Scott Clevenger
@scottclevenger.bsky.social
Author. Co-host of The Slumgullion podcast. Hypocritical screenwriter. I write mean but funny movie reviews at Better Living Through Bad Movies: https://clevenger.substack.com
HER: (LOW, HUSKY) So tell me, Roger…What IS this “talent” of yours I keep hearing about?
HIM: Huh? Oh. That. I can imitate the mating call of the Lesser prairie-chicken.
HIM: Huh? Oh. That. I can imitate the mating call of the Lesser prairie-chicken.
February 15, 2026 at 5:31 PM
HER: (LOW, HUSKY) So tell me, Roger…What IS this “talent” of yours I keep hearing about?
HIM: Huh? Oh. That. I can imitate the mating call of the Lesser prairie-chicken.
HIM: Huh? Oh. That. I can imitate the mating call of the Lesser prairie-chicken.
HIM: Happy Valentines Day, Miss Ellie! How 'bout we slip away for a little ranch romance?
HER: Can't. Busy. Fighting Cowman.
HIM: Who?
HER: The maniacal cackling supervillain who wears a headdress fashioned from steer horns and commands an army of ill-tempered Holsteins.
HIM: Oh. Right. That feller.
HER: Can't. Busy. Fighting Cowman.
HIM: Who?
HER: The maniacal cackling supervillain who wears a headdress fashioned from steer horns and commands an army of ill-tempered Holsteins.
HIM: Oh. Right. That feller.
February 14, 2026 at 5:04 PM
HIM: Happy Valentines Day, Miss Ellie! How 'bout we slip away for a little ranch romance?
HER: Can't. Busy. Fighting Cowman.
HIM: Who?
HER: The maniacal cackling supervillain who wears a headdress fashioned from steer horns and commands an army of ill-tempered Holsteins.
HIM: Oh. Right. That feller.
HER: Can't. Busy. Fighting Cowman.
HIM: Who?
HER: The maniacal cackling supervillain who wears a headdress fashioned from steer horns and commands an army of ill-tempered Holsteins.
HIM: Oh. Right. That feller.
🎶Can you feel
The retail-generated
Advertising-driven
LOOOOOVE
Tonight?🎶
The retail-generated
Advertising-driven
LOOOOOVE
Tonight?🎶
February 14, 2026 at 5:01 PM
🎶Can you feel
The retail-generated
Advertising-driven
LOOOOOVE
Tonight?🎶
The retail-generated
Advertising-driven
LOOOOOVE
Tonight?🎶
"This feels GREAT!"
"Dammit, Frank! I gave you a ride cuz you said you twisted your ankle. Don't make it weird."
"Sorry..."
"And what's that fan-shaped thing that popped outta your crotch all'a sudden? That wasn't there before..."
"Oh that's, uh--nothing. Hee-hee-hee!"
"DAMMIT, Frank!"
"Dammit, Frank! I gave you a ride cuz you said you twisted your ankle. Don't make it weird."
"Sorry..."
"And what's that fan-shaped thing that popped outta your crotch all'a sudden? That wasn't there before..."
"Oh that's, uh--nothing. Hee-hee-hee!"
"DAMMIT, Frank!"
February 13, 2026 at 6:27 PM
"This feels GREAT!"
"Dammit, Frank! I gave you a ride cuz you said you twisted your ankle. Don't make it weird."
"Sorry..."
"And what's that fan-shaped thing that popped outta your crotch all'a sudden? That wasn't there before..."
"Oh that's, uh--nothing. Hee-hee-hee!"
"DAMMIT, Frank!"
"Dammit, Frank! I gave you a ride cuz you said you twisted your ankle. Don't make it weird."
"Sorry..."
"And what's that fan-shaped thing that popped outta your crotch all'a sudden? That wasn't there before..."
"Oh that's, uh--nothing. Hee-hee-hee!"
"DAMMIT, Frank!"
Before they finally streamlined the rules in 1960, the Olympic Biathlon was a lot more complicated, requiring competitors to not only cross-country ski, but also to skeet shoot while playing full contact horseshoes and performing the Anvil Chorus in chaps.
February 12, 2026 at 5:18 PM
Before they finally streamlined the rules in 1960, the Olympic Biathlon was a lot more complicated, requiring competitors to not only cross-country ski, but also to skeet shoot while playing full contact horseshoes and performing the Anvil Chorus in chaps.
