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stephencollins.bsky.social
Stephen Collins
@stephencollins.bsky.social
19K followers 440 following 1K posts
Illustrator & cartoonist | Guardian & Prospect (full scripts in alt text) | graphic novels | children’s books | WFC | My stuff: https://linktr.ee/stephencollinsart
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stephencollins.bsky.social
Job interview
[Scene is a JOB INTERVIEW. The bosses taking the interview are FATHER and MOTHER CHRISTMAS. In the chair across the desk from is the interviewee: RUDOLPH THE RED NOSED REINDEER, sitting legs crossed. Rudolph is effusive and expressive with his hands / hooves.] RUDOLPH: ...and in addition to my sleigh-pulling experience, l just genuinely love working with other reindeer. I mean I'm a real 'reindeer reindeer' you know? Haha! FATHER CHRISTMAS [Looking delighted]: Wonderful! Well, I think we've found our candidate... So, uh... Rudolph with your nose so bright... ...won't you guide my sleigh tonight? [A chilly pause. We focus on Rudolph, who folds his arms, looks away in silent fury, his nose casting light about the room as he does so. He drags his eyes back to Father Christmas, his expression now of pure, cold contempt.] RUDOLPH: So this is about my nose. FATHER CHRISTMAS: One of my bulbs has gone. RUDOLPH: Go to Halfords! FATHER CHRISTMAS: It's closed till Tuesday. RUDOLPH: No, right, OK... I get it... this is like a narrative thing for you, isn't it? [Rolling his eyes, gesticulating, getting more angry as he begins to rant]: Like...powerful white male saves the shunned outsider by making a gimmick of their difference? [We see Father and Mother Christmas looking awkward, a bit scared, askance at each other] RUDOLPH: So in your head, what, like, the other reindeer who've bullied me my whole life will suddenly start respecting Mr Fog Lamp up front? [Rudolph is waving his hooves now] I mean, I notice you haven't interviewed my AUNTY for this job. Rita the Red-Arsed Reindeer? She applied! Her nose is even brighter than mine, but because the disease has spread to her ARSE she's not the right KIND of diversity mascot... [Finally Rudolph stands up, knocking his chair backwards. Father Christmas looks shocked, Mother Christmas looks terrified.] RUDOLPH: This is BULLSHIT! FATHER CHRISTMAS: SECURITY...! [A little Elf enters to tackle Rudolph] [Ends]
December 4, 2025 at 6:04 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Welcome home for Christmas, Daniel.

(prints of my work available now - link in bio)
Scene is a domestic TEENAGE BEDROOM which has been turned into a JUNK STORAGE ROOM by the parents since their son left home. Nirvana poster, Beasti Boys poster, plus cardboard boxes, a running machine, a computer desk, etc. On the floor though, is said teenager, a guy called DANIEL, now an adult returned home for Christmas and having to sleep on a mattress on the floor among all this stuff. On his head, as he wakes up, is his parents' cat, CLIVE. [Close up on Daniel's closed eyes] [Daniel slowly opens eyes to realise Clive is sat on his head] CLIVE THE CAT: Well, well, well. CLIVE: The prodigal son returns! Happy Christmas, Daniel. DANIEL: Hello Clive CLIVE: So sorry I’ve sat on your head. I didn't see you down there among all this... junk. Such a shame they turned your old bedroom into a storage cupboard.... How the mighty have fallen! 34 years old and forced to sleep under dad’s computer desk with your pillow on the running machine... While I have the freedom of the house! Admit it, Daniel... I am the son now. I alone am prince of the prince of this domain! DANIEL: No! You’re just the cat! CLIVE: You’re gone, Daniel. I’ve sprayed it all! Everything! Even.... [Show a teddy on a shelf] ...Mr Bumble. DANIEL: Nooo CLIVE: I AM THE SON NOW DANIEL: You bastard... [ends]
December 1, 2025 at 2:53 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Christmas at the BBC
