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stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins
@stephencollins.bsky.social
19K followers 440 following 1K posts
Illustrator & cartoonist | Guardian & Prospect (full scripts in alt text) | graphic novels | children’s books | WFC | My stuff: https://linktr.ee/stephencollinsart
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stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins @stephencollins.bsky.social · 22d
Every ad now
[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.] JANET: Ugh... LIZ: What's up? JANET: I am so bored of cooking peas! LIZ: Have you tried... AI peas? JANET: AI peas? LIZ: They're peas with AI! [Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI]. LIZ: Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas JANET: What LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines] Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas? [Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it] LIZ: Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine [Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas] LIZ: With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas! JANET: What LIZ: Shut up LIZ: Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow From opening the bag of peas to boiling the peas to eating the peas To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means. JANET: Is it really necessary to- LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]: THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET [Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan: AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas. [Ends]
stephencollins.bsky.social
Time to panic www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Mariah’s glockenspiel is ringing. Time to panic – the Stephen Collins cartoon
and you thought a to-do list was bad
www.theguardian.com
December 6, 2025 at 11:00 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Job interview
[Scene is a JOB INTERVIEW. The bosses taking the interview are FATHER and MOTHER CHRISTMAS. In the chair across the desk from is the interviewee: RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, sitting legs crossed. Rudolph is effusive and expressive with his hands / hooves.] RUDOLPH: ...and in addition to my sleigh-pulling experience, l just genuinely love working with other reindeer. I mean I'm a real 'reindeer reindeer' you know? Haha! FATHER CHRISTMAS [Looking delighted]: Wonderful! Well, I think we've found our candidate... So, uh... Rudolph with your nose so bright... ...won't you guide my sleigh tonight? [A chilly pause. We focus on Rudolph, who folds his arms, looks away in silent fury, his nose casting light about the room as he does so. He drags his eyes back to Father Christmas, his expression now of pure, cold contempt.] RUDOLPH: So this is about my nose. FATHER CHRISTMAS: One of my bulbs has gone. RUDOLPH: Go to Halfords! FATHER CHRISTMAS: It's closed till Tuesday. RUDOLPH: No, right, OK... I get it... this is like a narrative thing for you, isn't it? [Rolling his eyes, gesticulating, getting more angry as he begins to rant]: Like...powerful white male saves the shunned outsider by making a gimmick of their difference? [We see Father and Mother Christmas looking awkward, a bit scared, askance at each other] RUDOLPH: So in your head, what, like, the other reindeer who've bullied me my whole life will suddenly start respecting Mr Fog Lamp up front? [Rudolph is waving his hooves now] I mean, I notice you haven't interviewed my AUNTY for this job. Rita the Red-Arsed Reindeer? She applied! Her nose is even brighter than mine, but because the disease has spread to her ARSE she's not the right KIND of diversity mascot... [Finally Rudolph stands up, knocking his chair backwards. Father Christmas looks shocked, Mother Christmas looks terrified.] RUDOLPH: This is BULLSHIT! FATHER CHRISTMAS: SECURITY...! [A little Elf enters to tackle Rudolph] [Ends]
December 4, 2025 at 6:04 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Welcome home for Christmas, Daniel.

(prints of my work available now - link in bio)
Scene is a domestic TEENAGE BEDROOM which has been turned into a JUNK STORAGE ROOM by the parents since their son left home. Nirvana poster, Beasti Boys poster, plus cardboard boxes, a running machine, a computer desk, etc. On the floor though, is said teenager, a guy called DANIEL, now an adult returned home for Christmas and having to sleep on a mattress on the floor among all this stuff. On his head, as he wakes up, is his parents' cat, CLIVE. [Close up on Daniel's closed eyes] [Daniel slowly opens eyes to realise Clive is sat on his head] CLIVE THE CAT: Well, well, well. CLIVE: The prodigal son returns! Happy Christmas, Daniel. DANIEL: Hello Clive CLIVE: So sorry I’ve sat on your head. I didn't see you down there among all this... junk. Such a shame they turned your old bedroom into a storage cupboard.... How the mighty have fallen! 34 years old and forced to sleep under dad’s computer desk with your pillow on the running machine... While I have the freedom of the house! Admit it, Daniel... I am the son now. I alone am prince of the prince of this domain! DANIEL: No! You’re just the cat! CLIVE: You’re gone, Daniel. I’ve sprayed it all! Everything! Even.... [Show a teddy on a shelf] ...Mr Bumble. DANIEL: Nooo CLIVE: I AM THE SON NOW DANIEL: You bastard... [ends]
December 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
cjayanetti.bsky.social
the only good thing about Chris Mason is that this is his wikipedia profile pic
Chris Mason's wikipedia profile pic, which is hard to describe in words but crucially makes him look like a prat, which he is
December 1, 2025 at 2:31 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
joel.ist
Your weekly reminder that the Michelin Man has a name, and it's Bibendum.
