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DaddyJew

@daddyjew.bsky.social

11K followers 650 following 3.9K posts

Bangers https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nhz43btfuzkkgj2hwvhvc2jr/feed/aaal2ybjpxkkq Mash https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nhz43btfuzkkgj2hwvhvc2jr/feed/aaal2qxgwlhfc Fresh Tots https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:nhz43btfuzkkgj2hwvhvc2jr/feed/aaajknw6kxutk

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · Jan 16

Dentist: have you been flossing?

[flashback to me picking steak out of my teeth with a potato chip the night before]

Me: religiously

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braindro @raindro.bsky.social · Dec 19

you came to bluesky and all you got was this stupid skeet

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 8m

Wife: have you done any of the chores i asked?

Husband: *burps* the iPhone wasn’t built in a day babe

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · Apr 28

tbh all of my awakenings are rude

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CrazyMyra @outonthemoors.bsky.social · 13h

You should be legally obliged to have the same avi and/or handle across all social media apps.

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 1h

“It’s not a competition”

- losers

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Vamp Lizzlepants 🧛🏻‍♀️ @lizzlepants.bsky.social · 3h

can’t help but wonder who my haters are around here
and like why would you hate a person that puts kine bud in my birthday piñata

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Mr. Bea Arthur, Dead Inside™️ @steamymac.bsky.social · 29m

*during sex

Sorry, I forgot to mention that I’m gross.

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Chronic Illness Humor @chronicillness.bsky.social · 1d

Then Jesus said unto the sick "Fuck off. You're not insured. "

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sophia 🦇♥️🦇 @sophamir.bsky.social · 2h

[me logging in] zoinks

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · Jul 10

maybe we weren’t born with it, maybe it’s dopamine

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Mrs. Dick Helicopter 💩📺 @hormonella.bsky.social · 3h

“I don’t need to wear deodorant”

~ people who need to wear deodorant

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2h

must not strangle opera singing coworker. must not strangle opera singing coworker. must not strangle opera singing coworker

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Reverie 💀🕯️ @augustreverie.bsky.social · 3h

Sunshine when I’m bereft is a real kick to the tits

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BEAVE @beaveinflow.bsky.social · 3h

Working from home with this view. Productivity: 2%. Serenity: 100%.

My backyard pond just after sunrise on a chilly fall morning, surrounded by tall grasses and trees with autumn foliage. The sky is filled with soft pink, purple and orange clouds reflecting on the calm water, creating a peaceful and scenic view.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 2h

so that hill you wanted to die on, that’s Sam’s Hill. i’d probably choose another hill

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 1d

I’ve never let an onion ring go to voicemail.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 6h

ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢 𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘳𝘰𝘳𝘪𝘴𝘵 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘮𝘦𝘯𝘰𝘱𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘯𝘰𝘵𝘪𝘤𝘦 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳, 𝘯𝘰 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵

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Careful, Jenn Bites 🧛🏻‍♀️🩷🧛🏻‍♀️ @alldolledup44.bsky.social · 3h

As an unofficial toast connoisseur, I can say with certainty that sour dough toast is the best toast.

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · May 19

i hate when motherfuckers roll up on me while im sleeping and say shit like "Daddy its wake up time"

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boofus 🎃 @te-kanawa.bsky.social · 13h

naked and afraid

but it's just me going pee in the middle of the night

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Chris 🎃 DevPods.gg gamedev community @chrisdeleon.bsky.social · 17h

Portland protestor frog costume: What are you trying to tell me? That I can dodge pepper balls?

Morpheus from Matrix movie: No, Frog. I'm trying to tell you that when you're ready, you won't have to.

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Careful, Jenn Bites 🧛🏻‍♀️🩷🧛🏻‍♀️ @alldolledup44.bsky.social · 13h

Savage. I like it.

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Salty MacTavish @saltymactavish.bsky.social · 1d

Blair Witch Bespoke Artisanal Crafts

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Canadian Bacon @tashaneedshelp.bsky.social · 6h

You’re obviously lying when you say that you wouldn’t use your laser eyes to reheat food.

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Marc @runoldman.bsky.social · Jun 3

I have nothing in common with people who "forget to eat".

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