Title panel: CHRISTMAS… AT THE BBC. The Traitors Christmas Special: Who in the BBC Boardroom is trying to bring down the gaff from within? [Image: The Traitors scene with Claudia Winkleman looking like “ooh-er” while the BBC board sit at a table looking suspiciously at each other] Apologising To The People Who Want To Destroy Us At Christmas: A festive extravaganza of self-flagellation before our enemies [Image: A cozy fireside scene with Donald Trump, Nigel Farage and Kemi Badenoch standing, while at their feet lots of BBC employees are kneeling before them and begging for forgiveness]. Donald's Big Distraction: Heartwarming Julia Donaldson animation in which a dragon sues the BBC to draw his friends' attention onto something else [Image: Julia Donaldson’s ‘Zog’ with a Donald Trump wig, holding up a lawyer’s letter to show his dragon friends while trying to block their view of a pile of box files and computer drives some with ‘Epstein’ written on them]. The King's Speech: We let Nigel Farage tell you the BBC is left wing as if that's some kind of fact [Image: Nigel Farage as the King delivering his Christmas speech to camera]. A Ghost Story for Christmas: A venerable British institution is haunted by Boris Johnson's appointees [Image: A BBC studio with a window, outside in the dark snowy night a spectral apparition in the form of Robbie Gibb taps at the window and wails “I want to destroooy you”] Christmas Labour Inertia-Time: Keir Starmer and Lisa Nandy present four hours of total silence from under their desks [Image: Show them both under their desks holding up glasses of sherry] Rightward Drift Christmas Special: A bonanza of trust-corrosion with confected immigration panic and Reform coverage [Image: A computer and a smartphone in a cute snowy scene, both displaying the BBC News website with multiple headlines and LIVE feeds and and BREAKING NEWS stories headlined: “IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS? IMMIGRANTS!”] [Ends]
November 30, 2025 at 10:17 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
The nice thing about my kid having a CD player is that when he expresses an interest in Limp Bizkit I know what to get him for Christmas
All the rage against the machine albums on cd
November 26, 2025 at 3:52 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a MEDIEVAL PLAGUE PIT with all the bodies inside it. On the edge of it is a young peasant woman, in a sack cloth dress, covered in boils. She is lounging glamorously next to the pit. Her boyfriend is standing a few feet away, photographing her with an anachronistic mobile phone] GIRL: OK so I'll sit here... With my hair like this… Rubbing my cyst with the corpse's hand. [She produces a whithered severed hand and starts rubbing it on her face.] [We are treated to a revolting close up of her rubbing the severed hand on her disgusting massive cyst.] [Her boyfriend takes a photo of her.] SNAP GIRL: OK, now write this: "Hanging out at the burial pit, rubbing my sebaceous cyst with a severed corpse hand from #BurtsGraverobbers…” And then: #selfcare, #metime, #BurtsGraverobbers… ... nails emoji, heart emoji, cyst emoji. BOYFRIEND: Um... Should we really be promoting this? I mean… does rubbing a corpse's hand on a cyst actually work? GIRL: Look, Burt's done research, OK? And he's paying us four groats. BOYFRIEND: Hmm. [Boyfriend dutifully taps out the post on his phone] TAP TAP TAP BOYFRIEND: Cyst emoji? GIRL: Just use a fried egg. [Ends]
November 25, 2025 at 10:37 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN] 1 JESUS [speaking into intercom] Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please 2 SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]: Hi boss JESUS: Hi Nick 3 JESUS: Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing... SANTA: Ohh not this again boss 4 JESUS: Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand. 5 JESUS: I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries… And now you’re like… 6 JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]: I mean - what’s this. 7 SANTA: This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s JESUS: *That’s what I mean.* 8 JESUS: You’ve just gone too - SANTA: Oh no, oh no - 9 SANTA: Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh? 10 SANTA: You said: “I ain’t going back there” 11 SANTA: If you wanna take over - JESUS: Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"... 12 SANTA: You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good - JESUS: *WATCH IT NICK*. [ends]
