Shadows of Control
@shadowsofcontrol.bsky.social
Writer, researcher, and survivor championing the fight against coercive control and domestic abuse. Freedom begins with awareness. https://shadowsofcontrol.substack.com/
Leaving an abuser takes unimaginable strength. But when survivors finally speak—and their stories are met with doubt, judgment, or silence—it delivers another deep betrayal.
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
The Hidden Pain of Not Being Believed After Domestic Abuse
Understand the challenges survivors face when not being believed after abuse. Discover the importance of validation and support.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 26, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Leaving an abuser takes unimaginable strength. But when survivors finally speak—and their stories are met with doubt, judgment, or silence—it delivers another deep betrayal.
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
shadowsofcontrol.com/featur...
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship means listening, believing, and offering practical help—not trying to “save” them. Emotional support, safety planning, and connecting them to resources can make a real difference.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Supporting Someone Experiencing Abuse
Observing someone go through abuse is difficult in any context.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 25, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Supporting someone in an abusive relationship means listening, believing, and offering practical help—not trying to “save” them. Emotional support, safety planning, and connecting them to resources can make a real difference.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Abusers use the silent treatment to punish & control. They ignore you after minor conflicts, making you feel isolated & desperate for approval. This #emotionalabuse plays on your need for connection, leaving you anxious & willing to compromise your boundaries.
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Abusers use the silent treatment to punish & control. They ignore you after minor conflicts, making you feel isolated & desperate for approval. This #emotionalabuse plays on your need for connection, leaving you anxious & willing to compromise your boundaries.
Coercive control can look like:
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
November 24, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Coercive control can look like:
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
🔸 Monitoring your phone, social media, or finances.
🔸 Making decisions without your input.
🔸 Controlling where you go or who you see.
🔸 Punishing you emotionally or physically if you step out of line.
If this feels familiar, you may be experiencing coercivecontrol
Abusers mix cruelty with kindness, keeping you off-balance and hopeful. That’s not love—it’s manipulation.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 24, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abusers mix cruelty with kindness, keeping you off-balance and hopeful. That’s not love—it’s manipulation.
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
#DomesticAbuseAwareness
November 24, 2025 at 12:29 AM
Abusers make endless excuses to justify their behavior. They deflect blame, claim external causes, or deny responsibility—all to avoid accountability & keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
#DomesticAbuse
#DomesticAbuse
November 23, 2025 at 10:31 PM
Abusers make endless excuses to justify their behavior. They deflect blame, claim external causes, or deny responsibility—all to avoid accountability & keep you trapped in the cycle of abuse.
#DomesticAbuse
#DomesticAbuse
For some domestic abuse victims, religious communities become yet another place where their suffering is minimized, their voices stifled, and their abuser shielded.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Silenced in Church: When Religious Communities Dismiss Domestic Abuse
Explore how the church ignores domestic abuse, allowing survivors to feel unheard and unprotected within their communities.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 23, 2025 at 8:02 PM
For some domestic abuse victims, religious communities become yet another place where their suffering is minimized, their voices stifled, and their abuser shielded.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Abuse often escalates in patterns. These are not random outbursts. They’re warning signs.
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
November 23, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Abuse often escalates in patterns. These are not random outbursts. They’re warning signs.
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
#RedFlags #DomesticViolence
The digital age is accelerating a disturbing surge in domestic abuse among teenagers, yet the law continues to turn a blind eye to victims under 16.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
Too Young to Be a Victim? Calls Grow to Change Domestic Abuse Laws for Under-16s
Abuse in teenage relationships is rising. Understand the challenges and legal gaps faced by vulnerable young individuals.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 23, 2025 at 3:31 AM
The digital age is accelerating a disturbing surge in domestic abuse among teenagers, yet the law continues to turn a blind eye to victims under 16.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
Abusers track every “favor” they do.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
November 22, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Abusers track every “favor” they do.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
They say, “Remember when I paid for this?” or “I’ve always been there for you,” using it as proof of their “goodness.”
But real love doesn’t keep score or come with conditions. Healthy love isn’t a transaction.
Many don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until later. Abuse isn’t just physical—verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological control are just as damaging. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward freedom. #DomesticAbuse #KnowTheSigns #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Readers Share: “I Didn’t Realize I Was Being Abused”
Each week, I invite readers on social media to share their experiences of abuse or recovery to ensure their voices are heard.
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 22, 2025 at 3:10 AM
Many don’t realize they’re in an abusive relationship until later. Abuse isn’t just physical—verbal, emotional, financial, and psychological control are just as damaging. Recognizing the signs is the first step toward freedom. #DomesticAbuse #KnowTheSigns #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Leaving doesn’t always mean the abuse ends. It often just changes form.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse
November 22, 2025 at 12:30 AM
Leaving doesn’t always mean the abuse ends. It often just changes form.