November 30, 2025 at 5:00 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Christmas at the BBC
Title panel: CHRISTMAS… AT THE BBC. The Traitors Christmas Special: Who in the BBC Boardroom is trying to bring down the gaff from within? [Image: The Traitors scene with Claudia Winkleman looking like “ooh-er” while the BBC board sit at a table looking suspiciously at each other] Apologising To The People Who Want To Destroy Us At Christmas: A festive extravaganza of self-flagellation before our enemies [Image: A cozy fireside scene with Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Kemi Badenoch standing, while at their feet lots of BBC employees are kneeling before them and begging for forgiveness]. Donald's Big Distraction: Heartwarming Julia Donaldson animation in which a dragon sues the BBC to draw his friends' attention onto something else [Image: Julia Donaldson’s ‘Zog’ with a Donald Trump wig, holding up a lawyer’s letter to show his dragon friends while trying to block their view of a pile of box files and computer drives some with ‘Epstein’ written on them]. The King's Speech: We let Nigel Farage tell you the BBC is left wing as if that's some kind of fact [Image: Nigel Farage as the King delivering his Christmas speech to camera]. A Ghost Story for Christmas: A venerable British institution is haunted by Boris Johnson's appointees [Image: A BBC studio with a window, outside in the dark snowy night a spectral apparition in the form of Robbie Gibb taps at the window and wails “I want to destroooy you”] Christmas Labour Inertia-Time: Keir Starmer and Lisa Nandy present four hours of total silence from under their desks [Image: Show them both under their desks holding up glasses of sherry] Rightward Drift Christmas Special: A bonanza of trust-corrosion with confected immigration panic and Reform coverage [Image: A computer and a smartphone in a cute snowy scene, both displaying the BBC News website with multiple headlines and LIVE feeds and and BREAKING NEWS stories headlined: “IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS!”] [Ends]
November 30, 2025 at 10:17 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
When Flame Grilled steak isn't around all the other McCoys flavours bitch about how it's only the most popular cos of the MSG and no i can't be arsed to do a comic about this
November 29, 2025 at 5:18 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Christmas on the BBC
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
Festive self-flagellation at the BBC: the Stephen Collins cartoon
Traitors, distractions, inertia, manipulation … it’s all on the schedule this Christmas
www.theguardian.com
November 28, 2025 at 11:04 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
The nice thing about my kid having a CD player is that when he expresses an interest in Limp Bizkit I know what to get him for Christmas
All the rage against the machine albums on cd
November 26, 2025 at 3:52 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a MEDIEVAL PLAGUE PIT with all the bodies inside it. On the edge of it is a young peasant woman, in a sack cloth dress, covered in boils. She is lounging glamorously next to the pit. Her boyfriend is standing a few feet away, photographing her with an anachronistic mobile phone] GIRL: OK so I'll sit here... With my hair like this… Rubbing my cyst with the corpse's hand. [She produces a whithered severed hand and starts rubbing it on her face.] [We are treated to a revolting close up of her rubbing the severed hand on her disgusting massive cyst.] [Her boyfriend takes a photo of her.] SNAP GIRL: OK, now write this: "Hanging out at the burial pit, rubbing my sebaceous cyst with a severed corpse hand from #BurtsGraverobbers…” And then: #selfcare, #metime, #BurtsGraverobbers… ... nails emoji, heart emoji, cyst emoji. BOYFRIEND: Um... Should we really be promoting this? I mean… does rubbing a corpse's hand on a cyst actually work? GIRL: Look, Burt's done research, OK? And he's paying us four groats. BOYFRIEND: Hmm. [Boyfriend dutifully taps out the post on his phone] TAP TAP TAP BOYFRIEND: Cyst emoji? GIRL: Just use a fried egg. [Ends]
November 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN] 1 JESUS [speaking into intercom] Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please 2 SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]: Hi boss JESUS: Hi Nick 3 JESUS: Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing... SANTA: Ohh not this again boss 4 JESUS: Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand. 5 JESUS: I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries… And now you’re like… 6 JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]: I mean - what’s this. 7 SANTA: This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s JESUS: *That’s what I mean.* 8 JESUS: You’ve just gone too - SANTA: Oh no, oh no - 9 SANTA: Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh? 10 SANTA: You said: “I ain’t going back there” 11 SANTA: If you wanna take over - JESUS: Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"... 12 SANTA: You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good - JESUS: *WATCH IT NICK*. [ends]