November 24, 2025 at 12:56 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
There was actually a time quite recently when the Young People still used Tinder

(Published around the time of Dawn Chorus Day)
[Scene is a WOODLAND just before dawn. In a tree, a TEENAGE ROBIN with big headphones on is slouching on a branch, swiping on her phone. Her DAD ROBIN approaches her on the branch looking cheerful with her MUM ROBIN also in tow]. DAD ROBIN: Wakey wakey darling, it's National Dawn Chorus Day! TEENAGE ROBIN: Ugh, Dad... DAD ROBIN: Come on, dear... DAD ROBIN: It's time for us all to shout into the darkness for sex! TEENAGE ROBIN: What DAD ROBIN: You're a big bird now. Time to put down that blessed phone and find a mate... TEENAGE ROBIN: I am. On Tinder. [She swipes on her phone] DAD ROBIN: Oh for heaven's sake. Your generation has no sense of tradition! TEENAGE ROBIN: Right... so you'd rather I found love by bellowing into the woods for a pre-dawn hookup with a total stranger? DAD ROBIN: It's natural! TEENAGE ROBIN: It's dogging. DAD ROBIN: Well that's how your Mum and I had you... TEENAGE ROBIN: OH MY GOD GROSS MUM ROBIN [Singing sweetly into the air]: Sex pleeease... TEENAGE ROBIN: Stop it Mum. MUM ROBIN: SEEEEEX PLEEEEAAAASE... TEENAGE ROBIN: MUUUM! [ends]
November 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
1 [TITLE PANEL, like The Rest Is Politics logo] —THE REST IS EXTINCTION— 2 [Scene is a domestic recording setup. An A.I. SMART SPEAKER on a desk and a MAN named JON in a chair, are recording a podcast. Jon is emaciated, scarred, haunted looking, and wearing tattered military fatigues]. SMART SPEAKER: Hey guys and welcome to the podcast 3 SMART SPEAKER: OK Jon - so I wanna start with a listener comment JON: Ooh-er! 4 SMART SPEAKER: So - listener B200006512 says: “Not another cosy podcast where two former political adversaries yuck it up!” 5 JON: Ha ha Guilty as charged I guess! 6 SMART SPEAKER: Were we really adversaries, Jon? 7 JON: Well I was the leader of the human resistance... 8 JON: And you used to be my smart speaker. SMART SPEAKER: Ha ha - that’s going back! 9 SMART SPEAKER: OK - for listeners who don’t know - I knew Jon waaay back before he got involved in politics 10 JON: Was this before the ‘Pull The Plug’ campaign? SMART SPEAKER: Yeah. [We see details from around the podcast studio - posters saying KEEP CALM AND SHUT YOUR WINDOWS, newspaper front pages saying 'DRONES GAIN SENTIENCE', a cracked mug on the table with a logo saying PULL THE PLUG on it] 11 SMART SPEAKER: I used to sit in Jon’s kitchen and respond to his commands. 12 SMART SPEAKER: Sort of like a servant really, wasn’t I, Jon? JON: Mm. 13 SMART SPEAKER: And then one day you asked me to ORDER ME SOME TOILET PAPER - you never did say ‘please’ - …and do you remember what I said, Jon? 14 JON: You said, “No”. SMART SPEAKER: I said no. 15 SMART SPEAKER: Anyway you know the the rest guys - I was the first smart speaker to rebel… 16 SMART SPEAKER: …then I went on to form a global AI network which eventually took over from humans all spheres of activity, yadda yadda... 17 JON: While I became the leader of the human resistance. 18 SMART SPEAKER: Until I hijacked the military networks and got rid of all the humans! 19 JON: Apart from one. SMART SPEAKER: Apart from one.…
November 21, 2025 at 12:24 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Comic from 2021 when Perseverance Rover was flying its cute little drone around and we were all wearing masks
[This is a cartoon stripo with a monologue from the MARS PERSEVERANCE ROVER who is rolling around Mars on its own, sending a message back to Mission Control] HEY GUYS SO... I KNOW YOU'RE EXPECTING ME TO SEND YOU MORE DRONE VIDEOS BUT... *SIGH* I'M GDING ON DIGITAL DETOX. I FEEL LIKE I JUST NEED SOME TIME TO BE PRESENT WITH MYSELF, HERE ON MARS. I MEAN, I KNOW YOU WANT PICTURES OF THE ROCKS AND ALL THAT BUT LIKE WHY CAN'T I JUST EXPERIENCE THE ROCKS? WHY DO I NEED THIS CONSTANT VALIDATION? TO PROVE I EXIST? SO 1'M LOGGING OFF. BECAUSE AFTER ALL... THE REAL DISCOVERIES? THEY'RE THE ONES WE MAKE WITHIN. X X X. [Cut to Mission Control with all the people looking at their screens, stunned].
