Rob Telford
@robtelford.bsky.social
Software architect, photographer, bass player, Londoner
Hair is all author's own
Hair is all author's own
Reposted by Rob Telford
![[Scene is JESUS sat behind a boss’s desk in his office on a cloud in HEAVEN]
1
JESUS [speaking into intercom]
Hi can you send in Saint Nicholas please
2
SANTA [entering in full Santa garb]:
Hi boss
JESUS:
Hi Nick
3
JESUS:
Listen - about this ‘my birthday’ thing...
SANTA:
Ohh not this again boss
4
JESUS:
Nick, it’s out of hand. *You’ve* got out of hand.
5
JESUS:
I mean when I hired you, you was all humble, hiding under windows, lobbing in dowries…
And now you’re like…
6
JESUS [gesturing disdainfully at Santa’s clothing]:
I mean - what’s this.
7
SANTA:
This is my get up! I’ve had this since the Coca Cola deal in the 30s
JESUS:
*That’s what I mean.*
8
JESUS:
You’ve just gone too -
SANTA:
Oh no, oh no -
9
SANTA:
Sorry boss but waaay back in the Reformation, right, Martin Luther said: “why don’t we have Jesus delivering the presents?”. And when he prayed to ask you, do you remember what you said? Eh?
10
SANTA:
You said: “I ain’t going back there”
11
SANTA:
If you wanna take over -
JESUS:
Oh yeah! Kids coming downstairs to find me resurrected in their living room going "I got you an Xbox"...
12
SANTA:
You’re just feeling threatened cos I’m doing a bloody good -
JESUS:
*WATCH IT NICK*.
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreiayhglimve4fbwilzyfjedpa56xwmjq4oriqqs62atkospprs6x5y@jpeg)
November 21, 2025 at 9:58 PM
A brilliant venue under threat from development next door
We know how this story goes
We know how this story goes
November 21, 2025 at 9:10 PM
A brilliant venue under threat from development next door
We know how this story goes
We know how this story goes
Awesome show from Lambrini Girls in London last night
Totally brilliant and totally on message, topped off with a wonderful surprise of Peaches guesting at the end of the set
#photograhpy #Music #London
Totally brilliant and totally on message, topped off with a wonderful surprise of Peaches guesting at the end of the set
#photograhpy #Music #London
November 20, 2025 at 3:06 PM
Awesome show from Lambrini Girls in London last night
Totally brilliant and totally on message, topped off with a wonderful surprise of Peaches guesting at the end of the set
#photograhpy #Music #London
Totally brilliant and totally on message, topped off with a wonderful surprise of Peaches guesting at the end of the set
#photograhpy #Music #London
Reposted by Rob Telford
Criminal practitioners don’t astonish easily.
This is astonishing.
This is astonishing.
The facts are complicated, but here’s a summary of what appears to have happened based on the filings and today’s hearing:
NEWS: During a hearing in federal court in VA, prosecutors confirmed that the operative indictment in the case against James Comey was never shown to or voted on by the entire grand jury before it was presented in open court.
Defense counsel argued that’s a complete bar to further prosecution
Defense counsel argued that’s a complete bar to further prosecution
November 19, 2025 at 6:51 PM
Criminal practitioners don’t astonish easily.
This is astonishing.
This is astonishing.
Tonight’s entertainment will be The Lambrini Girls at The Forum in Kentish Town 😎
November 19, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Tonight’s entertainment will be The Lambrini Girls at The Forum in Kentish Town 😎
November 18, 2025 at 9:13 AM
November 7, 2025 at 8:20 PM
November 7, 2025 at 8:19 PM
I saw this and had to check it was real - it is!
https://www.ltmuseum.co.uk/collections/collections-online/posters/item/1983-4-601
https://www.ltmuseum.co.uk/collections/collections-online/posters/item/1983-4-601
November 6, 2025 at 7:51 PM
I saw this and had to check it was real - it is!
https://www.ltmuseum.co.uk/collections/collections-online/posters/item/1983-4-601
https://www.ltmuseum.co.uk/collections/collections-online/posters/item/1983-4-601
Reposted by Rob Telford
Perfectly normal Saturday afternoon in Bermondsey, yes
November 1, 2025 at 3:59 PM
Perfectly normal Saturday afternoon in Bermondsey, yes
Reposted by Rob Telford
Reposted by Rob Telford
We are at the @thebugle.bsky.social 18th birthday live show!
