Ukobach
@uk0bach.bsky.social
I actually never had an account on that other place. So I'm sorta new to the whole microblogging thing. This place has a good vibe, though.
Pinned
Ukobach
@uk0bach.bsky.social
· Apr 14
You know the old Andy Griffith looking motherfucker in Die Hard 2?
The guy eating canned soup and watching an antique TV in a condemned building, 'til he got shot by weirdos?
First time I saw that shit, I was like "wow, what a weird life."
Joke's on me, now. That is basically my retirement plan.
The guy eating canned soup and watching an antique TV in a condemned building, 'til he got shot by weirdos?
First time I saw that shit, I was like "wow, what a weird life."
Joke's on me, now. That is basically my retirement plan.
One of those memes that isn't so much "ha-ha funny" as it is "nod-nod true."
November 24, 2025 at 8:55 AM
One of those memes that isn't so much "ha-ha funny" as it is "nod-nod true."
If it ever snows here again, I'm going to make a snowman, film it melting the next day, in a high a framerate as I can, then make a "Birth of a Snowman" by playing it back in reverse.
November 24, 2025 at 8:24 AM
If it ever snows here again, I'm going to make a snowman, film it melting the next day, in a high a framerate as I can, then make a "Birth of a Snowman" by playing it back in reverse.
If you see this, post a bad woman you love
November 24, 2025 at 6:29 AM
If you see this, post a bad woman you love
where I'm posting from
November 23, 2025 at 10:05 AM
where I'm posting from
Reposted by Ukobach
I take on average 10,000 stills and a half hour of video every week. Most I'll never think about again. This I'll hold onto until I grow old. 4 hours ago.
Zero edits. No recoloring. No cropping. Nothing. Just straight up reality. 🦑
Zero edits. No recoloring. No cropping. Nothing. Just straight up reality. 🦑
November 23, 2025 at 5:21 AM
I take on average 10,000 stills and a half hour of video every week. Most I'll never think about again. This I'll hold onto until I grow old. 4 hours ago.
Zero edits. No recoloring. No cropping. Nothing. Just straight up reality. 🦑
Zero edits. No recoloring. No cropping. Nothing. Just straight up reality. 🦑
Looooots of people misunderstanding this post. Goose didn't bite off anyone's finger. That's just the last part to be swallowed.
Geese eat you feet first.
Geese eat you feet first.
November 23, 2025 at 3:16 AM
Looooots of people misunderstanding this post. Goose didn't bite off anyone's finger. That's just the last part to be swallowed.
Geese eat you feet first.
Geese eat you feet first.
Reposted by Ukobach
It's that time of year
November 22, 2025 at 11:54 AM
It's that time of year
In case anyone doesn't know:
There's a subset of girls out there, who give names to their normal-ass, daily-driver cars.
THESE ARE THE FUN GIRLS. YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THESE GIRLS.
TRUST ME.
There's a subset of girls out there, who give names to their normal-ass, daily-driver cars.
THESE ARE THE FUN GIRLS. YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THESE GIRLS.
TRUST ME.
November 22, 2025 at 4:44 AM
In case anyone doesn't know:
There's a subset of girls out there, who give names to their normal-ass, daily-driver cars.
THESE ARE THE FUN GIRLS. YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THESE GIRLS.
TRUST ME.
There's a subset of girls out there, who give names to their normal-ass, daily-driver cars.
THESE ARE THE FUN GIRLS. YOU WANT TO HANG OUT WITH THESE GIRLS.
TRUST ME.
Reposted by Ukobach
edibles is actually short for edwardibles
November 22, 2025 at 2:49 AM
edibles is actually short for edwardibles
I present to you, the cat owner experience:
Me: "I love you."
Me: "Why are you screaming?"
Me: "I love you."
Me: "Why are you screaming?"
November 21, 2025 at 7:25 AM
I present to you, the cat owner experience:
Me: "I love you."
Me: "Why are you screaming?"
Me: "I love you."
Me: "Why are you screaming?"
Reposted by Ukobach
spotted in transit
November 20, 2025 at 8:11 PM
spotted in transit
If you don't remember the feeling of clicking the buttons on one of these with your foot, I lowkey think you're too young to be on the Internet.
Also, just look at those fuckers. People used to DESIGN shit.
Also, just look at those fuckers. People used to DESIGN shit.
November 20, 2025 at 9:22 PM
If you don't remember the feeling of clicking the buttons on one of these with your foot, I lowkey think you're too young to be on the Internet.