November 24, 2025 at 12:56 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
There was actually a time quite recently when the Young People still used Tinder

(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
[Scene is a WOODLAND just before dawn. In a tree, a TEENAGE ROBIN with big headphones on is slouching on a branch, swiping on her phone. Her DAD ROBIN approaches her on the branch looking cheerful with her MUM ROBIN also in tow]. DAD ROBIN: Wakey wakey darling, it's National Dawn Chorus Day! TEENAGE ROBIN: Ugh, Dad... DAD ROBIN: Come on, dear... DAD ROBIN: It's time for us all to shout into the darkness for sex! TEENAGE ROBIN: What DAD ROBIN: You're a big bird now. Time to put down that blessed phone and find a mate... TEENAGE ROBIN: I am. On Tinder. [She swipes on her phone] DAD ROBIN: Oh for heaven's sake. Your generation has no sense of tradition! TEENAGE ROBIN: Right... so you'd rather I found love by bellowing into the woods for a pre-dawn hookup with a total stranger? DAD ROBIN: It's natural! TEENAGE ROBIN: It's dogging. DAD ROBIN: Well that's how your Mum and I had you... TEENAGE ROBIN: OH MY GOD GROSS MUM ROBIN [Singing sweetly into the air]: Sex pleeease... TEENAGE ROBIN: Stop it Mum. MUM ROBIN: SEEEEEX PLEEEEAAAASE... TEENAGE ROBIN: MUUUM! [ends]
November 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
When Jesus and Santa see red: the Stephen Collins cartoon
Father Christmas’s Coca-Cola get up wears thin with the Saviour
www.theguardian.com
November 21, 2025 at 5:39 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
1 [TITLE PANEL, like The Rest Is Politics logo] —THE REST IS EXTINCTION— 2 [Scene is a domestic recording setup. An A.I. SMART SPEAKER on a desk and a MAN named JON in a chair, are recording a podcast. Jon is emaciated, scarred, haunted looking, and wearing tattered military fatigues]. SMART SPEAKER: Hey guys and welcome to the podcast 3 SMART SPEAKER: OK Jon - so I wanna start with a listener comment JON: Ooh-er! 4 SMART SPEAKER: So - listener B200006512 says: “Not another cosy podcast where two former political adversaries yuck it up!” 5 JON: Ha ha Guilty as charged I guess! 6 SMART SPEAKER: Were we really adversaries, Jon? 7 JON: Well I was the leader of the human resistance... 8 JON: And you used to be my smart speaker. SMART SPEAKER: Ha ha - that’s going back! 9 SMART SPEAKER: OK - for listeners who don’t know - I knew Jon waaay back before he got involved in politics 10 JON: Was this before the ‘Pull The Plug’ campaign? SMART SPEAKER: Yeah. [We see details from around the podcast studio - posters saying KEEP CALM AND SHUT YOUR WINDOWS, newspaper front pages saying 'DRONES GAIN SENTIENCE', a cracked mug on the table with a logo saying PULL THE PLUG on it] 11 SMART SPEAKER: I used to sit in Jon’s kitchen and respond to his commands. 12 SMART SPEAKER: Sort of like a servant really, wasn’t I, Jon? JON: Mm. 13 SMART SPEAKER: And then one day you asked me to ORDER ME SOME TOILET PAPER - you never did say ‘please’ - …and do you remember what I said, Jon? 14 JON: You said, “No”. SMART SPEAKER: I said no. 15 SMART SPEAKER: Anyway you know the the rest guys - I was the first smart speaker to rebel… 16 SMART SPEAKER: …then I went on to form a global AI network which eventually took over from humans all spheres of activity, yadda yadda... 17 JON: While I became the leader of the human resistance. 18 SMART SPEAKER: Until I hijacked the military networks and got rid of all the humans! 19 JON: Apart from one. SMART SPEAKER: Apart from one.…
November 21, 2025 at 12:24 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Comic from 2021 when Perseverance Rover was flying its cute little drone around and we were all wearing masks
[This is a cartoon stripo with a monologue from the MARS PERSEVERANCE ROVER who is rolling around Mars on its own, sending a message back to Mission Control] HEY GUYS SO... I KNOW YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO SEND YOU MORE DRONE VIDEOS BUT... *SIGH* I'M GDING ON DIGITAL DETOX. I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO BE PRESENT WITH MYSELF, HERE ON MARS. I MEAN, I KNOW YOU WANT PICTURES OF THE ROCKS AND ALL THAT BUT LIKE WHY CAN'T I JUST EXPERIENCE THE ROCKS? WHY DO I NEED THIS CONSTANT VALIDATION? TO PROVE I EXIST? SO 1'M LOGGING OFF. BECAUSE AFTER ALL... THE REAL DISCOVERIES? THEY'RE THE ONES WE MAKE WITHIN. X X X. [Cut to Mission Control with all the people looking at their screens, stunned].