October 26, 2025 at 6:29 PM
We are at the @thebugle.bsky.social 18th birthday live show!
The Tubs headlined the Gob Nation All-Dayer at The Dome in Tufnell Park yesterday
#photography #London #music
#photography #London #music
October 26, 2025 at 12:16 PM
The Tubs headlined the Gob Nation All-Dayer at The Dome in Tufnell Park yesterday
#photography #London #music
#photography #London #music
A very special gig aboard The Golden Hinde in Southwark last night
The one and only @robynhitchcock.bsky.social, joined for a few songs by @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social (including a couple from Perspex Island, which made me particularly happy)
#photography #music #London
The one and only @robynhitchcock.bsky.social, joined for a few songs by @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social (including a couple from Perspex Island, which made me particularly happy)
#photography #music #London
October 23, 2025 at 7:44 AM
A very special gig aboard The Golden Hinde in Southwark last night
The one and only @robynhitchcock.bsky.social, joined for a few songs by @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social (including a couple from Perspex Island, which made me particularly happy)
#photography #music #London
The one and only @robynhitchcock.bsky.social, joined for a few songs by @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social (including a couple from Perspex Island, which made me particularly happy)
#photography #music #London
‘Killer tornado’ in northern Paris 😳
🌪️ Une tornade soudaine a frappé le nord de Paris lundi, renversant trois grues, arrachant des toits et faisant un mort et neuf blessés ⤵️
October 21, 2025 at 8:33 AM
‘Killer tornado’ in northern Paris 😳
Stunning performance from @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social at The Troubadour in London last night, with a support and guest appearance by her other half @robynhitchcock.bsky.social
#photography #music #London
#photography #music #London
October 21, 2025 at 7:52 AM
Stunning performance from @emmaswiftsings.bsky.social at The Troubadour in London last night, with a support and guest appearance by her other half @robynhitchcock.bsky.social
#photography #music #London
#photography #music #London
Reposted by Rob Telford
![1
Nurse:
It’s become a real problem in this area
2
Nurse:
We’ve seen the whole community lost to addiction
3
Show a building sign posted:
Westminster ‘X’ Addiction Clinic
With various Westminster people or looking at their phones outside it
Nurse:
Ministers, Spads, Researchers…
4
Nurse:
Most mornings we’ll get a call about someone acting strangely
[Nurse on phone taking a call]
Ok - we’ll be right over
5
Nurse:
We just have a gentle chat
[Nurses approach a minister –Robert Jenrick? - standing in the Palace of Westminster
Minister:
I understand your concerns…
6
Nurse:
Are you OK love?
Minister:
Yes I’m just hearing legitimate concerns from real voters
7
Nurse:
That’s a robot, a Nazi and a poorly-disguised Russian
[Show that the people he is talking to are precisely these characters]
Nurse 2:
Give us your phone, love
8
Nurse:
At the clinic we put them in a Grass-Touching Pod, with a real voter to talk to
[We see them back at the clinic, holding the minister's head and pushing him into a glass isolation booth with a grass floor. And it is a baffled looking woman, on a chair, ready to talk to him.]
9
Minister:
YOU MUST BE WORRIED ABOUT THE COMING CIVIL WAR
[woman looks baffled]
10
woman:
I just want a bus service
Minister:
LOOK AT MY FLAG
[produces a St George's flag]
[ends]](https://cdn.bsky.app/img/feed_thumbnail/plain/did:plc:4m3we4apbjayclzcnhwe3pfp/bafkreicahofq6s4xow7vowj7dx6odw6ejdwr4kwcmzta7qwi4hg2nvywji@jpeg)
At The Bedford in Balham this afternoon for some recordings of @wheezingpod.bsky.social and @smershpod.com, with everyone on top form - thanks guys!
#photography #London #podcast
#photography #London #podcast
October 19, 2025 at 8:46 PM
At The Bedford in Balham this afternoon for some recordings of @wheezingpod.bsky.social and @smershpod.com, with everyone on top form - thanks guys!
#photography #London #podcast
#photography #London #podcast
The Robbie McIntosh Band at @soundloungecio.bsky.social yesterday evening
Such a great collection of talent; it was our third time seeing them here
Such a great collection of talent; it was our third time seeing them here
October 18, 2025 at 10:17 AM
The Robbie McIntosh Band at @soundloungecio.bsky.social yesterday evening
Such a great collection of talent; it was our third time seeing them here
Such a great collection of talent; it was our third time seeing them here