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nika

@nikalamity.bsky.social

1.2K followers 410 following 430 posts

a hot mess My Posts https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:m2vyt2c75uebzega5vcbyypf/feed/aaadgbdqzhulm

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · Jan 22

Alexa, skip this presidency

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Addled Pixie’s Chasm of Spasm 💀🧟👻 @addledpixie.bsky.social · 1d

I’m not so much cloaked in Gucci and in scandal as I am cloaked in T.J. Maxx and anxiety.

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RiotGrlErin @riotgrlerin.bsky.social · 1d

arthritis is just early onset rigor mortis.

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Not JPo @notjpo.bsky.social · 1d

Reverse cowgirl so you can perform a spinal manipulation to treat my sciatica

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Pandy Fackler 🎃 @thatbrenna.bsky.social · 1d

The only Christopher I celebrate is Walken

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Tits McDick @titsmcdick.bsky.social · 1d

This is not what the 21st century looked like in the brochure.

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The Volatile Mermaid @ohnoshetwitnt.bsky.social · 1d

I don’t understand why we need a “Columbus Day” when this country celebrates incompetent white men failing up and taking what isn’t theirs all year round.

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undead girlfriend @hausofholes.bsky.social · 1d

at my funeral everyone is allowed to take a little piece of me home as a party favor

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🎃 Taylor S. Pumpkins 🎃 @taylorschu.bsky.social · 1d

got off schedule on my dehumidifier emptying and now they are on opposite schedules and things are really going off the rails for me

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🎃return of the Obra Deeny🎃(they/them) @geraldinepiche.bsky.social · 1d

*watching porn*

"This better not be woke"

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show me your kitties @frickinferal.bsky.social · 1d

Asking, “Is it haunted?” on every antique posted on my local marketplace.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 1d

in honor of Columbus Day i dropped my kid off at the wrong school and told him he couldn’t come home until he terrorized the other students and stole some stuff

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Jason the Spooky®️ 💛🤍💜🖤 @jasontheaverage.bsky.social · 1d

Right now if someone put me in a basement and chained me to a bed, I’d thank them.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 2d

one time when the kids were little my MIL said clusterfuck in front of them and i was so mad because i wanted to teach them that

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 5d

RFK: voting democrat causes autism

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John Moe @johnmoe.bsky.social · 9d

When musicians don’t know how to end a song, they just fade out. I think other writers should do that too. Sketch comedy, screenwriting, playwrights. Have everyone talk softer and softer as they slowly sneak off stage.
Novelists can end chapters with gradually shrinking type.

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FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF @sofarrsogud.bsky.social · 9d

[abruptly stops playing my air banjo] Oh the intervention is for ME?

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Kellaweena 🎃 @kellalena.bsky.social · 13d

“No worries,” I say, from the fetal position.

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 13d

i have ideas of federal workers to lay off if they need names

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Ygrene @ygrene.bsky.social · 13d

i'm fifty one years old and really trying to analyze the hardships i've faced over my life; whether they were a product of my environment, my own decisions, or random groups of people that i can point at and blame for everything and let me just say thank goodness for those random groups of people

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Inspector Ratchet @1nspectratchet.bsky.social · 13d

"Are you going to be ok during the government shutdown?" buddy I'm still recovering from when the library switched to digital catalogs in 1998

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nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 14d

Text STOP to quit this presidency.

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 15d

what if we just had a White House shutdown

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 17d

normalize purse bread

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 18d

time to hoard hexes before they shut down Etsy

nika @nikalamity.bsky.social · 19d

i’m in France and you’ve never seen someone so pissed as when i ordered beef with white wine