Also, just look at those fuckers. People used to DESIGN shit.
Also, just look at those fuckers. People used to DESIGN shit.
I don't know if I've said this before, but I'd be more likely to buy Uncrustables if they came with a bag of croutons made from the cut-off bread parts.
If you're gonna overcharge massively for pre-assembled sandwiches, I am gonna want the rest of that bread.
I'm far too cheap to buy 'em, anyways.
If you're gonna overcharge massively for pre-assembled sandwiches, I am gonna want the rest of that bread.
I'm far too cheap to buy 'em, anyways.
November 20, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I don't know if I've said this before, but I'd be more likely to buy Uncrustables if they came with a bag of croutons made from the cut-off bread parts.
If you're gonna overcharge massively for pre-assembled sandwiches, I am gonna want the rest of that bread.
I'm far too cheap to buy 'em, anyways.
If you're gonna overcharge massively for pre-assembled sandwiches, I am gonna want the rest of that bread.
I'm far too cheap to buy 'em, anyways.
Reposted by Ukobach
Poe: It’s about a man whose sudden urgent flatulence gives away his horrible crime when the police question him
Publisher:
Poe: It’s just a draft I’ll tweak it a bit
Publisher:
Poe: It’s just a draft I’ll tweak it a bit
November 19, 2025 at 1:31 PM
Poe: It’s about a man whose sudden urgent flatulence gives away his horrible crime when the police question him
Publisher:
Poe: It’s just a draft I’ll tweak it a bit
Publisher:
Poe: It’s just a draft I’ll tweak it a bit
Haven't ridden a bike in 25 years: You'll be a little wobbly for the first THREE FEET, then you'll be ready to ride ten miles.
Haven't chewed gum in six months: LOL SUCKER, YOU'RE GONNA BITE YOUR TONGUE SO FUCKING HARD, ABOUT NINE TIMES. YOU MIGHT BLEED.
Haven't chewed gum in six months: LOL SUCKER, YOU'RE GONNA BITE YOUR TONGUE SO FUCKING HARD, ABOUT NINE TIMES. YOU MIGHT BLEED.
November 19, 2025 at 11:41 AM
Haven't ridden a bike in 25 years: You'll be a little wobbly for the first THREE FEET, then you'll be ready to ride ten miles.
Haven't chewed gum in six months: LOL SUCKER, YOU'RE GONNA BITE YOUR TONGUE SO FUCKING HARD, ABOUT NINE TIMES. YOU MIGHT BLEED.
Haven't chewed gum in six months: LOL SUCKER, YOU'RE GONNA BITE YOUR TONGUE SO FUCKING HARD, ABOUT NINE TIMES. YOU MIGHT BLEED.
There are two kinds of apps, which you can distinguish by how they handle it when you do something like selecting "Export multiple _____" when there's only one of that thing in the project.
Type A: "WHOA, OMG, HOLD UP. STOP EVERYTHING. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!!!!!"
Type B: "Whatev. 1 is a number."
Type A: "WHOA, OMG, HOLD UP. STOP EVERYTHING. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!!!!!"
Type B: "Whatev. 1 is a number."
November 19, 2025 at 9:27 AM
There are two kinds of apps, which you can distinguish by how they handle it when you do something like selecting "Export multiple _____" when there's only one of that thing in the project.
Type A: "WHOA, OMG, HOLD UP. STOP EVERYTHING. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!!!!!"
Type B: "Whatev. 1 is a number."
Type A: "WHOA, OMG, HOLD UP. STOP EVERYTHING. SOMETHING IS VERY WRONG!!!!!"
Type B: "Whatev. 1 is a number."
What's the deal with sci-fi writers coming up with very odd takes on Italian food?
Thinking particularly of Ray Bradbury and his "liquid pizza" soup monstrosity.
Thinking particularly of Ray Bradbury and his "liquid pizza" soup monstrosity.
Chose violence today and made a cursed @scalzi.com burrito for lunch (leftover spaghetti, black beans, pickled red onions, mozzarella). It was glorious.
November 19, 2025 at 9:11 AM
What's the deal with sci-fi writers coming up with very odd takes on Italian food?
Thinking particularly of Ray Bradbury and his "liquid pizza" soup monstrosity.
Thinking particularly of Ray Bradbury and his "liquid pizza" soup monstrosity.
When those porn cam ads say "Never jerk off alone again," something in the back of my mind actually kinda interprets that as a threat.
Sometimes I do actually want to jerk off alone. USUALLY, in fact.
