Marl
@marlebean.bsky.social
If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious.
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72
Pinned
Me: Gotta stock up- snow storm is coming!
Cashier: What a cool mom getting all these awesome snacks for the kids!
Me:..for the kids...yeah
Cashier: What a cool mom getting all these awesome snacks for the kids!
Me:..for the kids...yeah
Reposted by Marl
going live with a bob barker mic
January 19, 2026 at 10:29 PM
going live with a bob barker mic
Reposted by Marl
Shakespeare: “The pound of flesh which I demand of him is dearly bought; 'tis mine, and I will have it.”
Me taking notes: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦?
Me taking notes: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦?
January 23, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Shakespeare: “The pound of flesh which I demand of him is dearly bought; 'tis mine, and I will have it.”
Me taking notes: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦?
Me taking notes: 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘢 𝘱𝘪𝘦𝘤𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘮𝘦?
Reposted by Marl
My nightstand is filled with Little Debbie snack cakes.
January 23, 2026 at 8:18 PM
My nightstand is filled with Little Debbie snack cakes.
Reposted by Marl
My eyebrows have bed-head
January 20, 2026 at 2:43 PM
My eyebrows have bed-head
Reposted by Marl
Honoring my ancestors by using a rock as a nail file 💅
January 20, 2026 at 6:05 PM
Honoring my ancestors by using a rock as a nail file 💅
Reposted by Marl
First cup of coffee: I bet I can get all my work done by five today
Third cup of coffee: looks like I can get a jump on tomorrow too!
Fifth cup of coffee: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN THROW MY NEIGHBOR’S MIATA
Third cup of coffee: looks like I can get a jump on tomorrow too!
Fifth cup of coffee: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN THROW MY NEIGHBOR’S MIATA
August 2, 2023 at 4:03 PM
First cup of coffee: I bet I can get all my work done by five today
Third cup of coffee: looks like I can get a jump on tomorrow too!
Fifth cup of coffee: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN THROW MY NEIGHBOR’S MIATA
Third cup of coffee: looks like I can get a jump on tomorrow too!
Fifth cup of coffee: I WONDER HOW FAR I CAN THROW MY NEIGHBOR’S MIATA
Reposted by Marl
THE PRETENDERS: he’s gone two thousand miles
THE PROCLAIMERS: oh for fuck’s sake
THE PROCLAIMERS: oh for fuck’s sake
December 18, 2025 at 1:52 AM
THE PRETENDERS: he’s gone two thousand miles
THE PROCLAIMERS: oh for fuck’s sake
THE PROCLAIMERS: oh for fuck’s sake
Reposted by Marl
I’m one reply away from being escorted off the premises.
January 23, 2026 at 2:04 PM
I’m one reply away from being escorted off the premises.
Reposted by Marl
Horny mice be like if the walls are squeaking, don’t come a-peeking
January 22, 2026 at 1:23 PM
Horny mice be like if the walls are squeaking, don’t come a-peeking
Reposted by Marl
TEARS FOR FEARS: I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather
AL ROKER: [starts sweating, loosens tie]
AL ROKER: [starts sweating, loosens tie]
January 18, 2026 at 1:45 AM
TEARS FOR FEARS: I wanted to be with you alone and talk about the weather
AL ROKER: [starts sweating, loosens tie]
AL ROKER: [starts sweating, loosens tie]
Reposted by Marl
I bet it feels really nice for a few seconds to be in John Wick's arms before he kills you with a pencil.
January 23, 2026 at 3:50 PM
I bet it feels really nice for a few seconds to be in John Wick's arms before he kills you with a pencil.
Reposted by Marl
Chinese food: $16.00
Pants ruined by soy sauce: $78.00
Scrolling my phone in my boxers eating soup: priceless.
Pants ruined by soy sauce: $78.00
Scrolling my phone in my boxers eating soup: priceless.
January 23, 2026 at 4:04 PM
Chinese food: $16.00
Pants ruined by soy sauce: $78.00
Scrolling my phone in my boxers eating soup: priceless.
Pants ruined by soy sauce: $78.00
Scrolling my phone in my boxers eating soup: priceless.
Reposted by Marl
people say i should learn to forgive myself but i don’t think I’ve done anything wrong so
January 23, 2026 at 4:08 PM
people say i should learn to forgive myself but i don’t think I’ve done anything wrong so
Reposted by Marl
the horniness is coming from inside the app!
January 23, 2026 at 3:04 AM
the horniness is coming from inside the app!
Reposted by Marl
how many calories in a serving of whoop ass
January 23, 2026 at 5:23 AM
how many calories in a serving of whoop ass
Reposted by Marl
i spilled tea on my carpet and now my house is infested with drag queens
January 23, 2026 at 6:57 AM
i spilled tea on my carpet and now my house is infested with drag queens
Reposted by Marl
If I say "Interesting." it's because I was thinking about something other than what you were saying.
January 23, 2026 at 12:36 PM
If I say "Interesting." it's because I was thinking about something other than what you were saying.
Reposted by Marl
I just found a crunchy cheeto in my bra, so don't try to tell me about good luck.
January 23, 2026 at 12:40 PM
I just found a crunchy cheeto in my bra, so don't try to tell me about good luck.
Reposted by Marl
You can't even begin to imagine the lifelong pain of doing acrostic poetry when you have an "x" in your name.
January 23, 2026 at 12:49 PM
You can't even begin to imagine the lifelong pain of doing acrostic poetry when you have an "x" in your name.
Reposted by Marl
When someone tells me to "drive safe," I intentionally get into a wreck to show him that he should have used the adverb, "safely."
January 23, 2026 at 12:48 PM
When someone tells me to "drive safe," I intentionally get into a wreck to show him that he should have used the adverb, "safely."
Reposted by Marl
If I xoxo you it’s a defensive formation
January 23, 2026 at 1:11 PM
If I xoxo you it’s a defensive formation
Reposted by Marl
I’ve had sex dreams before but it’s usually about MaryAnn or even Mrs Howell, never a professor
January 23, 2026 at 1:11 PM
I’ve had sex dreams before but it’s usually about MaryAnn or even Mrs Howell, never a professor
Reposted by Marl
This inner monologue is a carrot on a string operated by someone who clearly hates me.
January 23, 2026 at 1:29 PM
This inner monologue is a carrot on a string operated by someone who clearly hates me.
Reposted by Marl
I can't wait to go to the grocery store right before the ice storm and come home with a Chopped basket full of weird condiments
January 23, 2026 at 2:10 PM
I can't wait to go to the grocery store right before the ice storm and come home with a Chopped basket full of weird condiments
Reposted by Marl
Hello. It’s me. The person who bought the last item on the empty shelf you’re looking at. Apologies and good luck.
January 23, 2026 at 2:19 PM
Hello. It’s me. The person who bought the last item on the empty shelf you’re looking at. Apologies and good luck.