Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
@foxult.bsky.social
Teacher. Feckless gadabout. Asparagus hater.
Pinned
When I was little, I used to play doctor with girls in my neighborhood. I pretended I had a PhD in Comparative Literature, and I'd serve them coffee at a pretend Starbucks.
I'd probably go to church more if Communion was served fondue-style.
February 12, 2026 at 12:08 PM
I'd probably go to church more if Communion was served fondue-style.
No one freaks out more than a laptop whose device was ejected improperly.
February 12, 2026 at 12:03 PM
No one freaks out more than a laptop whose device was ejected improperly.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I like to move it. But I do not like to move it move it. I just like the one move it.
February 10, 2026 at 6:23 PM
I like to move it. But I do not like to move it move it. I just like the one move it.
8 oz Coke cans should be called "Diet Coke" because they have 33% fewer calories than a 12 oz Coke. Diet Coke should be called "Sucky Coke."
February 11, 2026 at 1:09 PM
8 oz Coke cans should be called "Diet Coke" because they have 33% fewer calories than a 12 oz Coke. Diet Coke should be called "Sucky Coke."
Well, it turns out my dad had never been shot in the leg with an arrow before today.
February 10, 2026 at 12:30 PM
Well, it turns out my dad had never been shot in the leg with an arrow before today.
This is my grandfather's 100th birthday. If he were alive today, he'd be pounding on the lid of his coffin.
February 7, 2026 at 2:14 PM
This is my grandfather's 100th birthday. If he were alive today, he'd be pounding on the lid of his coffin.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
February 5, 2026 at 1:58 PM
When faced with a difficult decision I like to ask what would Jesus do? The problem is he answers in Aramaic.
I like to do the Reverse Flash Mob, where I find myself in a crowded place then leave.
February 6, 2026 at 9:31 AM
I like to do the Reverse Flash Mob, where I find myself in a crowded place then leave.
I just fixed* my car!
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
February 6, 2026 at 9:28 AM
I just fixed* my car!
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
*unhooked the battery to make the check engine light go off
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter
February 6, 2026 at 12:55 AM
Statistically, you're much better off if you don't believe anything is butter
Enrolling your kid in martial arts classes is the 1st step to his lifetime of bar fights.
February 5, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Enrolling your kid in martial arts classes is the 1st step to his lifetime of bar fights.
"Gone in 60 Seconds: Then Trapped Inside the Car Because All the Inside Door Handles are Broken"
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
February 5, 2026 at 12:14 PM
"Gone in 60 Seconds: Then Trapped Inside the Car Because All the Inside Door Handles are Broken"
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
- new movie about stealing my 2001 Toyota Corolla
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
I bet my life would be friggen baller if my name was Joey Hotdog
February 5, 2026 at 1:45 AM
I bet my life would be friggen baller if my name was Joey Hotdog
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
[Couples counselling]
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
February 4, 2026 at 12:56 PM
[Couples counselling]
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
Goldfish husband: "I don't even know who you are any more."
Goldfish wife: "I don't remember what I ever saw in you"
Goldfish Counsellor: "Who are you guys, and how did you get in here?"
New camera technology has enabled us to take blurry photos like we used to before we had new camera technology.
February 3, 2026 at 12:20 PM
New camera technology has enabled us to take blurry photos like we used to before we had new camera technology.
History note: Before TV, the #1 pastime in Great Britain was putting giant stones in circles.
February 2, 2026 at 12:44 PM
History note: Before TV, the #1 pastime in Great Britain was putting giant stones in circles.
I wish air fresheners came in "bumper car electricity" scent.
January 31, 2026 at 5:53 PM
I wish air fresheners came in "bumper car electricity" scent.
Just at some soup that tasted like horses smell.
January 31, 2026 at 5:48 PM
Just at some soup that tasted like horses smell.
My main diet plan is being too lazy to open a new bag of cookies.
January 31, 2026 at 5:48 PM
My main diet plan is being too lazy to open a new bag of cookies.
You think you're a good teacher? Try explaining "fixing a TV's vertical hold" to a classroom of middle schoolers.
January 31, 2026 at 5:46 PM
You think you're a good teacher? Try explaining "fixing a TV's vertical hold" to a classroom of middle schoolers.
There is no way Johnny's fiddle playin' beat the Devil's.
January 30, 2026 at 12:43 PM
There is no way Johnny's fiddle playin' beat the Devil's.
There's video of Tony Hawk recently doing a 720, and I wanted to ask Tony Hawk's kids what it's like having a dad who is cooler than they'll ever be. Then I realized I can just ask my kids.
January 29, 2026 at 1:11 PM
There's video of Tony Hawk recently doing a 720, and I wanted to ask Tony Hawk's kids what it's like having a dad who is cooler than they'll ever be. Then I realized I can just ask my kids.
Reposted by Ed Fox, Secret Chimp
my favorite color herring is red. or is it??
January 28, 2026 at 12:52 PM
my favorite color herring is red. or is it??
Being literate appears to be the best way to prevent being abducted by aliens.
January 28, 2026 at 12:40 PM
Being literate appears to be the best way to prevent being abducted by aliens.
Nap so hard it scratches diamond.
January 27, 2026 at 12:54 PM
Nap so hard it scratches diamond.