Herlock Shaloms
@shevitzsays.bsky.social
I talk a lot for someone who has nothing to say.
Pinned
Herlock Shaloms
@shevitzsays.bsky.social
· Apr 12
Quit stealing my jokes. These are mine. Nachos.
AI-revealing vigilantes make me chuckle. Feeling the need to make a story any less relatable by pointing out it didn’t “actually” happen is a little silly when you *likely* live by the word of the Bible.
October 28, 2025 at 1:44 PM
AI-revealing vigilantes make me chuckle. Feeling the need to make a story any less relatable by pointing out it didn’t “actually” happen is a little silly when you *likely* live by the word of the Bible.
You saved my heart from Darth Vader, Ophelia.
October 15, 2025 at 1:09 PM
You saved my heart from Darth Vader, Ophelia.
I’m hoping the reason we haven’t seen Ashton lately is because he’s busy behind the scenes filming the next Punk’d which will reveal this is all a big joke.
October 12, 2025 at 11:40 PM
I’m hoping the reason we haven’t seen Ashton lately is because he’s busy behind the scenes filming the next Punk’d which will reveal this is all a big joke.
Reposted by Herlock Shaloms
Idk, the Bermuda Triangle sounds pretty relaxing right now
October 1, 2025 at 12:11 PM
Idk, the Bermuda Triangle sounds pretty relaxing right now
Everybody, JUST TAKE A STEP BACK and look at the big picture. Now scream.
September 26, 2025 at 9:12 PM
Everybody, JUST TAKE A STEP BACK and look at the big picture. Now scream.
The criteria for feeling safe in your own country shouldn’t consist of one sole requirement: agreeing with those in power.
September 18, 2025 at 3:01 PM
The criteria for feeling safe in your own country shouldn’t consist of one sole requirement: agreeing with those in power.
This was starting to feel very “V for Vendetta”-y a long while ago. TV hosts are just one step away from having bags thrown over their heads for mocking the kingdom.
September 18, 2025 at 12:57 PM
This was starting to feel very “V for Vendetta”-y a long while ago. TV hosts are just one step away from having bags thrown over their heads for mocking the kingdom.
My child will never have to wish to be an adult so he can eat whatever he wants for breakfast. 7 am birthday cake sounds swell to me, too. Whose birthday is it? SOMEONE’S.
September 1, 2025 at 12:46 PM
My child will never have to wish to be an adult so he can eat whatever he wants for breakfast. 7 am birthday cake sounds swell to me, too. Whose birthday is it? SOMEONE’S.
My three-year-old’s favorite new toy is an airplane from CARS named “Falcon Hawk.” Except, he can’t say “Falcon” properly, so he’s just running around screaming “It’s FUCKIN’ hawk!”
June 29, 2025 at 12:55 PM
My three-year-old’s favorite new toy is an airplane from CARS named “Falcon Hawk.” Except, he can’t say “Falcon” properly, so he’s just running around screaming “It’s FUCKIN’ hawk!”
I named my two kiddos with first initials of S & M. And I love them dearly, but I did not think this thing through.
June 23, 2025 at 2:10 AM
I named my two kiddos with first initials of S & M. And I love them dearly, but I did not think this thing through.
So I just let my toddler’s bunny wake him from a nap. Totally tantrum free! Turns out it’s just daddy and me he doesn’t like waking up to.
June 22, 2025 at 9:49 PM
So I just let my toddler’s bunny wake him from a nap. Totally tantrum free! Turns out it’s just daddy and me he doesn’t like waking up to.
Reposted by Herlock Shaloms
Breaking: The Trevor Project received a stop-work order last night on its contract with the national 988 suicide prevention hotline. The Trump administration is eliminating the option for LGBTQ callers to the hotline to press 3 and connect with someone who specializes in LGBTQ mental health.
June 18, 2025 at 1:59 PM
Breaking: The Trevor Project received a stop-work order last night on its contract with the national 988 suicide prevention hotline. The Trump administration is eliminating the option for LGBTQ callers to the hotline to press 3 and connect with someone who specializes in LGBTQ mental health.
Reposted by Herlock Shaloms
Remember folks, women are too emotional to be president.
June 5, 2025 at 9:29 PM
Remember folks, women are too emotional to be president.
Since when did the job of each sitting president become “owning” the losing side 24/7?
May 8, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Since when did the job of each sitting president become “owning” the losing side 24/7?
He’s got lug nuts to spare.
May 7, 2025 at 6:18 PM
He’s got lug nuts to spare.
Twenty-something barista asked me if I was a teacher. I asked why and she said bc I look familiar. I look like a teacher she had 😳 IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
Man, I’ve got to stop skipping makeup in the mornings.
Man, I’ve got to stop skipping makeup in the mornings.
May 7, 2025 at 12:28 PM
Twenty-something barista asked me if I was a teacher. I asked why and she said bc I look familiar. I look like a teacher she had 😳 IN ELEMENTARY SCHOOL.
Man, I’ve got to stop skipping makeup in the mornings.
Man, I’ve got to stop skipping makeup in the mornings.
Reposted by Herlock Shaloms
"how bout i break my foot off in your ass?"
🥴
🥴
May 6, 2025 at 4:40 PM
"how bout i break my foot off in your ass?"
🥴
🥴
Reposted by Herlock Shaloms
Would you look at that it’s half past meds
May 6, 2025 at 3:49 PM
Would you look at that it’s half past meds
He’s so unskilled he couldn’t even find my cliche.
May 6, 2025 at 3:09 PM
He’s so unskilled he couldn’t even find my cliche.
until further notice i will be speaking in cliches. how long? as long as it takes time to heal all these wounds.
May 6, 2025 at 2:11 PM
until further notice i will be speaking in cliches. how long? as long as it takes time to heal all these wounds.
as it turns out, in addition to being a goddamn arms race, this IS a scene.
May 6, 2025 at 2:09 PM
as it turns out, in addition to being a goddamn arms race, this IS a scene.
Oh wow. Sign language for “bastard” is eeeeeerily close to “dad.” Huh.
May 6, 2025 at 1:17 PM
Oh wow. Sign language for “bastard” is eeeeeerily close to “dad.” Huh.
Just learned sign language for “bitch.” I’m sure it’s only a coincidence the gesture resembles the one for “mom.”
May 6, 2025 at 1:16 PM
Just learned sign language for “bitch.” I’m sure it’s only a coincidence the gesture resembles the one for “mom.”
Daydream. I fell asleep beneath the flowers. For a couple of hours. On a beautiful day. [And then I had to get an allergy shot, snort Flonase, and drink a bottle of Benadryl.]
May 4, 2025 at 11:24 PM
Daydream. I fell asleep beneath the flowers. For a couple of hours. On a beautiful day. [And then I had to get an allergy shot, snort Flonase, and drink a bottle of Benadryl.]