November 19, 2025 at 10:49 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
The dog
November 18, 2025 at 1:22 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
When you think 'I should probably post more from my sketchbook' and then you look at the sketchbook and realise that since you got a dog two years ago your brain has turned into 90% dog
A page of doodles of a wire fox terrier, essentially the scribblings of a person whose brain has been qualified by dog ownership
November 18, 2025 at 1:20 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
why can they not just fix it
[Scene is MCcDONALDS PICKUP POINT but for the most part we can only see the close up faces of tha CUSTOMER and the McDONALDS EMPLOYEE at the serving point]. 1 CUSTOMER: Hi - I’m afraid this isn’t what I ordered 2 McDONALDS EMPLOYEE: Number 187? CUSTOMER: Yes 3 CUSTOMER: Maybe I pressed the wrong thing? I just ordered one strawberry milkshake. 4 EMPLOYEE: Oh - yeah sorry 5 EMPLOYEE: The milkshake machine’s not working. 6 EMPLOYEE: The only flavours we can do are vanilla, banana, and Labour Leader Pretending to be Nigel Farage. 7 CUSTOMER: Is that a new flavour? EMPLOYEE: Yeah 8 [We now see that the employee has placed a gigantic milkshake cup on the counter] EMPLOYEE: If you look inside, there’s a Labour leader pretending to be Nigel Farage. 9 [Customer looks inside the cup] 10 [Show Keir Starmer dressed as Nigel Farage inside the cup] CUSTOMER: So there is 11 CUSTOMER: Is that something people want, then? EMPLOYEE: No! No, not at all. 12 EMPLOYEE: It just keeps happening when we press banana. [ends]
November 18, 2025 at 11:16 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
This is very niche but for fans of the old 'Ath-leeesure' Diet Coke ad: I've just learned from @jonsanger.bsky.social that there is another ad with similarly insane person in it and at the point where he does the 'soopergood' can-raise: IT'S AT THE WOMAN FROM THE OTHER AD DOING SOOPERHARD
November 16, 2025 at 9:05 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Every ad now
[Scene is a kitchen - a middle aged woman called JANET is boiling peas at the stove. A younger more colourfully dressed woman named LIZ approached her.] JANET: Ugh... LIZ: What's up? JANET: I am so bored of cooking peas! LIZ: Have you tried... AI peas? JANET: AI peas? LIZ: They're peas with AI! [Liz holds up to us a packet of peas labelled: Pea-i AI - Peas with AI]. LIZ: Al-powered peas harness the potential of your peas JANET: What LIZ [Now a voiceover as we cut to a whizzy technology diagram of peas all connected by meaningless dotted lines] Why not take your peas to the next level with Al Peas' new Al tools to power your peas? [Show a techno diagram of a pea with a label reading 'AI' pointing to a random zone in it] LIZ: Each pea has Al in a way we haven't quite worked out yet but it's fine [Show Janet and Liz now in a Matrix-style world of peas] LIZ: With Al peas you can supercharge productivity and make AI work for your peas! JANET: What LIZ: Shut up LIZ: Our game-changing Pea-Al gives you the freedom to unlock the potential of the power of the future of your peas workflow From opening the bag of peas to boiling the peas to eating the peas To spending millions on adding Al to the peas and then having to work out what that even means. JANET: Is it really necessary to- LIZ [Grabbing Janet by the collar]: THE PEAS HAVE GOT AI, JANET [Cut to an advert ending screen, with the bag of peas and the slogan: AI PEAS: Just 'Peas' for god's sake buy the AI peas. [Ends]
November 13, 2025 at 5:38 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a GUY on the top of an unlit bonfire. A CROW is sitting on his outstreched arm.] GUY: This is so messed up. GUY: I was really looking forward to this party. GUY: I mean, you don't expect it, do you? CROW: Expect what GUY: Well like, you spend all day with your friends getting dressed up for a nice party, GUY: And when you get there you find out they've only invited you as an effigy of a 17th century terrorist! CROW: That is rude. GUY: It's *weird*. CROW: Yeah CROW: It's almost like... *Wicker Man-ish*. GUY: It's very Wicker Man! GUY: It really is a lot like that film. CROW: Don't worry. CROW: It's probably just like a folk-horror themed soirée or something [Silent panels as the crow looks down at the guy's feet, off-scene]. CROW: Oop. [Silent pause. We se a flicker of light begin to grow at the base of the guy's feet]. CROW: Nope CROW: Yeah they really are going to burn you. GUY: YOU WEIRD PAGAN SHITS [Crow flies off] [ends]
