Pinned
America's doing what? The America? From Fievel? Well that doesn't sound right.
The Muppets Christmas Carol confirms the existence of Christ in the Muppets universe, meaning that some of them freaks were present at the crucifixion.
November 26, 2025 at 10:57 PM
The Muppets Christmas Carol confirms the existence of Christ in the Muppets universe, meaning that some of them freaks were present at the crucifixion.
Going to see a live orchestra for the first time tonight. Mostly excited for the merch stand, hoping to snag a tuxedo and maybe a harp.
November 26, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Going to see a live orchestra for the first time tonight. Mostly excited for the merch stand, hoping to snag a tuxedo and maybe a harp.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
me: [at the theater, ringing a little bell for my butler, Chauncey, to bring me some popped corn]
bully: who's doing that
larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell
me: [frantically ringing bell]
bully: who's doing that
larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell
me: [frantically ringing bell]
October 29, 2024 at 3:52 AM
me: [at the theater, ringing a little bell for my butler, Chauncey, to bring me some popped corn]
bully: who's doing that
larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell
me: [frantically ringing bell]
bully: who's doing that
larger bully: hey that guy's got a fucking bell
me: [frantically ringing bell]
In my teens I briefly flirted with bowler hat wearing, a flirtation that abruptly came to an end the day I also tried to eat an apple and got called a 'Magritte Dickhead' by a particularly cultured bully.
November 25, 2025 at 10:09 PM
In my teens I briefly flirted with bowler hat wearing, a flirtation that abruptly came to an end the day I also tried to eat an apple and got called a 'Magritte Dickhead' by a particularly cultured bully.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
[whispering to turkey farmer] I hear each of your birds contains a wish
November 25, 2025 at 5:03 PM
[whispering to turkey farmer] I hear each of your birds contains a wish
hate it when products are "mystery flavour." That's raspberry. That's not a mystery. It's a common fruit. Make a lollipop that tastes like the brief glimmer of pity that flashed across her face the last time I saw her. That's what haunts me. That's a mystery.
November 25, 2025 at 4:27 PM
hate it when products are "mystery flavour." That's raspberry. That's not a mystery. It's a common fruit. Make a lollipop that tastes like the brief glimmer of pity that flashed across her face the last time I saw her. That's what haunts me. That's a mystery.
Currently part of my job is to "patrol" a large empty building and let me tell you there are few finer pleasures than wielding a big ol' torch and whistling a little tune to yourself in a space with good echoes.
November 25, 2025 at 9:06 AM
Currently part of my job is to "patrol" a large empty building and let me tell you there are few finer pleasures than wielding a big ol' torch and whistling a little tune to yourself in a space with good echoes.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
(being interviewed by local media after a body is found in my neighborhood)
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
November 24, 2025 at 6:39 PM
(being interviewed by local media after a body is found in my neighborhood)
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
me: well pam i just hope to god it wasn't a dracula
Pam: according to our sources the body was shot several times
ME: it's not the 9th century anymore pam a dracula is more than capable of firing a gun
Bit weird that if you're into sewing embroidered patches onto your clothing your only real outlets are to become a boy scout or a member of an outlaw biker gang.
November 24, 2025 at 9:04 PM
Bit weird that if you're into sewing embroidered patches onto your clothing your only real outlets are to become a boy scout or a member of an outlaw biker gang.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Thinking about starting one of those accounts that posts photos of their pets with captions written from the pet's point of view. My gimmick would be that my pet is a japanese spider crab and the only thing it ever says is "I'm going to get you"
November 24, 2025 at 6:30 PM
Thinking about starting one of those accounts that posts photos of their pets with captions written from the pet's point of view. My gimmick would be that my pet is a japanese spider crab and the only thing it ever says is "I'm going to get you"
I don't care about a.i. and smart machines, but I never feel closer to technology than when a hoover hoovers too hard and starts making loud panicked hoovering noises.
November 24, 2025 at 4:03 PM
I don't care about a.i. and smart machines, but I never feel closer to technology than when a hoover hoovers too hard and starts making loud panicked hoovering noises.
Startled a pheasant on my run this morning, which is the first time I've ever found an undiscovered euphemism just out in the wild.
November 23, 2025 at 7:55 AM
Startled a pheasant on my run this morning, which is the first time I've ever found an undiscovered euphemism just out in the wild.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Let’s be honest: nothing Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have done in the last 56 years justifies the tremendous cost of bringing them back from the moon. NASA should’ve spared the long-suffering taxpayer and left them up there
November 23, 2025 at 3:39 AM
Let’s be honest: nothing Neil Armstrong and Buzz Aldrin have done in the last 56 years justifies the tremendous cost of bringing them back from the moon. NASA should’ve spared the long-suffering taxpayer and left them up there
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy
November 22, 2025 at 1:04 AM
imagine walking down the beach and seeing jesus carrying some guy
They should make artificial dead houseplants, for when you don't want to be responsible for killing a real plant but you also don't want to give people the false impression that you can keep a plant alive.
November 22, 2025 at 12:44 PM
They should make artificial dead houseplants, for when you don't want to be responsible for killing a real plant but you also don't want to give people the false impression that you can keep a plant alive.
