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Steven (with a PH)

@sjksalisbury.bsky.social

5.1K followers 730 following 930 posts

farce majeure

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · Mar 26

It's unforgivable that we let plaid shirts with ripped jeans become the default uniform of men when it used to be the most reliable way of identifying who's secretly a werewolf.

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josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 15h

Franz kafka ruined waking up as a giant bug. now if you wake up as a bug it's automatically "kafkaesque"

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

Genuinely I never feel more useful. I'm an ogre living in the age of men, I just want to grab stuff and occasionally roar.

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 18h

Love it when short folk ask me to reach something for them from the high shelf in a supermarket. No problem. Not for me, one of God's very own big boys. Maybe while I'm up here you could grab me something from the bottom shelf down there. Doesn't matter what.

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pixelatedboat aka “mr bluesky” @pixelatedboat.bsky.social · 1d

I find it baffling how little impact the existence of the Undertaker, a literal walking corpse, has had on science and religion

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 1d

Turns out that when Americans said "If it weren't for us you'd be speaking German now..." their objection was to learning a second language, not fascism.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 2d

Was just torn from a dream, in possession of a phrase and gripped with an irrepressible urgency that it must be recorded immediately before it becomes lost in the fog that separates wake and sleep. And that phrase? Hotel for samurai.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 2d

Sliced bread? Sure fella, that'll be the day.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 2d

Spent the whole day making bread from scratch. Hours of working with my hands to turn the abstract into the tangible, toil into sustenance, creation in its purest form. Just resulted in bread. Bit less good than normal bread. It's bullshit. Waste of time.

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Bec Shaw @brocklesnitch.bsky.social · 2d

we used to have stable boys. And now we have unstable boys

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 3d

Slowing down so that my It Follows ghost can catch up because there's a bunch of teens loitering outside the shop and I don't want to have to walk past them by myself.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 3d

Their ability to determine the most inconvenient space to occupy at any given moment is truly astounding.

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 3d

If you think how I treat my cat is terrible you're going to lose your shit at what I say to my horse when it walks into my bar.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 3d

Love hiding from my cats and then revealing myself to them. Suprise, dickhead! I was here the whole time. Where are your superior senses and hunting instincts now, you dumb baby.

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~daniel_barker~ @daniel-barker.bsky.social · 4d

Imagine you're at a writers' retreat with the lads and you're all showing off a draft after dinner and then your mate's girlfriend goes here is the novel Frankenstein which I just wrote

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Demon Car @thesleeperssleep.bsky.social · 4d

[muttering into storm drain] any ooze down there?...anything that could change me?....

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 4d

Sometimes you see a bird in flight and just know it is not having a good time of it. Not so much flying as it being denied the right to fall, entirely at the mercy of forces far beyond its ken.

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 5d

no no Parkrun was yesterday. This morning it's Parkflee.

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lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · 5d

Once the night lotion has been applied, the face is sealed. No new business. For the face

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 5d

Ordered too much Chinese food for one person so had to do the whole charade of pretending there were other people in the house too, but oversold it and accidentally crafted a one act play about strained friendships and growing apart that is being heavily tipped for awards.

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more mr. dice guy @juniorhoncho.bsky.social · 6d

making Doom guy damage sounds as i receive a stern talking to

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tom @tomwalker.bsky.social · Jul 17

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag
RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag.
KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla
RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense.
KOKO: jealousy professor

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NosferaPru @prufrockluvsong.bsky.social · 9d

Me: I have bad spatial awareness

Other astronaut:

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 8d

I'm richer than I thought! Gonna use my newfound wealth to buy exactly one cassette and make the perfect X-Files mixtape.

Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 9d

The truth is in here

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Steven (with a PH) @sjksalisbury.bsky.social · 9d

One Week by Barenaked Ladies

Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang

There was probably an easier way to out both my terrible age and even more terrible taste in music.