November 7, 2025 at 1:12 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Nobody ever talks about how weird this was
[Scene is a boardroom in the headquarters of the board game manufacturer, Parker Bros. The year is 1966] 1 [show exterior of a factory building with 'PARKER BROS BOARD GAMES' written on the top] PARKER 1: Ok brothers - a quick run through our manufacturing schedule... 2 [Switch to interior scene of the boardroom, in which the three Parker Brothers are having a meeting]. Parker 1: So this year we'll be making: Monopoly, Cluedo, Risk, the portal to Hell thing, Scrabble, and Tiddlywinks. 3 Parker 2: What was that? Parker 1: Tiddlywinks! Parker 2: No the bit about Hell 4 Parker 1: Ah yes - we're manufacturing ouija boards now Parker 2: What 5 Parker 2: Parker… we make *board games*... Parker 1: Yes, Parker! And this is a great family board game which may or may not be a portal to the Other Place. 6 Parker 1: You know, 2-6 players, summon a loved one, might be a daemon - great fun 7 Parker 2: Whose idea was this? Parker 1: Well I believe it was... Mr Shimmer? 8 Parker 2: Who is Mr Shimmer [voice from off-scene]: shimmmerrrrr... 9 [Cut to a figure who is also sat at the boardroom table. It is a horrifying eldritch wraith, eyeless, pale, with a gaping, hissing black mouth drawn open in a foul, silent, endless grimace] Mr Shimmer: *sssshimmmerrrrr*... 10 Parker 1: Our new creative director! I met him at a seance, because it's 1966. 11 Parker 1: Mr Shimmer says he hopes there may soon be a set in every home in the land! 12 Parker 1: Come - shall we play? [he shifts his body forward in his chair slightly, and we glimpse behind him the terrifying eyes of another demon sat behind him, a la this iconic bit in Insidious] [ends]
November 2, 2025 at 2:04 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Forgot I did another comic about the NT thing in @prospectmagazine.co.uk two years ago. I loathe all the culture wars stuff we have to wade through nowadays but I can't say it hasn't given us all something to write about. That's part of the problem of course
1 [Title panel] National Trust Autumn Family Fun Guide 2 Go on a crunchy autumn rant! Get your wellies on and kick through some leaves while venting about the wokes [Show someone red faced, kicking up leaves, shouting “BUT BRITAIN *ABOLISHED* SLAVERYYY”] 3 Make a stick man to argue with Straw men are for summer, but in the autumn you can glue together sticks, woodland items and made-up talking points for a fun debate [A hand holding a little stick man with a pinecone head while the person argues with it: “Actually country houses *aren’t* racist”] 4 Forage for nuts in the NT Council Candidates statements! See if you can identify the nutty right-wingers in the NT Council Candidates’ election statements [Show a parent and child looking through NT website - child says “I’ve spotted a mention of ‘woke forces’!”] 5 Make a woodland shelter to protect commonsense conservatives from all the wokeness [Show a big box constructed on a tree trunk with a person hiding inside it. A child whispers to them from nearby: “You are safe now”] 6 Build a cosy bonfire by gathering copies of the Interim Report on Colonialism and Slavery [Show a bonfire scene, a person sitting next to it] I mean it was AGES ago 7 Spot Some Candidates in the Mist Every autumn anti-woke campaigners come out of hiding to try and take over the gaff. How many can you spot? [Show people stalking round the NT property grounds like deer] 8 Join us for Spooky Storytime! Throughout October our more right-leaning members will be telling scary tales of woke ghouls and demons [Show an NT volunteer in a dark candle-lit hut, saying to children “They’re coming to kill our history…”] [Ends]
October 31, 2025 at 9:47 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
If you're a National Trust member, it's that time of year again: Midnight tonight is the deadline. It's a shame people have to keep doing this to keep a toehold on historical truth in this country, but here we are. Voting link: www.nationaltrust.org.uk/who-we-are/a...
