Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
@foxult.bsky.social
Teacher. Feckless gadabout. Asparagus hater.
Pinned
When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
My life goal is to be so famous I can do reverse mortgage ads when I retire.
February 16, 2026 at 11:57 AM
My life goal is to be so famous I can do reverse mortgage ads when I retire.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
kebab is actually short for kerobert
February 16, 2026 at 2:15 AM
kebab is actually short for kerobert
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
before email was invented, sometimes you’d get 10-15 pigeons a day with notes about the upcoming “best mattress sale of the year”
January 24, 2024 at 3:01 PM
before email was invented, sometimes you’d get 10-15 pigeons a day with notes about the upcoming “best mattress sale of the year”
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Jeez it’s only one day after Valentine’s Day and the stores already have their Ides of March stuff out on display
February 15, 2026 at 12:04 PM
Jeez it’s only one day after Valentine’s Day and the stores already have their Ides of March stuff out on display
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Is it just me or does everyone get nervous when they're stealing a car
February 12, 2026 at 5:35 AM
Is it just me or does everyone get nervous when they're stealing a car
Ski jumping is probably a painful sport to suck at.
February 14, 2026 at 12:41 PM
Ski jumping is probably a painful sport to suck at.
In southeastern Europe, SpongeBob is known as Abzorba the Greek.
February 14, 2026 at 12:40 PM
In southeastern Europe, SpongeBob is known as Abzorba the Greek.
My presence on Earth is a testament to my ancestors' abilities to avoid being burned as witches in the 1600s.
February 14, 2026 at 12:39 PM
My presence on Earth is a testament to my ancestors' abilities to avoid being burned as witches in the 1600s.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
In ancient Greece, it was considered bad luck to be attacked by a shark on Friday the 13th
February 13, 2026 at 3:32 PM
In ancient Greece, it was considered bad luck to be attacked by a shark on Friday the 13th
I'd probably go to church more if Communion was served fondue-style.
February 12, 2026 at 12:08 PM
I'd probably go to church more if Communion was served fondue-style.
No one freaks out more than a laptop whose device was ejected improperly.
February 12, 2026 at 12:03 PM
No one freaks out more than a laptop whose device was ejected improperly.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I like to move it. But I do not like to move it move it. I just like the one move it.
February 10, 2026 at 6:23 PM
I like to move it. But I do not like to move it move it. I just like the one move it.
8 oz Coke cans should be called "Diet Coke" because they have 33% fewer calories than a 12 oz Coke. Diet Coke should be called "Sucky Coke."
February 11, 2026 at 1:09 PM
8 oz Coke cans should be called "Diet Coke" because they have 33% fewer calories than a 12 oz Coke. Diet Coke should be called "Sucky Coke."
Well, it turns out my dad had never been shot in the leg with an arrow before today.
February 10, 2026 at 12:30 PM
Well, it turns out my dad had never been shot in the leg with an arrow before today.
This is my grandfather's 100th birthday. If he were alive today, he'd be pounding on the lid of his coffin.
February 7, 2026 at 2:14 PM
This is my grandfather's 100th birthday. If he were alive today, he'd be pounding on the lid of his coffin.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
February 5, 2026 at 1:58 PM
When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
I like to do the Reverse Flash Mob, where I find myself in a crowded place then leave.
February 6, 2026 at 9:31 AM
I like to do the Reverse Flash Mob, where I find myself in a crowded place then leave.
I just fixed* my car!
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
February 6, 2026 at 9:28 AM
I just fixed* my car!
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter
February 6, 2026 at 12:55 AM
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter
Enrolling your kid in martial arts classes is the 1st step to his lifetime of bar fights.
February 5, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Enrolling your kid in martial arts classes is the 1st step to his lifetime of bar fights.
"Gone in 60 Seconds: Then Trapped Inside the Car Because All the Inside Door Handles are Broken"
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
February 5, 2026 at 12:14 PM
"Gone in 60 Seconds: Then Trapped Inside the Car Because All the Inside Door Handles are Broken"
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I bet my life would be friggen baller if my name was Joey Hotdog
February 5, 2026 at 1:45 AM
I bet my life would be friggen baller if my name was Joey Hotdog
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
[Couples counselling]
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
February 4, 2026 at 12:56 PM
[Couples counselling]
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
New camera technology has enabled us to take blurry photos like we used to before we had new camera technology.
February 3, 2026 at 12:20 PM
New camera technology has enabled us to take blurry photos like we used to before we had new camera technology.
History note: Before TV, the #1 pastime in Great Britain was putting giant stones in circles.
February 2, 2026 at 12:44 PM
History note: Before TV, the #1 pastime in Great Britain was putting giant stones in circles.