#PostSeparationAbuse
#PostSeparationAbuse
Blackmail is a powerful tool for abusers. They may threaten to expose private photos, secrets, or personal info to force you back. Their goal is to instill fear & coerce compliance, keeping you trapped. #CoerciveControl
November 21, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Blackmail is a powerful tool for abusers. They may threaten to expose private photos, secrets, or personal info to force you back. Their goal is to instill fear & coerce compliance, keeping you trapped. #CoerciveControl
Blame keeps survivors silent. Support opens the door to safety.
#SupportSurvivors
#SupportSurvivors
November 21, 2025 at 1:02 PM
Blame keeps survivors silent. Support opens the door to safety.
#SupportSurvivors
#SupportSurvivors
Long after escaping domestic abuse, survivors often remain haunted by the lies they were told—and the ones they began to believe.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
The Lies That Linger: How Abuse Victims Internalize Harmful Beliefs
Learn how domestic abuse victims internalize their abuser's lies, shaping their self-perception and beliefs long after leaving an abusive relationship.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 21, 2025 at 3:30 AM
Long after escaping domestic abuse, survivors often remain haunted by the lies they were told—and the ones they began to believe.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Protect your heart by ensuring it’s only open to those who treat it with care. 🤝
November 20, 2025 at 10:29 PM
Protect your heart by ensuring it’s only open to those who treat it with care. 🤝
Diddy’s trial reveals shocking allegations of coercive control, abuse, and the misuse of power hidden behind his celebrity status.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
Power, Fame, and Coercive Control: Inside the Trial of Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs
Diddy’s trial reveals shocking allegations of coercive control, abuse, and the misuse of power hidden behind his celebrity status.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 20, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Diddy’s trial reveals shocking allegations of coercive control, abuse, and the misuse of power hidden behind his celebrity status.
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
shadowsofcontrol.com/in-the...
If it brings you joy, they’ll target it. Because joy is freedom.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
November 20, 2025 at 12:29 AM
If it brings you joy, they’ll target it. Because joy is freedom.
#CoerciveControl
#CoerciveControl
Living through domestic abuse often means living a double life - a ‘happy’ one that you show the world, and the one behind closed doors that only you truly understand.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
Hiding Abuse Behind a Smile: The Unseen Cost of Coercive Control
Explore the impact of hiding abuse and the hidden trauma experienced by those who endure domestic abuse in silence.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 19, 2025 at 8:02 PM
Living through domestic abuse often means living a double life - a ‘happy’ one that you show the world, and the one behind closed doors that only you truly understand.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
After a while they don’t need to blame you—because they condition you to do it yourself.
#EmotionalAbuse
#EmotionalAbuse
November 19, 2025 at 1:02 PM
After a while they don’t need to blame you—because they condition you to do it yourself.
#EmotionalAbuse
#EmotionalAbuse
Leaving abuse isn’t the end of the story—it's the start of a long, often unseen battle to heal. The right words of support can be a lifeline for survivor’s navigating the path to recovery.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
What to Say to Abuse Survivors After They Leave
Learn what to say to abuse survivors to provide support and understanding during their healing process after leaving an abusive relationship.
shadowsofcontrol.com
November 19, 2025 at 3:29 AM
Leaving abuse isn’t the end of the story—it's the start of a long, often unseen battle to heal. The right words of support can be a lifeline for survivor’s navigating the path to recovery.
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
shadowsofcontrol.com/articl...
“Why didn’t you leave?” blames victims of abuse. Leaving is complex—fear, isolation, finances, children, and manipulation all trap survivors. The real question: why doesn’t the abuser stop? #DomesticAbuse #SupportSurvivors #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
“Why Did You Stay?” A Misguided Question
Victims of domestic abuse frequently encounter questions like "Why didn't you just leave?" or "Why did you stay if it was that bad?" These questions imply that victims are entirely to blame for their circumstances and do not consider the immense diff
shadowsofcontrol.substack.com
November 18, 2025 at 8:02 PM
“Why didn’t you leave?” blames victims of abuse. Leaving is complex—fear, isolation, finances, children, and manipulation all trap survivors. The real question: why doesn’t the abuser stop? #DomesticAbuse #SupportSurvivors #EndAbuse
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
shadowsofcontrol.substack.c...
Abusers often publicly humiliate their partners, embarrassing them in front of others to assert dominance and control. 😡 #CoerciveControl
November 18, 2025 at 4:02 PM
Abusers often publicly humiliate their partners, embarrassing them in front of others to assert dominance and control. 😡 #CoerciveControl
Toxic people seek dominance in relationships rather than partnership. They manipulate situations to control and overpower you, disregarding mutual respect and equality. This desire for dominance disrupts healthy, cooperative dynamics, making genuine partnership impossible. #CoerciveControl
November 17, 2025 at 10:30 PM
Toxic people seek dominance in relationships rather than partnership. They manipulate situations to control and overpower you, disregarding mutual respect and equality. This desire for dominance disrupts healthy, cooperative dynamics, making genuine partnership impossible. #CoerciveControl