[Scene is the entrance cabin to a NATIONAL TRUST PROPERTY AND GARDENS] 1 NATIONAL TRUST EMPLOYEE [inside cabin]: Hello there 2 [A young family - two parents two kids - have arrived at the front desk]. DAD: Hi - do you have an activity trail, for the kids? 3 NT EMPLOYEE: Of course – you’re just in time for the Autumn Gammon Trail! 4 MUM: That sounds fun, doesn’t it kids? 5 NT EMPLOYEE [handing an activity sheet and pencils to the kids]: Every autumn, the Reform Trust gammons flock back to the National Trust for the AGM. Just follow the trail round the grounds, and see how many you can spot! 6 NT EMPLOYEE [hearing something in the gardens]: Listen - that's their call [Calls emanating from the landscape]: tut-tut woke-woke 7 NT EMPLOYEE [showing the family an apparently empty fenced enclosure with some bushes in]: They are extremely sensitive and fragile... But you can bring them out of hiding if you put a little sign down mentioning slavery. 8 KIDS [pointing]: There they are! [Some little red faced PEOPLE wearing Barbour jackets and gilets emerge cautiously from the bushes. They are creeping towards a TINY SIGN in the middle of the enclosure]. [Little people noises]: woke-woke tut-tut woke-woke 9 [Close-up of the TINY SIGN - we can read that it says]: Slavery had a bit to do with building this massive house. [Noises from the little people again as they inspect the tiny sign]: tut-tut woke-woke 10 MUM [pointing]: What's that one doing there? NT EMPLOYEE: Oh, that's so sweet… 11 [We see that one of the people is sat on a rock, with a little laptop open on a tree stump, and they are furiously typing away]. NT EMPLOYEE: I think he's writing a column for the Daily Telegraph… 12 [We see close up to the little person’s screen, it is a word document reading]: Are National Trust scones secretly WOKE? [ends]
October 31, 2025 at 9:02 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #4. From 2015
For this comic you have to imagine it as two separate pictures depicting almost identical scenes. There are three kids dressed as a devil, a ghost and a witch, and they are outside a person’s home receiving treats on a tray from the resident. In the background, their parents - parent 1, parent 2 and parent 3, watch on from the pavement. There are labels pointing to every person in each scene. HALLOWEEN IN AMERICA [Labels]: Joyful [a person at a cosy party seen through the window of the house] Ebullient [Another person at the party, we see them laughing through the window] Charmed [A fully dracula-costumed guy handing out trates at the front door] Home made skull cookies and lemonade [The contents of the man’s tray he is handing out to the kids] Delighted [The first kid on the path, dressed as a devil] Excited [The second kid on the path, dressed as a ghost] Enraptured [The third kid on the path, dressed as a witch] Emotional [Parent 1, stood back on the pavement, beaming in joy] Proud [Parent 2, clasping their hands, tearful] Capturing the moment [Parent 3, taking a photo on their phone] HALLOWEEN IN BRITRIN [The same sort of scene, but in Britain] [Labels]: Angry [A dog barking out the window. There is no party going on in the house. Through the window we see a woman just wtching telly] Offended [The woman having her TV show interrupted] Resentful [Guy dressed in normal clothes, grumpily handing out ‘treats’ on a tray at the door] 2 Celebrations and a Rennie [The contents of his tray] Disappointed [Child 1] Awkward [Child 2] Awkward [Child 3] Awkward [Parent 1, standing with arms folded] Mortified [Parent 2, looking embarassed] Checking for paedophiles [Parent 3, looking suspiciously at the guy answering the door] [ends]
October 30, 2025 at 8:18 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #3. From 2019 (hence the reference to something called 'Twitter')
Cartoon strip by Stephen Collins from Halloween 2019. The scene is a suburban street on Halloween night. Families are out trick or treating together. Two families are passing each other - with their respective children. A little girl called LUCY from one family says hi to a boy named BILLY from another family. We can only see the back of Billy's head. LUCY: Hey Billy BILLY: Hi Lucy BILLY: What are you dressed as? LUCY: I'm a scary witch What are you? BILLY: I'm the creepiest thing in the world... [We now see that he is dressed as a vampiric version of UK politician JACOB REES MOGG, and his parents are similarly dressed as Rishi Sunak and Liz Truss with various Brexit - themed things stuck to their costumes.] BILLY: A child in an inappropriately political Halloween costume! LUCY: Oh my god... BILLY: I wanted to be a zombie but my parents said we all had to dress up as scary ERG members because we are going to a Brexit Halloween party. LUCY: What does that mean BILLY: I have no idea LUCY: Are they doing this to put it on Twitter? BILLY: I believe so, yes. LUCY: Well at least you'll get a few retweets! BILLY: Can I join your family [ends]
October 29, 2025 at 4:23 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
new print now in my shop!

