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Marloween

@marlebean.bsky.social

11K followers 1.6K following 1.9K posts

If you innocently act like you don't know, people will explain dirty words to you and it's hilarious. https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:7ehz6ygwahh2y3lgk7dq3xs2/feed/aaacgqxvtud72

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Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 1d

My husband bought a giant Costco size bag of sugary candy for Halloween instead the chocolatey bag...
Why does he hate me so much?!

3 4 27

Reposted by Marloween

Stace Fiction @girlawhirl.bsky.social · Jun 30

With the amount of hairs falling out of my head daily, it's amazing I haven't been implicated in any local crime scenes.

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Matt @coolnessinc.bsky.social · 1d

Took a social media break thinking I was doomscrolling too much.

Turns out the doom is everywhere, so I came back. At least here there are memes.

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Stew @stewnami.bsky.social · 1d

The real friends were the farts we trusted along the way

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Twin Dad But SpoOooOky @twinsurvivalist.bsky.social · 1d

*gets out of bed*

Parkour!

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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 1d

I bet an octopus would be really good at moon walking if they just applied themselves.

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Jennifer Parker @mrsjparker.bsky.social · 1d

5yo: Mommy, there’s hair on your arm.

Me: Yep.

5yo: You’re turning into Dad.

2 17

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Jason Goes to Hell @benedictsred.bsky.social · 1d

Rob! Rob, it’s Marvin! Your cousin, Marvin Zombie!

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Idle @hatesnicethings.bsky.social · 1d

It’s like ten thousand apps when all you need is a hobby.

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lisabug @lisabug.bsky.social · 1d

You can't spell pharmaceutical without UTI.

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Scare Blair @blairloudly.bsky.social · 1d

hanging on by a thread sounds way too cute and diy for what it feels like

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Sentient Bunnysuit @sentientbunnysuit.bsky.social · 1d

If you were to get a better dog it'd be called a pupgrade but the problem with that is all dogs are already the best.

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born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 1d

19TH CENTURY ENGLISH PROVERB: may you live in interesting times
ME, IN 2025: first of all, fuck you

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DaddyJew @daddyjew.bsky.social · 21h

Coworker: is this AI? *shows me a video of MLK issuing the Stone Cold Stunner to The Undertaker before flicking him off*

Me: no, that happened

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Toes @monotoes.bsky.social · 20h

Sometimes I look back at when life was simpler, like when the apps on my phone automatically updated.

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Veruca's Alt @verucas-alt.bsky.social · 20h

I like it really hard in the morning...

my sudoku, that is.

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Granite Man @granitedhuine.bsky.social · 19h

Panic attacks are jazz hands for the soul.

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Matty @bestestname.bsky.social · 19h

Wanting a Nobel Peace Prize is the most insane thing he's ever done, and that's saying a lot

4 2 24

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captcha @dopeshow.bsky.social · 18h

Making direct eye contact with both my urinal neighbours to say "I'm ambidextrous"

2 9 25

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bloody bacon popsicle 💤 @gupton68.bsky.social · 18h

I just managed to fall asleep standing up so don’t tell me men don’t know how to multitask.

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Jemma @cygnus5.bsky.social · 18h

Marriage is looking for something of yours your husband moved while he asks you where something else is.

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Art, from Online @artfromonline.bsky.social · 18h

Never meat your gyros.

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Eric Replatformed @21stcenturyeric.bsky.social · 18h

My eyeglasses are held together by the tiniest possible amount of screw, exactly like my marriage was.

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Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 18h

🔪

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Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 18h

🤢

Marloween @marlebean.bsky.social · 1d

My husband bought a giant Costco size bag of sugary candy for Halloween instead the chocolatey bag...
Why does he hate me so much?!

3 4 27