[Sic] Burns
@sicburns2.bsky.social
Either drunken Scottish poet or bored American Midwesterner, U-pick.
Do these skeets make my brain look fat?
Do these skeets make my brain look fat?
Pinned
[Sic] Burns
@sicburns2.bsky.social
· Feb 19
I’m typing stuff in here but nothing’s changing out there.
I better pick up the pace
I better pick up the pace
Way too many greedy retailers have taken the Friday out of the holiday
November 25, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Way too many greedy retailers have taken the Friday out of the holiday
So, “Captain” Crunch, not only do you threaten the integrity of my perfect soft palate, but also your medals clearly have been drawn onto your uniform
November 25, 2025 at 2:57 PM
So, “Captain” Crunch, not only do you threaten the integrity of my perfect soft palate, but also your medals clearly have been drawn onto your uniform
Cause of death?
*puts sunglasses in shirt pocket*
Party rock…in the house
*puts sunglasses in shirt pocket*
Party rock…in the house
Cause of death?
*slow drag on a cigarette*
Groove...in the heart
*slow drag on a cigarette*
Groove...in the heart
November 25, 2025 at 2:14 PM
Cause of death?
*puts sunglasses in shirt pocket*
Party rock…in the house
*puts sunglasses in shirt pocket*
Party rock…in the house
So, “Captain” Kelly, not only have you never been on a TV reality show, but your medals are backward and your NASA shirt says ASAN
November 25, 2025 at 2:10 PM
So, “Captain” Kelly, not only have you never been on a TV reality show, but your medals are backward and your NASA shirt says ASAN
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
Gifting my secret santa coworker $20 worth of birdseed. Will act genuinely shocked and confused when they don't like it. I'm sorry, I was like 99% sure you were a bird.
November 25, 2025 at 1:35 PM
Gifting my secret santa coworker $20 worth of birdseed. Will act genuinely shocked and confused when they don't like it. I'm sorry, I was like 99% sure you were a bird.
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
Shot from yesterday just for myself
November 25, 2025 at 1:06 PM
Shot from yesterday just for myself
My Star Wars ranking:
1 The one where the giant ball explodes
2 The next one with the snow cuz I saw it with a totally hot nerd girl who tolerated me
3 The one with Chris Pine as Kirk
4 The one where I fell asleep in the front row. There were little bears in it
5 Spaceballz
6 Corvette Summer
1 The one where the giant ball explodes
2 The next one with the snow cuz I saw it with a totally hot nerd girl who tolerated me
3 The one with Chris Pine as Kirk
4 The one where I fell asleep in the front row. There were little bears in it
5 Spaceballz
6 Corvette Summer
November 25, 2025 at 1:47 PM
My Star Wars ranking:
1 The one where the giant ball explodes
2 The next one with the snow cuz I saw it with a totally hot nerd girl who tolerated me
3 The one with Chris Pine as Kirk
4 The one where I fell asleep in the front row. There were little bears in it
5 Spaceballz
6 Corvette Summer
1 The one where the giant ball explodes
2 The next one with the snow cuz I saw it with a totally hot nerd girl who tolerated me
3 The one with Chris Pine as Kirk
4 The one where I fell asleep in the front row. There were little bears in it
5 Spaceballz
6 Corvette Summer
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
my psychiatrist says he loves my posts but he also tripled my dosage of antipsychotics so he couldn't love them 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 much
November 25, 2025 at 4:13 AM
my psychiatrist says he loves my posts but he also tripled my dosage of antipsychotics so he couldn't love them 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 much
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
So how long have you been in therapy <flirting>
November 25, 2025 at 4:36 AM
So how long have you been in therapy <flirting>
Just put in my AirPods without music playing and good god when did my neck start crackling like an empty plastic water bottle in the grip of a nervous public speaker
November 25, 2025 at 4:23 AM
Just put in my AirPods without music playing and good god when did my neck start crackling like an empty plastic water bottle in the grip of a nervous public speaker
Ok fine I’ll admit it my name is Igor and this account originated in an internet disinformation troll farm in Russia but I got fired for not staying on topic because y’all are hilarious as fuck
November 25, 2025 at 4:18 AM
Ok fine I’ll admit it my name is Igor and this account originated in an internet disinformation troll farm in Russia but I got fired for not staying on topic because y’all are hilarious as fuck
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
I haven't really posted in awhile. I got to see what Bluesky life would be like if I wasn't around.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
November 25, 2025 at 3:39 AM
I haven't really posted in awhile. I got to see what Bluesky life would be like if I wasn't around.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
It's like George Bailey discovered everyone was better off without him, so he returned out of spite.
