaca. They and the alpaca sport similar haircuts.

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Brick's 𝕳𝖆𝖚𝖓𝖙𝖊𝖉 House 🍁🎃 @brickmahoney.bsky.social · 10h

"For my wellness journey" I murmur as I pour a 2lb bag of M&Ms over my face

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Jimmer Cork-Bottle @jimmerthatisall.bsky.social · 10h

Thank you for your kind of words.

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𝙱𝚊𝚋𝚎 𝚁𝚞𝚝𝚑𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚜 @unfitz.bsky.social · 14h

My ancestors were good Danes.

No, they were GREAT Danes.

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John Lyon @johnlyon.bsky.social · 7h

Me: Is there something I could do differently to improve my sleep?

Doctor: I recommend not looking at your phone for at least an hour before bed.

Me: So nothing then.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 11h

“That there’s a damn shame, Bill. Yeah, no, sorry, I didn’t see anything. I was visiting my sister’s tree over on Morgan. I’ll ask around and let you know if I hear something, though. Geez, what a world, am I right? Anyway, your homeowners policy should cover it, no?”

A squirrel stands next to a partially-chewed pumpkin on a stoop.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 12h

I'd like to bark out a great big THANK YOU to @pretty-vulgar.bsky.social for this sparkly tiara! Genuinely appreciated.

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Shitposts In Tiaras @shitpostsintiaras.bsky.social · 14h

Really gonna be pining for freedom while he's enlarcherated 🌲🏆👑 Congratulations @uncleduke1969.bsky.social from @pretty-vulgar.bsky.social

Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

on the next episode of copse

Two police officers stop a person disguised as a tree on a pedestrian crosswalk.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

I will keep making bad puns as long as I’m maple.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

he was operating an illegal hedge fund

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 16h

on the next episode of copse

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

“Who is it, Charlie?”

“It’s Tim from next door. He wants us to know that our bird feeder’s empty.”

A terrier sits inside next to a glass door, looking up and to the left. A squirrel stands on the other side of the glass.

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

all of my retirement hopes now rest entirely with my partial collection of commemorative state quarters, a complete set of encyclopedias from 1974, some slap bracelets, a dozen slightly scratched k-tel records, and my final unused gwyneth paltrow vagina candle

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

yes, but he still has to sound out some of the longer words

TV screen shot of skier with lower third reading “CAN ERIK READ.”

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Uncle Duke @uncleduke1969.bsky.social · 1d

“I look ridiculous.”
“I think you look adorable.”
“I won’t be made a fool, Steve.”
“Just one more picture.”
“Fine, but after this...”
“I know, I know. Nevermore.”