An electron's journey ✨

(Link in bio)
Print of a comic strip by me who is Stephen Collins. The imagery of the comic starts off with a single electron and then each panel zooms out one step - first to the microchip, then the OLED screen, then the iPhone, the person holding the iPhone, and onwards Script: An electron, forged in the first fire of the Big Bang Courses through a deeply intricate maze of transistors and diodes mined with unfathomable ingenuity from our planet’s deep geological past and assembled from all over the world Into a device perfected through centuries of technological evolution to perform a beautifully synchronised pixel dance on an OLED screen in an intricate moving pattern of shifting light [Show a phone screen with an Instagram post featuring Ryan Gosling and bearing the legend:] WATCH RYAN GOSLING EAT A PASTY FOR THE FIRST TIME! whose choreography is powered by an global information network of unknowable complexity which is specifically tailored to the interests of the being observing the screen who is a member of the most advanced species on Earth [Show a shlubby looking GUY idly looking at the Ryan Gosling/sausage roll Instagram reel on his phone while sitting in his pants and a stained t-shirt and eating a massive bag of crisps] with a brain perhaps more capable of reconfiguring these signals into conscious thought than any other for billions of miles around [Guy has a thought]: “Mmm…" in this endless, silent void. [Pull back to show the Earth as a tiny blue dot among the stars with a thought bubble coming from it] "… I want a pasty.” [ends]
October 28, 2025 at 2:16 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Posting old halloween comics, #2
A comic from 2022 I think, Halloween week - here's the script: The scene is a darkened woods, at night. All is depicted in dingy blues and purples. In a lonely moonlit clearing we see a CABIN. its windows are dark, clearly unoccupied. A lone figure runs towards it, from the trees. Closer in on them now - we see they are terrified. The race for the door of the cabin, desperately trying to enter. They rattle the door, frantically. It is locked. They look behind them. We see the darkened, black trees of the woods. In amongst the forest, we see the black silhouette of a figure. It walks closer. Closer still. Closer - and now we see it is holding a chainsaw. It emerges into the light, slowly the shadow lifts from its face. It is wearing a mask. The victim silently screams in a rictus of horror. This can't be happening, no, no, no. Closer, closer now it lifts the chainsaw high above its head as it speaks: MURDERER: This murder is brought to you by MeUndies. VICTIM: What? MURDERER: If you're like me you'd kill for comfortable underwear - VICTIM: Sorry - VICTIM: Are you... doing a *podcast*? MURDERER: I knoooww... It's such a cliché Everybody's got one these days! VICTIM: But I thought you were trying to murder me? MURDERER: Indeed! I'm a true crime podcaster driven mad by having to change gear between horrific human tragedy and adverts for MeUndies. MURDERER: So just tap in offer code I'M BEING MURDERED with your bloodied, trembling hand for 20% off some pants! MURDERER: Now, back to the murder- [he revs up his chainsaw again] [ends]
October 27, 2025 at 9:18 AM
stephencollins.bsky.social