"HELLO THERE! How ARE ya? Anybody here from outta town? No? So I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
Hello? [tap! tap!] Is this sound-reflecting leather neck frill on?"
Hello? [tap! tap!] Is this sound-reflecting leather neck frill on?"
February 11, 2026 at 10:56 PM
"HELLO THERE! How ARE ya? Anybody here from outta town? No? So I said to my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our anniversary?' She said, 'I want to go somewhere I've never been before.' I said, 'Try the kitchen.'
Hello? [tap! tap!] Is this sound-reflecting leather neck frill on?"
Hello? [tap! tap!] Is this sound-reflecting leather neck frill on?"
"Kootchy-kootchy-koo!"
February 11, 2026 at 7:48 PM
"Kootchy-kootchy-koo!"
MODEL: MY LOVE IS VIOLENT
ARTIST: Oh. Uh, well just how violent--
MODEL: PRETTY DARN
ARTIST: Right. Uh, how's your "Like"?
MODEL: Gentle but thorough, like a good laxative.
ARTIST: And I think I captured that.
ARTIST: Oh. Uh, well just how violent--
MODEL: PRETTY DARN
ARTIST: Right. Uh, how's your "Like"?
MODEL: Gentle but thorough, like a good laxative.
ARTIST: And I think I captured that.
February 10, 2026 at 4:50 PM
MODEL: MY LOVE IS VIOLENT
ARTIST: Oh. Uh, well just how violent--
MODEL: PRETTY DARN
ARTIST: Right. Uh, how's your "Like"?
MODEL: Gentle but thorough, like a good laxative.
ARTIST: And I think I captured that.
ARTIST: Oh. Uh, well just how violent--
MODEL: PRETTY DARN
ARTIST: Right. Uh, how's your "Like"?
MODEL: Gentle but thorough, like a good laxative.
ARTIST: And I think I captured that.
WAITER: Sir, your drinks will be out in just a moment. Ma'm, here are your Sizzling Fajitas. Now I'm gonna warn you, this plate is very hot...
February 9, 2026 at 11:07 PM
WAITER: Sir, your drinks will be out in just a moment. Ma'm, here are your Sizzling Fajitas. Now I'm gonna warn you, this plate is very hot...
Huh? Wha--HEY! Back ATCHA, bi--Oh. That's a cigarette...
February 9, 2026 at 5:48 PM
Huh? Wha--HEY! Back ATCHA, bi--Oh. That's a cigarette...
HER: Yeah I need a Fiend's Feast, make it cry, couple cackleberries in the alley, wreck 'em, whiskey down with axle grease, and a sinker! (TO REPTILE) Something to drink?
REPTILE: Yeah, coffee. Light, with two sugars.
HER: And a hot blonde in sand!
REPTILE: Yeah, coffee. Light, with two sugars.
HER: And a hot blonde in sand!
February 8, 2026 at 5:31 PM
HER: Yeah I need a Fiend's Feast, make it cry, couple cackleberries in the alley, wreck 'em, whiskey down with axle grease, and a sinker! (TO REPTILE) Something to drink?
REPTILE: Yeah, coffee. Light, with two sugars.
HER: And a hot blonde in sand!
REPTILE: Yeah, coffee. Light, with two sugars.
HER: And a hot blonde in sand!
Go-getting gal reporter Torchy Blane busts Philadelphia's Secret Satanic Societies wide open in her scorching expose: "I Was Baptized in Cheez Whiz for Beelzebub!"
February 7, 2026 at 5:16 PM
Go-getting gal reporter Torchy Blane busts Philadelphia's Secret Satanic Societies wide open in her scorching expose: "I Was Baptized in Cheez Whiz for Beelzebub!"
MY WIFE, WALKING PAST MY COMPUTER: What IS that?
ME: I think it's Ultraman discovered during a kaiju's colonoscopy.
WIFE: He looks confused.
ME: He's not alone.
ME: I think it's Ultraman discovered during a kaiju's colonoscopy.
WIFE: He looks confused.
ME: He's not alone.
February 6, 2026 at 8:49 PM
MY WIFE, WALKING PAST MY COMPUTER: What IS that?
ME: I think it's Ultraman discovered during a kaiju's colonoscopy.
WIFE: He looks confused.
ME: He's not alone.
ME: I think it's Ultraman discovered during a kaiju's colonoscopy.
WIFE: He looks confused.
ME: He's not alone.