The ad should read "hey, you can occasionally pay semi-reasonable rates for webcam sex."
Sometimes I do actually want to jerk off alone. USUALLY, in fact.
The ad should read "hey, you can occasionally pay semi-reasonable rates for webcam sex."
November 19, 2025 at 7:50 AM
When those porn cam ads say "Never jerk off alone again," something in the back of my mind actually kinda interprets that as a threat.
Sometimes I do actually want to jerk off alone. USUALLY, in fact.
The ad should read "hey, you can occasionally pay semi-reasonable rates for webcam sex."
Sometimes I do actually want to jerk off alone. USUALLY, in fact.
The ad should read "hey, you can occasionally pay semi-reasonable rates for webcam sex."
Me: "I'm starting to suspect that you're actually an AI in android form, and the three dates we've been on are just some kind of beta-testing thing."
Her: "That's a very sharp, and frankly quite reasonable, take on the situation. Let's unpack this carefully."
Her: "That's a very sharp, and frankly quite reasonable, take on the situation. Let's unpack this carefully."
November 18, 2025 at 5:00 AM
Me: "I'm starting to suspect that you're actually an AI in android form, and the three dates we've been on are just some kind of beta-testing thing."
Her: "That's a very sharp, and frankly quite reasonable, take on the situation. Let's unpack this carefully."
Her: "That's a very sharp, and frankly quite reasonable, take on the situation. Let's unpack this carefully."
Reposted by Ukobach
#GnomonTV
"Sex Toy Story: Buzz Lightflesh"
Computer-animated sex farce film.
gnomonchronicles.com/wiki/Sex_Toy...
"Sex Toy Story: Buzz Lightflesh"
Computer-animated sex farce film.
gnomonchronicles.com/wiki/Sex_Toy...
November 18, 2025 at 2:12 AM
#GnomonTV
"Sex Toy Story: Buzz Lightflesh"
Computer-animated sex farce film.
gnomonchronicles.com/wiki/Sex_Toy...
"Sex Toy Story: Buzz Lightflesh"
Computer-animated sex farce film.
gnomonchronicles.com/wiki/Sex_Toy...
Reposted by Ukobach
#3157 A helpful tutorial
November 17, 2025 at 11:40 PM
#3157 A helpful tutorial
I understand callow youths who dive into the bandwagon, complaining about Christmas Creep.
But if you're in your 40s and you insist on no Xmas shit before Dec 1 or after Jan 1, I don't understand you, and you scare me.
You know goddamn well, 30 days whoosh by like NOTHING.
(1 of 2)
But if you're in your 40s and you insist on no Xmas shit before Dec 1 or after Jan 1, I don't understand you, and you scare me.
You know goddamn well, 30 days whoosh by like NOTHING.
(1 of 2)
November 17, 2025 at 7:11 AM
I understand callow youths who dive into the bandwagon, complaining about Christmas Creep.
But if you're in your 40s and you insist on no Xmas shit before Dec 1 or after Jan 1, I don't understand you, and you scare me.
You know goddamn well, 30 days whoosh by like NOTHING.
(1 of 2)
But if you're in your 40s and you insist on no Xmas shit before Dec 1 or after Jan 1, I don't understand you, and you scare me.
You know goddamn well, 30 days whoosh by like NOTHING.
(1 of 2)
If I ever fall off a really tall cliff, I'm going to make sure to pitch my scream up slightly as I fall, so it sounds like constant note to anyone watching me fall.
I might not be able to beat Newton in the situation, but I don't have to just give in to Doppler's bitch ass.
I might not be able to beat Newton in the situation, but I don't have to just give in to Doppler's bitch ass.
November 17, 2025 at 6:26 AM
If I ever fall off a really tall cliff, I'm going to make sure to pitch my scream up slightly as I fall, so it sounds like constant note to anyone watching me fall.
I might not be able to beat Newton in the situation, but I don't have to just give in to Doppler's bitch ass.
I might not be able to beat Newton in the situation, but I don't have to just give in to Doppler's bitch ass.
Reposted by Ukobach
the neurodivergent urge to wonder if you are performing Friendliness correctly. if your Friendliness has been appropriately calibrated to the situation at hand.😮💨
November 15, 2025 at 10:02 PM
the neurodivergent urge to wonder if you are performing Friendliness correctly. if your Friendliness has been appropriately calibrated to the situation at hand.😮💨
Leave it to the sun itself to lose No Nut November.
November 16, 2025 at 9:58 PM
Leave it to the sun itself to lose No Nut November.