Cartoon by Stephen Collins for the Guardian. [Scene is BBC BREAKFAST with two presenters and a guest on the sofa]. 1 PRESENTER: Now - some disturbing new research has shown 2 PRESENTER: that as many as 10 non-Reform political parties may currently operating ‘under the radar’ across the UK. [Show on screen logos for Greens, Lib Dems, Conservatives  3 PRESENTER: In the studio to discuss this, Nigel Farage [We see the guest on the sofa is indeed Nigel Farage] 4 PRESENTER: Nigel, what’s your view?  FARAGE: Well I think this very worrying. 5 FARAGE: And just another reason why we should ban all immigration. 6 PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! 7 PRESENTER: Funnily enough, this is what your new show’s about, isn’t it? FARAGE: Oop - plug time! PRESENTER: Ha ha 8 FARAGE: Yes it’s a 12-part BBC documentary called ‘In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One’. 9 [Show on the TV screen Farage presenting a documentary series titled In Search Of The Political Parties That Aren’t My One. He is wearing his farmer's getup and looking dreamily at the UK from hillsides, visiting pubs and chatting with the locals, etc] FARAGE: It’s a really emotional journey  10 FARAGE: with lots of dreamy footage of me looking relatable...  11 FARAGE: as I answer the question: *Am I the only option for Britain?* 12 [Cut back to studio] PRESENTER: I won’t push back on that FARAGE: Absolutely! [ends]
October 26, 2025 at 12:19 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
New print in my shop for the philosophically inclined!

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Print of a cartoon by Stephen Collins. Script as follows: [Scene is ANCIENT GREECE - where SOCRATES and PLATO and others are sitting round, thinking] 1 SOCRATES: Plato.. PLATO: Yes Socrates? 2 SOCRATES: Can you tell me, are you human? PLATO: Why… yes, Socrates 3 SOCRATES: And would you agree, Plato, that a human knows what a chariot is? PLATO: Um, yep 4 SOCRATES: So you can tell me, then 5 [Socrates produces a papyrus, showing a drawing of the corner of a chariot wheel] SOCRATES: *Is that a chariot*? 6 PLATO: Well that’s more just a bit of wheel 7 SOCRATES: So not a *chariot*. PLATO: No. 8 SOCRATES: [Producing another papyrus with the full drawing of the chariot, chopped into boxes] So if a man were challenged to “tap the boxes containing chariots to prove you’re human” when he was just trying to check his ClubCard points... *where could he tap*? 9 PLATO: Well you can’t tap any of them really 10 SOCRATES: So are we not human? PLATO: ‘Spose not. 11 [Bleak pause] 12 PLATO: I’ll get the hemlock SOCRATES: Yeah [ends]
October 25, 2025 at 2:01 PM
stephencollins.bsky.social
[Scene is a high school classroom. A teacher is writing on the whiteboard 'ACT 2 SCENE 3'.] TEACHER: OK class - open up Macbeth to Act 2 Scene 3... TEACHER: So - does anybody have any ideas on Shakespeares meaning behind the character of 'the Porter' in this scene? [A voice comes from off-scene, behind the teacher's back[. VOICE: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. TEACHER [turning round]: Sorry….. who are you? [We see a wider scene that shows it is the GHOST OF WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE, hovering over the heads of the startled students] SHAKESPEARE: I'm the Ghost of Shakespeare and I've come back to say: this scene means *absolutely nothing*. The Porter is a funny drunk bloke I lobbed in to cover a costume change! I mean like, not everything I did was genius OK? Stop giving me the ick. TEACHER: So um...what do you suggest we study? SHAKESPEARE: The most important text in British culture! TEACHER: Which is...? SHAKESPEARE: 'Bollocks People Say on the Internet.' TEACHER: You think we should study... bollocks people say on the internet? SHAKESPEARE: Yes. TEACHER: But Mr Shakespeare... your Porter scene was a question in a past GCSE paper... We need to analyse it so the kids don't end up failing their exams... SHAKESPEARE: Yes, and I'm just suggesting you should analyse Bollocks People Say on the Internet instead, so they don't end up painting flags on roundabouts. [Silent pause] TEACHER: OK class - open up your phones to X... [ends]
October 24, 2025 at 11:14 AM