Imagining the shish-kebobbery that could result from even a routine rear-ending, I liked to call this model Cad the Impaler.
February 6, 2026 at 6:04 PM
Imagining the shish-kebobbery that could result from even a routine rear-ending, I liked to call this model Cad the Impaler.
GUNNER: (GASP) We were...SKY BIRDS, once...Now we're...dead ducks! (HEAVES SIGH THAT BECOMES PROLONGED DEATH RATTLE)
PILOT: Oh don't be so dramatic, Bob. It's a cockpit, not Swan Lake.
PILOT: Oh don't be so dramatic, Bob. It's a cockpit, not Swan Lake.
February 5, 2026 at 11:07 PM
GUNNER: (GASP) We were...SKY BIRDS, once...Now we're...dead ducks! (HEAVES SIGH THAT BECOMES PROLONGED DEATH RATTLE)
PILOT: Oh don't be so dramatic, Bob. It's a cockpit, not Swan Lake.
PILOT: Oh don't be so dramatic, Bob. It's a cockpit, not Swan Lake.
HER: When you speak of this...and you will...try to hot it up a little, will ya? Three humps and a grunt do not make for a great sex story.
February 5, 2026 at 6:33 PM
HER: When you speak of this...and you will...try to hot it up a little, will ya? Three humps and a grunt do not make for a great sex story.
See? When you don’t squander your money on pricey branding consultants, you can spend it sensibly, on super catchy slogans and free clip-art spokesowls.
February 4, 2026 at 5:35 PM
See? When you don’t squander your money on pricey branding consultants, you can spend it sensibly, on super catchy slogans and free clip-art spokesowls.
HIM: HA! Not on MY watch, you evil vixen! KARATE CHOP!
HER: Uh...Okay. I guess we'll find some other way to signal the start of the potato sack race?
HER: Uh...Okay. I guess we'll find some other way to signal the start of the potato sack race?
February 4, 2026 at 5:53 AM
HIM: HA! Not on MY watch, you evil vixen! KARATE CHOP!
HER: Uh...Okay. I guess we'll find some other way to signal the start of the potato sack race?
HER: Uh...Okay. I guess we'll find some other way to signal the start of the potato sack race?
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
"Hypothetically if someone was accused of having sex with goats by over 30 different people and regularly denied it..."
February 4, 2026 at 5:41 AM
"Hypothetically if someone was accused of having sex with goats by over 30 different people and regularly denied it..."
HER: Wanna hear a real naughty one about Hollandaise?
February 3, 2026 at 1:09 PM
HER: Wanna hear a real naughty one about Hollandaise?
GANDER: Underoos? At your age?
February 3, 2026 at 4:49 AM
GANDER: Underoos? At your age?
Reposted by Scott Clevenger
Yes, please.
In the not-too-distant future, RiffTrax is making four new episodes of Mystery Science Theater 3000! Support us on Kickstarter: rifftraxmakesmst3k.com #RiffTraxMakesMST3K @mst3kofficial.bsky.social
February 2, 2026 at 9:16 PM
Yes, please.
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt pauses to read the room before addressing the media on these latest silly allegations...
February 2, 2026 at 5:15 PM
White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt pauses to read the room before addressing the media on these latest silly allegations...
While Punxsutawney Phil grandstands, smarter mammals dig deeper burrows to ensure they'll inherit the earth after Trump like they did after the Chicxulub asteroid.
February 2, 2026 at 5:07 PM
While Punxsutawney Phil grandstands, smarter mammals dig deeper burrows to ensure they'll inherit the earth after Trump like they did after the Chicxulub asteroid.
MAN IN BLUE: Here's your delivery!
MAN IN RED: What?
HER: 'Allo, ducks! I'm the prostitute you ordered.
MAN IN RED: Oh! Hi! Sorry, I was expecting something from Chewy...
MAN IN RED: What?
HER: 'Allo, ducks! I'm the prostitute you ordered.
MAN IN RED: Oh! Hi! Sorry, I was expecting something from Chewy...
February 1, 2026 at 11:30 PM
MAN IN BLUE: Here's your delivery!
MAN IN RED: What?
HER: 'Allo, ducks! I'm the prostitute you ordered.
MAN IN RED: Oh! Hi! Sorry, I was expecting something from Chewy...
MAN IN RED: What?
HER: 'Allo, ducks! I'm the prostitute you ordered.
MAN IN RED: Oh! Hi! Sorry, I was expecting something from Chewy...