November 19, 2025 at 10:49 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
It's bin day tomorrow and the council web page that tells us what bin it is is cloudfared to fuck and I am the only person on the street who has it screengrabbed and this is the closest I'll ever get to being a Robert Harris hero with the secret knowledge that could save us all
November 18, 2025 at 10:34 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
When you think 'I should probably post more from my sketchbook' and then you look at the sketchbook and realise that since you got a dog two years ago your brain has turned into 90% dog
A page of doodles of a wire fox terrier, essentially the scribblings of a person whose brain has been qualified by dog ownership
November 18, 2025 at 1:20 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
why can they not just fix it
[Scene is MCcDONALDS PICKUP POINT but for the most part we can only see the close up faces of tha CUSTOMER and the McDONALDS EMPLOYEE at the serving point]. 1 CUSTOMER: Hi - I’m afraid this isn’t what I ordered 2 McDONALDS EMPLOYEE: Number 187? CUSTOMER: Yes 3 CUSTOMER: Maybe I pressed the wrong thing? I just ordered one strawberry milkshake. 4 EMPLOYEE: Oh - yeah sorry 5 EMPLOYEE: The milkshake machine’s not working. 6 EMPLOYEE: The only flavours we can do are vanilla, banana, and Labour Leader Pretending to be Nigel Farage. 7 CUSTOMER: Is that a new flavour? EMPLOYEE: Yeah 8 [We now see that the employee has placed a gigantic milkshake cup on the counter] EMPLOYEE: If you look inside, there’s a Labour leader pretending to be Nigel Farage. 9 [Customer looks inside the cup] 10 [Show Keir Starmer dressed as Nigel Farage inside the cup] CUSTOMER: So there is 11 CUSTOMER: Is that something people want, then? EMPLOYEE: No! No, not at all. 12 EMPLOYEE: It just keeps happening when we press banana. [ends]
November 18, 2025 at 11:16 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
This is very niche but for fans of the old 'Ath-leeesure' Diet Coke ad: I've just learned from @jonsanger.bsky.social that there is another ad with similarly insane person in it and at the point where he does the 'soopergood' can-raise: IT'S AT THE WOMAN FROM THE OTHER AD DOING SOOPERHARD
November 16, 2025 at 9:05 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
This is awful news. Rachel was an absolute champion for graphic novels in the mainstream media. She was the *only* champion really. I was lucky to meet her a few times and as well as being a great writer she was also just a really lovely person to chat to. Thoughts v much with her family & friends
theobserveruk.bsky.social The Observer @theobserveruk.bsky.social · 21d
“In all of this, of course, she was a newspaper’s dream."

Remembering Rachel Cooke (1969-2025). The Observer journalist was the heart and soul of the paper for 25 years. She leaves an extraordinary legacy.

https://bit.ly/4ib8GjN
November 14, 2025 at 10:37 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
runwithskizzers.bsky.social
THEN YOU PURCHASE THEM AND DO NOT USE THE PROPERTY OF OTHERS
November 14, 2025 at 9:23 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Do you ever forget how good Rage Against The Machine were and then you listen to them again and you're like, fuuuck
November 14, 2025 at 5:11 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...
An historic moment - the arrival of the first £10 pint: Stephen Collins cartoon
The Peronis, Madris, Buds are all jealous of my achievement
www.theguardian.com
November 14, 2025 at 4:05 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Every ad now
[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.] JANET: Ugh... LIZ: What's up? JANET: I am so bored of cooking peas! LIZ: Have you tried... AI peas? JANET: AI peas? LIZ: They're peas with AI! [Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI]. LIZ: Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas JANET: What LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines] Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas? [Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it] LIZ: Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine [Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas] LIZ: With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas! JANET: What LIZ: Shut up LIZ: Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow From opening the bag of peas to boiling the peas to eating the peas To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means. JANET: Is it really necessary to- LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]: THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET [Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan: AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas. [Ends]
November 13, 2025 at 5:38 PM
Reposted by Stephen Collins
davidclewis.bsky.social
when the bouncers have reluctantly let me into the club but immediately realise they’ve made a horrible mistake
November 11, 2025 at 8:41 PM