Dr. Mantis Toboggan, MD
@ripeturtle.bsky.social
Only serious 12% of the time
🐺
🐺
Stop telling me to not text my ex today, tell her not to text me today
December 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Stop telling me to not text my ex today, tell her not to text me today
My toxic trait is asking for recommendations, then dismissing half of them, forgetting the other half, and then remembering exactly 12% of that forgotten half months or years later
December 24, 2025 at 9:51 PM
My toxic trait is asking for recommendations, then dismissing half of them, forgetting the other half, and then remembering exactly 12% of that forgotten half months or years later
Because Mario Kart has a track called Merry Mountain, I thought it’d list other potential holiday tracks they could add:
- Hanukkah Highway
- Bunny Boulevard
- Ramadan Raceway
- Valentine Vortex
- Diwali Drive
- Paddy’s Pass
- Turkey Turnpike
- Spooky Speedway
- Kwanzaa Corridor
- Hanukkah Highway
- Bunny Boulevard
- Ramadan Raceway
- Valentine Vortex
- Diwali Drive
- Paddy’s Pass
- Turkey Turnpike
- Spooky Speedway
- Kwanzaa Corridor
December 23, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Because Mario Kart has a track called Merry Mountain, I thought it’d list other potential holiday tracks they could add:
- Hanukkah Highway
- Bunny Boulevard
- Ramadan Raceway
- Valentine Vortex
- Diwali Drive
- Paddy’s Pass
- Turkey Turnpike
- Spooky Speedway
- Kwanzaa Corridor
- Hanukkah Highway
- Bunny Boulevard
- Ramadan Raceway
- Valentine Vortex
- Diwali Drive
- Paddy’s Pass
- Turkey Turnpike
- Spooky Speedway
- Kwanzaa Corridor
Speaking biblical truth is just code for being a bigot
December 18, 2025 at 6:21 PM
Speaking biblical truth is just code for being a bigot
Sometimes I like to open Mario Kart World, find a nice nighttime place in free roam, pause the game, then listen to the soundtrack
December 18, 2025 at 12:03 AM
Sometimes I like to open Mario Kart World, find a nice nighttime place in free roam, pause the game, then listen to the soundtrack
Sometimes people in my dreams have a different face than who they’re supposed to be. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, the best way to put it is if an actor was playing the part of a friend or relative
December 16, 2025 at 4:25 AM
Sometimes people in my dreams have a different face than who they’re supposed to be. It’s not as creepy as it sounds, the best way to put it is if an actor was playing the part of a friend or relative
Average person with a Time Machine: I’m gonna go back to see my grandpa when he was my age!
Me with a Time Machine, just after going to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17th, 1903 at 10:30am
#trains
Me with a Time Machine, just after going to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17th, 1903 at 10:30am
#trains
December 8, 2025 at 2:39 AM
Average person with a Time Machine: I’m gonna go back to see my grandpa when he was my age!
Me with a Time Machine, just after going to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17th, 1903 at 10:30am
#trains
Me with a Time Machine, just after going to Kitty Hawk, North Carolina on December 17th, 1903 at 10:30am
#trains
“We are Charlie Kirk”
So where’s the scar?
So where’s the scar?
December 4, 2025 at 11:59 PM
“We are Charlie Kirk”
So where’s the scar?
So where’s the scar?
If you think about it in terms of human evolution and global spread, Europeans colonizing Africa was really just the estranged kid coming back to his parents just to put them in a nursing home
November 30, 2025 at 4:26 PM
If you think about it in terms of human evolution and global spread, Europeans colonizing Africa was really just the estranged kid coming back to his parents just to put them in a nursing home
Gonna do that Hunger Games thing by brantsteele with the case of always sunny. Stay tuned.
November 29, 2025 at 4:20 AM
Gonna do that Hunger Games thing by brantsteele with the case of always sunny. Stay tuned.
Black Friday sounds like a day of mourning for either a religion or culture, yet it’s just a day of sales
November 28, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Black Friday sounds like a day of mourning for either a religion or culture, yet it’s just a day of sales
I accidentally took two gummies and am watching life of Brian, I looked down for like two seconds and suddenly I see this onscreen
I thought I was high as shit, but this is genuinely a scene in the movie
I thought I was high as shit, but this is genuinely a scene in the movie
November 28, 2025 at 4:28 AM
I accidentally took two gummies and am watching life of Brian, I looked down for like two seconds and suddenly I see this onscreen
I thought I was high as shit, but this is genuinely a scene in the movie
I thought I was high as shit, but this is genuinely a scene in the movie
I need to have a chat with whoever decided octopuses only get to live for 2 years
November 28, 2025 at 4:20 AM
I need to have a chat with whoever decided octopuses only get to live for 2 years
imo when most religious ppl tell them god said this, I just think it’s their inner voice they refuse to acknowledge is a part of them
November 28, 2025 at 3:31 AM
imo when most religious ppl tell them god said this, I just think it’s their inner voice they refuse to acknowledge is a part of them
I’m not playing hard to get. I’m playing impossible to get.