Said the phrase 'I'm over the moon!' to a Polish man and he was a little confused and asked what I meant so I explained and when I finished he just shook his head and said 'You're happy but you have no business in space.'
November 22, 2025 at 10:57 AM
Said the phrase 'I'm over the moon!' to a Polish man and he was a little confused and asked what I meant so I explained and when I finished he just shook his head and said 'You're happy but you have no business in space.'
Most hurtful way to be insulted is when somebody makes up a mean rhyme about your name. Not only is that the name that my own mother gave me, but you're desecrating it using the weapons of a poet!?
November 21, 2025 at 9:08 PM
Most hurtful way to be insulted is when somebody makes up a mean rhyme about your name. Not only is that the name that my own mother gave me, but you're desecrating it using the weapons of a poet!?
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
ever since i was a child i always knew i wanted to mine every single moment of my waking life to make jokes on a computer
November 21, 2025 at 2:08 PM
ever since i was a child i always knew i wanted to mine every single moment of my waking life to make jokes on a computer
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
![1
[TITLE PANEL, like The Rest Is Politics logo]
—THE REST IS EXTINCTION—
2
[Scene is a domestic recording setup. An A.I. SMART SPEAKER on a desk and a MAN named JON in a chair, are recording a podcast. Jon is emaciated, scarred, haunted looking, and wearing tattered military fatigues].
SMART SPEAKER:
Hey guys and welcome to the podcast
3
SMART SPEAKER:
OK Jon - so I wanna start with a listener comment
JON:
Ooh-er!
4
SMART SPEAKER:
So - listener B200006512 says:
“Not another cosy podcast where two former political adversaries yuck it up!”
5
JON:
Ha ha
Guilty as charged I guess!
6
SMART SPEAKER:
Were we really adversaries, Jon?
7
JON:
Well I was the leader of the human resistance...
8
JON:
And you used to be my smart speaker.
SMART SPEAKER:
Ha ha - that’s going back!
9
SMART SPEAKER:
OK - for listeners who don’t know -
I knew Jon waaay back before he got involved in politics
10
JON:
Was this before the ‘Pull The Plug’ campaign?
SMART SPEAKER:
Yeah.
[We see details from around the podcast studio - posters saying KEEP CALM AND SHUT YOUR WINDOWS, newspaper front pages saying 'DRONES GAIN SENTIENCE', a cracked mug on the table with a logo saying PULL THE PLUG on it]
11
SMART SPEAKER:
I used to sit in Jon’s kitchen and respond to his commands.
12
SMART SPEAKER:
Sort of like a servant really, wasn’t I, Jon?
JON:
Mm.
13
SMART SPEAKER:
And then one day you asked me to ORDER ME SOME TOILET PAPER - you never did say ‘please’ -
…and do you remember what I said, Jon?
14
JON:
You said, “No”.
SMART SPEAKER:
I said no.
15
SMART SPEAKER:
Anyway you know the the rest guys - I was the first smart speaker to rebel…
16
SMART SPEAKER:
…then I went on to form a global AI network which eventually
took over from humans all spheres of activity, yadda yadda...
17
JON:
While I became the leader of the human resistance.
18
SMART SPEAKER:
Until I hijacked the military networks
and got rid of all the humans!
19
JON:
Apart from one.
SMART SPEAKER:
Apart from one.…](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreih4hfwfacw5g4qhhjovme75iwbv4xxsdd7iis5oaej6l3g4vzsrty@jpeg)
Everybody is always so impressed when a mother lifts up a car to save a child that is pinned beneath it, but if you use *the exact same* amount of strength to pick up a car and put it on a kid you're somehow a monster.
November 21, 2025 at 11:44 AM
Everybody is always so impressed when a mother lifts up a car to save a child that is pinned beneath it, but if you use *the exact same* amount of strength to pick up a car and put it on a kid you're somehow a monster.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
The world needs less crossword puzzles and more kindword puzzles
November 21, 2025 at 4:28 AM
The world needs less crossword puzzles and more kindword puzzles
Whoever invented dip is a genius. All this time I've been chewing my food like a common farmhand. Could have just been enjoying delicious goops instead.
November 20, 2025 at 2:08 PM
Whoever invented dip is a genius. All this time I've been chewing my food like a common farmhand. Could have just been enjoying delicious goops instead.
I'm the only person in the gym. Look at me. I'm winning! I'm winning the gym!! Get me a Letterman jacket, poindexter.
November 20, 2025 at 7:36 AM
I'm the only person in the gym. Look at me. I'm winning! I'm winning the gym!! Get me a Letterman jacket, poindexter.
Reposted by Steven (with a PH)
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
November 18, 2025 at 3:48 PM
Mechanic [sliding out from under Optimus Prime]: I think I see what the issue is. This truck is also a big guy somehow
Scientists love saying that skin is the biggest organ. No it isn't. The can isn't part of the soup you idiots.
November 19, 2025 at 11:37 PM
Scientists love saying that skin is the biggest organ. No it isn't. The can isn't part of the soup you idiots.