Robert Knop
@fatherwithtwins.bsky.social
Big fan of my 13yo twin boys and my wife. Level 10 dad jokester.
Pinned
My parents are “oh yeah, I forgot to tell you I had surgery yesterday” years old
Reposted by Robert Knop
Let’s get drunk and watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
December 14, 2025 at 1:25 AM
Let’s get drunk and watch Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer
Reposted by Robert Knop
*pulls myself together*
*throws my back out*
*throws my back out*
December 12, 2025 at 6:59 PM
*pulls myself together*
*throws my back out*
*throws my back out*
Reposted by Robert Knop
*flicks cigarette* oh no, my bouncy castle!
December 12, 2025 at 5:32 PM
*flicks cigarette* oh no, my bouncy castle!
Reposted by Robert Knop
The 'walk of shame' into work the day after the office holiday party
December 12, 2025 at 2:07 PM
The 'walk of shame' into work the day after the office holiday party
If I say "Utah" and you don't say "Gimme two," we can't be friends
December 12, 2025 at 2:53 PM
If I say "Utah" and you don't say "Gimme two," we can't be friends
Reposted by Robert Knop
I still prefer those lawn chairs with the straps all wove together.
December 11, 2025 at 5:16 AM
I still prefer those lawn chairs with the straps all wove together.
Reposted by Robert Knop
The kid at the Verizon store asked if I was retired and that hurt. Not because I'm only 53 but because I'll never be able to retire.
December 10, 2025 at 8:18 PM
The kid at the Verizon store asked if I was retired and that hurt. Not because I'm only 53 but because I'll never be able to retire.
Went inside a Costco for the first time in 6 years. I went for 3 things and ended up spending $300 just like the old days. Back to delivery only.
December 10, 2025 at 8:31 PM
Went inside a Costco for the first time in 6 years. I went for 3 things and ended up spending $300 just like the old days. Back to delivery only.
Reposted by Robert Knop
My kid’s gonna teach me how to do Microsoft Excel so I can finally figure out who’s zoomin’ who
December 9, 2025 at 10:47 PM
My kid’s gonna teach me how to do Microsoft Excel so I can finally figure out who’s zoomin’ who
Reposted by Robert Knop
When I start getting hungry it’s too late, just go on without me.
December 3, 2025 at 5:27 PM
When I start getting hungry it’s too late, just go on without me.
Reposted by Robert Knop
[being murdered]: ugh. so blocking you
December 7, 2025 at 6:27 PM
[being murdered]: ugh. so blocking you
When people tell me “don’t write checks your butt can’t cash” I don’t get worried because my butt has never tried to cash a check
December 4, 2025 at 1:05 AM
When people tell me “don’t write checks your butt can’t cash” I don’t get worried because my butt has never tried to cash a check
Reposted by Robert Knop
SON: [runs in screaming]There’s a snail in my trouser pocket. Get it out. Get it out!!
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
December 3, 2025 at 1:21 PM
SON: [runs in screaming]There’s a snail in my trouser pocket. Get it out. Get it out!!
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
ME: *barely audible* Escargot pants.
WIFE: You're a terrible father
Reposted by Robert Knop
Contrary to popular belief, I’ve never practiced Santeria and I’ve never owned a crystal ball.
December 3, 2025 at 9:57 PM
Contrary to popular belief, I’ve never practiced Santeria and I’ve never owned a crystal ball.
Reposted by Robert Knop
The cyc in 'cycle' actually looks like a bike and now that I've seen it, you have to too!
December 3, 2025 at 9:56 PM
The cyc in 'cycle' actually looks like a bike and now that I've seen it, you have to too!
Reposted by Robert Knop
Don’t make me thumbs up react you
November 19, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Don’t make me thumbs up react you
Reposted by Robert Knop
My poetry brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
December 1, 2025 at 10:07 PM
My poetry brings all the boys to the yard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
And they're like, you're a wonderful bard
Damn right, I'm a wonderful bard
I could teach you, as it's not that hard
Reposted by Robert Knop
As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.
December 1, 2025 at 6:49 PM
As soon as the tide comes back in it's over for you beaches.
Reposted by Robert Knop
PRIEST: in honour of the deceased’s final wishes, each person will sprinkle Parmesan onto the coffin instead of dirt.
December 1, 2025 at 5:46 PM
PRIEST: in honour of the deceased’s final wishes, each person will sprinkle Parmesan onto the coffin instead of dirt.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Christmas on the outside. Thanksgiving on the inside.
December 1, 2025 at 5:37 PM
Christmas on the outside. Thanksgiving on the inside.
Reposted by Robert Knop
[during sex] where’s the laugh track coming from?
December 1, 2025 at 8:29 PM
[during sex] where’s the laugh track coming from?
Reposted by Robert Knop
The Canadian With The Poutine Tattoo.
November 30, 2025 at 4:13 PM
The Canadian With The Poutine Tattoo.
Reposted by Robert Knop
in no way was having the last 2 days off a vacation.
November 29, 2025 at 3:19 PM
in no way was having the last 2 days off a vacation.
Reposted by Robert Knop
Goods is too modest. They should be called baked greats.
November 29, 2025 at 8:23 PM
Goods is too modest. They should be called baked greats.
Whoever called it a “walkie talkie” should be in charge of naming more things
November 30, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Whoever called it a “walkie talkie” should be in charge of naming more things