Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Zach the Soulstealer

@zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social

4.9K followers 4.7K following 4K posts

Just a blue guy in a blue town in a blue state. I love family, my doggy, movies, the theater, a good mocha, narrating audiobooks and my town. No patience for any MAGA fuckery.m. You voted against people I care about. He/him. No DMs until I get to know you.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · Dec 13

My favorite #movie: Vertigo #Hitchcock
My favorite book: A Tale of Two Cities #Dickens
My favorite t.v show: the original #TwilightZone
My favorite actor: #CharlieChaplin
My favorite flavor of ice cream: fresh raspberry.

These are a few of #myfavoritethings

2 1 35

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 11h

The #Ghostbusters using a symbol of liberty built by smelly, cheese eating immigrants to welcome the tired, poor, huddled masses yearning to be free. THE FUCK IS THIS WOKE ASS SHIT?!?!?

Plus one of them is black. Obviously a DEI hire! #movies #filmsky #watchingtonight #humor

a crowd of people are standing behind a barrier that says police line

ALT: a crowd of people are standing behind a barrier that says police line

media.tenor.com

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 12h

As a kid, I always looked forward to the Scolari Brothers in #Ghostbusters 2. Ever since then I thought every courtroom drama needed a ghost scene (exception: To Kill A Mockingbird which is a fucking perfect movie and therefore needs no improvement.) #movies #filmsky #watchingtonight

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 12h

It hurts his widdle feefees! 😂🤣😂🤣

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 13h

Remember when the #BLM protests were going on and little Lord Cheetodick said that #Portland was on fire and the fire chief said “uh, no it isn’t you fucking idiot” (my paraphrasing.)

Anyone else thinking this is just his pettiness at play for being corrected? The frog suits are a nice touch.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 13h

I know, I know. But then I read about a cis spider. Now I’m back to being a spider MAN!

a picture of a man in a spiderman suit with the caption " my name is david "

ALT: a picture of a man in a spiderman suit with the caption " my name is david "

media.tenor.com

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 13h

Well, I read about it. Now I’m a transgender spider. DAMMIT!!!!

Jennifer Ouellette @jenlucpiquant.bsky.social · 1d

New Frankenstein Spider Found in Thailand Is Half Male and Half Female www.discovermagazine.com/new-frankens...

New Frankenstein Spider Found in Thailand Is Half Male and Half Female

A newly discovered species, Damarchus inazuma, displays a rare split-sex trait known as gynandromorphism and takes its name from a shape-shifting anime character.

www.discovermagazine.com

1 4

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 13h

I named my last rectal polyp after Chucklefuck. It smelled better and passed away quickly.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 13h

Don’t give him ideas.

He’s not used to them.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 14h

A year round/top ten favorite and a spooky season must. Yes, I liked Ghostbusters 2, Afterlife and I may rewatch Frozen Empire. ATC could have been great as I think all involved were/are talented but just came off as clumsy with zero effort or love. #movies #filmsky #watchingtonight

a group of men in ghostbusters uniforms walking

ALT: a group of men in ghostbusters uniforms walking

media.tenor.com

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 15h

You should see the crowd she ran with.

1 1 2

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 15h

Yet I cannot help but wonder when Terry Gilliam and Hunter Thompson took over Portland.

“I was right in the middle of a fucking froggy zoo, and somebody was giving booze to these goddamn things. Won't be long now before they tear us to shreds.”

a close up of a person wearing sunglasses and a hat with the words johnnydepp_gifs below

ALT: a close up of a person wearing sunglasses and a hat with the words johnnydepp_gifs below

media.tenor.com

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 15h

His base are just stroking their trouser toothpick rage boners to Maria Corina Machado.

1 1

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 15h

Nope. I wouldn’t trade places with a condiment bottle in the White House when the winner for #NobelPeacePrize was announced You KNOW Trumpy Dumpy pants’ meltdown was fucking epiiiiiiic. And his base of Billy Joes, Bufords and Bubba Jim Bobs are stroking their rage boners at Maria Corina Machado.

a girl in a red sweater says " i want it now "

ALT: a girl in a red sweater says " i want it now "

media.tenor.com

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 15h

I wouldn’t trade places with a condiment bottle in the White House for anything in the world when the announcement was made. You KNOW widdle baby Trumpy Dumpy pants’ meltdown was epiiiiiiiiic.

Dont Care How I Want It Now Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory GIF

ALT: Dont Care How I Want It Now Willy Wonka And The Chocolate Factory GIF

media.tenor.com

1 1

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 19h

He saved the world from the terrors of nine year old Mexican kids.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 20h

Trump said it would be “a great insult to the country” if he didn’t win the #NobelPeacePrize.

He didn’t. I feel oddly not insulted. For what it’s been worth from little old me, congratulations to Maria Corina Machado. You DIDN’T wage war on your own fucking cities #fuckTrump

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

I’m fairly certain it wasn’t my foreskin that made me autistic, Junior.

What an assbag.

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

Yes, I am an #agnosticatheist.

Yes, I disagree with many tenants of all religions.

Yes, I am friends…good friends…with many theists and churchgoers. They don’t pray for me. I don’t think for them. We agree on many things…including that shooting priests in the head is a BAD THING #fuckICE

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

Any Del Toro film is likely to be a good time 😁

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 21h

So do I.

a group of men in tuxedos are carrying a coffin and dancing .

ALT: a group of men in tuxedos are carrying a coffin and dancing .

media.tenor.com

1 2

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 22h

I was born in 1981… I'm choosing one movie per day from each year to today.

2006. Pans Labyrinth. Not knowing the rating, I thought this was going to be a family fantasy with a little darkness. “What ya doing with that broken bottle there, my guy?”

I was wrong.

#movies #filmsky #moviechallenge

a monster with a beard and horns is standing next to a wall .

ALT: a monster with a beard and horns is standing next to a wall .

media.tenor.com

3 3

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

Teen me likely wore this VHS tape out 🤣😂

1 1

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

We have Ed Nortons character from American History X in the government.

a man with a beard is smiling in a black and white photo with the website memeguy.com at the bottom

ALT: a man with a beard is smiling in a black and white photo with the website memeguy.com at the bottom

media.tenor.com

1 1

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

You have a talon for puns 😁

Zach the Soulstealer @zachthenarratorguy.bsky.social · 1d

The moment when you realize that the sci-fi channel is only smoke sessions away from writing the script for Birdsharkrantulalavanado.

And I likely will never get any credit. #movies #filmsky #humor

1 4