November 26, 2025 at 6:47 PM
I’m not playing hard to get. I’m playing impossible to get.
“Where are all the good men at?”
They put themselves out there one too many times, and keep to themselves bc dating is bullshit.
They put themselves out there one too many times, and keep to themselves bc dating is bullshit.
November 26, 2025 at 6:16 PM
“Where are all the good men at?”
They put themselves out there one too many times, and keep to themselves bc dating is bullshit.
They put themselves out there one too many times, and keep to themselves bc dating is bullshit.
Finding out I have more tiktok followers than Ruby Bridges is kind of wild
November 26, 2025 at 3:09 AM
Finding out I have more tiktok followers than Ruby Bridges is kind of wild
I used to think AMF stood for aloha mother fucker and am disappointed that it’s not 😕
November 26, 2025 at 12:40 AM
I used to think AMF stood for aloha mother fucker and am disappointed that it’s not 😕
My mom when I was 10: okay we need to get rid of all the food in the house that has chemicals banned in the UK!!!
My mom yesterday: that hamburger helper stuff isn’t good for you, but you’re young so you can probably handle it okay
My mom yesterday: that hamburger helper stuff isn’t good for you, but you’re young so you can probably handle it okay
November 24, 2025 at 11:03 PM
My mom when I was 10: okay we need to get rid of all the food in the house that has chemicals banned in the UK!!!
My mom yesterday: that hamburger helper stuff isn’t good for you, but you’re young so you can probably handle it okay
My mom yesterday: that hamburger helper stuff isn’t good for you, but you’re young so you can probably handle it okay
someone tell me how tf a food service employee has a fully functional elevator in their house #squidward
November 23, 2025 at 7:07 PM
someone tell me how tf a food service employee has a fully functional elevator in their house #squidward
This Thanksgiving instead of wine in a Diet Coke can, put Mary Jones in a Baja Blast can #itsalwayssunny
![Two characters from the black comedy series “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” hold Diet Coke cans. Dee Reynolds, a blonde woman stands to the left while Dennis Reynolds, a brown haired man stands to the right. In the top panel, Dennis says “By the way as a side note [Dee], can I just say I am loving this canned wine thing.” In the bottom panel, he says “I think it’s brilliant. I mean, I’m active, I’m gesturing with my hands, and I don’t feel restricted.”](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:tdfrjpqayydkwxn3pwyzemx6/bafkreicpp24aebppkjtz756pnhkueakt2qv3imzrk7mxdc76uuzh635kjy@jpeg)
November 23, 2025 at 4:50 AM
This Thanksgiving instead of wine in a Diet Coke can, put Mary Jones in a Baja Blast can #itsalwayssunny
In what timeline do we live in where 🍊 got rizzed by a democratic socialist??
November 22, 2025 at 2:59 PM
In what timeline do we live in where 🍊 got rizzed by a democratic socialist??
I just discovered something new about my 3 year old cat that I’ve had since she was a kitten.
she loves to be held while being brushed. she purred louder than ever when I held and brushed her tonight.
she doesn’t care for being brushed otherwise, and will only like being held if she’s sleepy.
she loves to be held while being brushed. she purred louder than ever when I held and brushed her tonight.
she doesn’t care for being brushed otherwise, and will only like being held if she’s sleepy.
November 22, 2025 at 6:08 AM
I just discovered something new about my 3 year old cat that I’ve had since she was a kitten.
she loves to be held while being brushed. she purred louder than ever when I held and brushed her tonight.
she doesn’t care for being brushed otherwise, and will only like being held if she’s sleepy.
she loves to be held while being brushed. she purred louder than ever when I held and brushed her tonight.
she doesn’t care for being brushed otherwise, and will only like being held if she’s sleepy.
those stories about stupid people suddenly becoming smart and being miserable make me wonder if humanity yearns to return to ape and ditch civilization
November 22, 2025 at 5:46 AM
those stories about stupid people suddenly becoming smart and being miserable make me wonder if humanity yearns to return to ape and ditch civilization
Idea for a “new” m&m’s idea
Throwback m&m’s that switch blue for the classic tan
Hire me now Mars
Throwback m&m’s that switch blue for the classic tan
Hire me now Mars
November 22, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Idea for a “new” m&m’s idea
Throwback m&m’s that switch blue for the classic tan
Hire me now Mars
Throwback m&m’s that switch blue for the classic tan
Hire me now Mars