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
Will I understand the movie Seven if I haven't seen the movies One through Six, and have never felt the warming glow of a woman's loving embrace?
November 25, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Will I understand the movie Seven if I haven't seen the movies One through Six, and have never felt the warming glow of a woman's loving embrace?
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
November 25, 2025 at 12:32 AM
Some nights I throw all of my coats on the bed in the guest room so it looks like I’m having a big party.
Yep it’s not the fossil fuels or deregulated billion $ industries, it’s that part of the turkey carcass that won’t fit in my soup pot once a year. My bad, planet!
apnews.com/article/than...
apnews.com/article/than...
Your Thanksgiving leftovers are harming the planet. There are ways to shop and cook smarter
Americans wasted an estimated 320 million pounds of food last year from Thanksgiving alone. The food waste nonprofit, ReFED, says that's enough to feed every food insecure person in the U.S. five meal...
apnews.com
November 24, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Yep it’s not the fossil fuels or deregulated billion $ industries, it’s that part of the turkey carcass that won’t fit in my soup pot once a year. My bad, planet!
apnews.com/article/than...
apnews.com/article/than...
This moron — next he’s gonna demand his AG dig up Mister Rogers and charge him with woke
November 24, 2025 at 8:17 PM
This moron — next he’s gonna demand his AG dig up Mister Rogers and charge him with woke
Sorry fam but I’ve had enough turkey, this year we’re having vulgar roast. Bring your smartphones.
November 24, 2025 at 7:56 PM
Sorry fam but I’ve had enough turkey, this year we’re having vulgar roast. Bring your smartphones.
I hope this email finds you flipping your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing,
Strolling along down a— what's that word again? Street
Legs are required for jumping, dancing,
Strolling along down a— what's that word again? Street
i hope this email finds you soaring, tumbling, free-wheeling
through an endless diamond sky
through an endless diamond sky
i hope this email finds you chillin with Nemo
November 24, 2025 at 6:34 PM
I hope this email finds you flipping your fins, you don't get too far
Legs are required for jumping, dancing,
Strolling along down a— what's that word again? Street
Legs are required for jumping, dancing,
Strolling along down a— what's that word again? Street
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
he’s indicted falsely.
November 24, 2025 at 5:58 PM
he’s indicted falsely.
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
introverts don’t like parties because we get fomo as soon as we arrive
November 24, 2025 at 6:00 PM
introverts don’t like parties because we get fomo as soon as we arrive
Addled Wisconsin Senator just said his healthcare plan would have us buying insurance from businesses like Amazon and Costco so now I’ll be looking for a second kidney on the black market
November 24, 2025 at 5:33 PM
Addled Wisconsin Senator just said his healthcare plan would have us buying insurance from businesses like Amazon and Costco so now I’ll be looking for a second kidney on the black market
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
November 24, 2025 at 2:17 PM
Having just been through the desert carrying a guy with no name, it felt good to get out of the rain.
Reposted by [Sic] Burns
When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
November 24, 2025 at 2:01 PM
When you find yourself in bear country always carry a steak to throw at any hungry grizzlies that cross your path so they know how delicious you will be.
Can’t right now I’m uprooting my family and moving to red state Indiana to get that sweet 1/2 percent lower inflation that some needle dick billionaire promised on TV
November 24, 2025 at 3:09 PM
Can’t right now I’m uprooting my family and moving to red state Indiana to get that sweet 1/2 percent lower inflation that some needle dick billionaire promised on TV
Alexa what temperature does the turkey need to be to burst into flames when my MAGA in-laws get too close to the deep fryer
November 24, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Alexa what temperature does the turkey need to be to burst into flames when my MAGA in-laws get too close to the deep fryer