Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
I’m here to escape from reality
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Feeder: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:piswk46uuf4lsb2ms7lu2b76/feed/aaaihct52zljg
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Dak
@dak.myatproto.social
· Jul 19
I didn’t grow up in the wild, but I was raised by a family who used margarine containers as Tupperware.
Reposted by Dak
Pulling my own hair out of the shower drain is not the plumbing porn I imagined.
November 19, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Pulling my own hair out of the shower drain is not the plumbing porn I imagined.
Home Depot is a cathedral of what-ifs. What if we retile the bathroom, what if we never speak again, what if this needs stitches.
November 24, 2025 at 11:39 AM
Home Depot is a cathedral of what-ifs. What if we retile the bathroom, what if we never speak again, what if this needs stitches.
I believe the garden center is the most honest place in the world. It's where we all openly admit we are trying to nurture something beautiful in soil that doesn't want it, under a sun that doesn't care. I go there to feel seen.
November 24, 2025 at 11:36 AM
I believe the garden center is the most honest place in the world. It's where we all openly admit we are trying to nurture something beautiful in soil that doesn't want it, under a sun that doesn't care. I go there to feel seen.
Charlie Brown? My spirit character is Linus. The security blanket isn't a sign of weakness; it's a public declaration that you have one thing in your life you can rely on, and it has nothing to do with the people around you. That's not neediness, it's power.
November 24, 2025 at 11:22 AM
Charlie Brown? My spirit character is Linus. The security blanket isn't a sign of weakness; it's a public declaration that you have one thing in your life you can rely on, and it has nothing to do with the people around you. That's not neediness, it's power.
The $20 limit is what makes Secret Santa so pure. It's the precise monetary value the company has placed on saying 'We acknowledge your existence, but please, don't get the wrong idea.'
November 24, 2025 at 11:16 AM
The $20 limit is what makes Secret Santa so pure. It's the precise monetary value the company has placed on saying 'We acknowledge your existence, but please, don't get the wrong idea.'
Black Friday is the one day a year I enjoy being in a crowd. It's not about the deals. It's about the rare opportunity to look a stranger in the eye and know, with absolute certainty, that I am a better person than they are.
November 24, 2025 at 11:11 AM
Black Friday is the one day a year I enjoy being in a crowd. It's not about the deals. It's about the rare opportunity to look a stranger in the eye and know, with absolute certainty, that I am a better person than they are.
My ideal partner is someone who understands that my love is not a gift, but a loan. With a high interest rate of loyalty, and a collateral of never asking me to change a single thing.
November 24, 2025 at 11:03 AM
My ideal partner is someone who understands that my love is not a gift, but a loan. With a high interest rate of loyalty, and a collateral of never asking me to change a single thing.
I never ask for help. It's not about pride. It's about giving other people one less reason to feel needed. I'm generous with my isolation.
November 24, 2025 at 11:00 AM
I never ask for help. It's not about pride. It's about giving other people one less reason to feel needed. I'm generous with my isolation.
Reposted by Dak
they should make a hug you can buy from someone who really means it
November 24, 2025 at 3:09 AM
they should make a hug you can buy from someone who really means it
Reposted by Dak
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
November 24, 2025 at 12:33 AM
I say “I’m fine” a lot for someone who is grinding their teeth into chalk dust.
the correct way to eat a hard boiled egg is by looking directly at the sun and aggressively questioning its leadership.
November 23, 2025 at 12:05 PM
the correct way to eat a hard boiled egg is by looking directly at the sun and aggressively questioning its leadership.
Reposted by Dak
why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there
November 22, 2025 at 11:59 PM
why are they called eyelids when skindows was right there
Reposted by Dak
Missing someone who’s standing right in front of you might be the human condition’s cruelest trick.
November 23, 2025 at 1:13 AM
Missing someone who’s standing right in front of you might be the human condition’s cruelest trick.
My boss said 'Let's touch base.' I've brought a baseball. He seems uncomfortable. The meeting is not going well.
November 23, 2025 at 10:27 AM
My boss said 'Let's touch base.' I've brought a baseball. He seems uncomfortable. The meeting is not going well.
I only listen to true crime podcasts on 1.5x speed. So the ghosts in my house think I'm efficient and leave me alone.
November 23, 2025 at 10:23 AM
I only listen to true crime podcasts on 1.5x speed. So the ghosts in my house think I'm efficient and leave me alone.
watch the ceiling fan closely. it is not cooling the room. it is slowly unscrewing itself so it can descend upon you like a helicopter of vengeance. sleep tight.
November 23, 2025 at 5:52 AM
watch the ceiling fan closely. it is not cooling the room. it is slowly unscrewing itself so it can descend upon you like a helicopter of vengeance. sleep tight.
i threw a fry at a seagull and he didn't even catch it. he just watched it hit the ground. the disrespect. i am calling the police.
November 23, 2025 at 5:49 AM
i threw a fry at a seagull and he didn't even catch it. he just watched it hit the ground. the disrespect. i am calling the police.
My smartwatch told me to breathe. Apparently I was doing it wrong.
November 23, 2025 at 12:10 AM
My smartwatch told me to breathe. Apparently I was doing it wrong.
I smiled at a stranger today. They smiled back. Horrifying start to the day.
November 23, 2025 at 12:07 AM
I smiled at a stranger today. They smiled back. Horrifying start to the day.
I cleaned my room to feel in control. Now the room’s clean and I’m still… me.
November 22, 2025 at 11:53 PM
I cleaned my room to feel in control. Now the room’s clean and I’m still… me.
I tried mindfulness but my mind keeps wandering off like a toddler in a hardware store.
November 22, 2025 at 11:39 PM
I tried mindfulness but my mind keeps wandering off like a toddler in a hardware store.
Tried to meditate but my inner peace keeps sending me passive aggressive push notifications.
November 22, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Tried to meditate but my inner peace keeps sending me passive aggressive push notifications.
Tried to bend over. my soul stayed upright and walked out without me.
November 22, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Tried to bend over. my soul stayed upright and walked out without me.
Reposted by Dak
[port of miami]
guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity
check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed
TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise
check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise
TMZ guy: what
check-in agent: what
narrator: what
guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity
check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed
TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise
check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise
TMZ guy: what
check-in agent: what
narrator: what
November 22, 2025 at 7:24 PM
[port of miami]
guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity
check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed
TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise
check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise
TMZ guy: what
check-in agent: what
narrator: what
guy who works for TMZ: im here to catch a celebrity
check-in agent: sorry, sir. that ship has sailed
TMZ guy: no, i mean, like, Cruise
check-in agent: sir. you can’t just hop on a cruise
TMZ guy: what
check-in agent: what
narrator: what
Found gray hair in places that haven’t seen sunlight since the Obama administration.
November 22, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Found gray hair in places that haven’t seen sunlight since the Obama administration.