AARON SIMON
@aaronsimon.bsky.social
I can’t help it. Videos of little kids getting emotional that they got a puppy for Christmas will always make my bitch ass cry.
December 24, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I can’t help it. Videos of little kids getting emotional that they got a puppy for Christmas will always make my bitch ass cry.
Had a dream I asked my ex’s parents for his hand in marriage. At one of my middle school friend’s house. After I mowed their lawn. Several glitches in the system.
December 24, 2025 at 1:09 PM
Had a dream I asked my ex’s parents for his hand in marriage. At one of my middle school friend’s house. After I mowed their lawn. Several glitches in the system.
Flipped off and yelled profanities at the TV when Cankles McTacotits showed up and ruined the otherwise perfect Christmas film, ‘Home Alone 2.’
December 24, 2025 at 12:26 AM
Flipped off and yelled profanities at the TV when Cankles McTacotits showed up and ruined the otherwise perfect Christmas film, ‘Home Alone 2.’
I made a goal to read a book a month this year (and to stop reading books about straight people—with the exception of Kamala Harris). I came up three short, but the nine I did finish helped inform and inspire my own writing, so I’ll take it! Here’s to trying for twelve again in 2026! 📚🥂
December 23, 2025 at 3:31 AM
I made a goal to read a book a month this year (and to stop reading books about straight people—with the exception of Kamala Harris). I came up three short, but the nine I did finish helped inform and inspire my own writing, so I’ll take it! Here’s to trying for twelve again in 2026! 📚🥂
‘Heated Rivalry’ is supposed to be making me cry from other places, not my face! 😭
December 20, 2025 at 3:04 AM
‘Heated Rivalry’ is supposed to be making me cry from other places, not my face! 😭
I would be such a good professional athlete’s girlfriend.
December 20, 2025 at 12:21 AM
I would be such a good professional athlete’s girlfriend.
Yes, your tax dollars are paying for us to watch movies this week. We’re tired, yo.
December 18, 2025 at 8:21 PM
Yes, your tax dollars are paying for us to watch movies this week. We’re tired, yo.
Reposted by AARON SIMON
Weird how he also tried to kill as many Black and gay people as he could get away with
The presidency once served as a reminder of our common humanity. Ronald Reagan described its purpose as building "a nation composed of good and decent people."
December 17, 2025 at 1:57 AM
Weird how he also tried to kill as many Black and gay people as he could get away with
Why do we celebrate the birth of Christ on the 25th, when we should celebrate on the 16th?
December 16, 2025 at 3:02 PM
Why do we celebrate the birth of Christ on the 25th, when we should celebrate on the 16th?
Feel weird buying my hot brother-in-law gray sweatpants for Christmas, but they’re on his list…
December 14, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Feel weird buying my hot brother-in-law gray sweatpants for Christmas, but they’re on his list…
My phone updated in the middle of the night to this iOS 26 BS or whatever, and…why do design updates keep getting more and more juvenile? Like, I feel like I am playing on a child’s toy phone made by Mattel or Fisher Price. I am an adult. The glass bubbles do not woo me.
December 12, 2025 at 2:18 PM
My phone updated in the middle of the night to this iOS 26 BS or whatever, and…why do design updates keep getting more and more juvenile? Like, I feel like I am playing on a child’s toy phone made by Mattel or Fisher Price. I am an adult. The glass bubbles do not woo me.
Listening to videos in public places without headphones really ought to be a jailable offense.
December 9, 2025 at 6:13 PM
Listening to videos in public places without headphones really ought to be a jailable offense.
Some songs really transport you back to high school. And for me, that song is “Temperature” by Sean Paul.
December 9, 2025 at 6:12 PM
Some songs really transport you back to high school. And for me, that song is “Temperature” by Sean Paul.
And every word is capitalized.
I have a student who is a formatting freak, but he’s not MY kind of formatting freak. He also right clicks to copy and paste everything instead of Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V.
a close up of a woman wearing headphones with the letter o on the side
ALT: a close up of a woman wearing headphones with the letter o on the side
media.tenor.com
December 9, 2025 at 5:24 PM
And every word is capitalized.
Scott + Kip > Shane + Ilya. #HeatedRivalry
December 7, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Scott + Kip > Shane + Ilya. #HeatedRivalry
That time of the year when I’m hungry, but I don’t want to leave my house. But I also don’t want to pay triple just to have something DoorDashed, so I’ll probably just have sleep for dinner.
December 5, 2025 at 11:52 PM
That time of the year when I’m hungry, but I don’t want to leave my house. But I also don’t want to pay triple just to have something DoorDashed, so I’ll probably just have sleep for dinner.
I have a student who is a formatting freak, but he’s not MY kind of formatting freak. He also right clicks to copy and paste everything instead of Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V.
a close up of a woman wearing headphones with the letter o on the side
ALT: a close up of a woman wearing headphones with the letter o on the side
media.tenor.com
December 4, 2025 at 4:51 PM
I have a student who is a formatting freak, but he’s not MY kind of formatting freak. He also right clicks to copy and paste everything instead of Ctrl + C, Ctrl + V.
The new Old Spice guy really has my ad experiences in a chokehold. 😮💨
December 3, 2025 at 5:11 AM
The new Old Spice guy really has my ad experiences in a chokehold. 😮💨
Quoting ‘Broad City’ back and forth over voice memos is my new love language.
December 3, 2025 at 3:43 AM
Quoting ‘Broad City’ back and forth over voice memos is my new love language.
Thought my ex was a table over from me. Nope. Just another bald, bearded otter.
December 3, 2025 at 12:54 AM
Thought my ex was a table over from me. Nope. Just another bald, bearded otter.
They got Paris and Nicole on onion ring duty at Culver’s. (I feel like only my sister will understand this reference.)
December 3, 2025 at 12:30 AM
They got Paris and Nicole on onion ring duty at Culver’s. (I feel like only my sister will understand this reference.)
Sometimes, the world tells us to pause—whether it’s inclement weather or a global health pandemic. Yet, employers have the audacity to demand employees risk their safety without paying them a living wage. Companies truly do not care whether you live or die, and it is harrowing how we got here.
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
December 2, 2025 at 3:07 AM
Sometimes, the world tells us to pause—whether it’s inclement weather or a global health pandemic. Yet, employers have the audacity to demand employees risk their safety without paying them a living wage. Companies truly do not care whether you live or die, and it is harrowing how we got here.
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
December 2, 2025 at 2:29 AM
Is the corporate, grind-‘til-you’re-dead capitalist bullshit an American problem or a global problem, because I would very much like for me and my loved ones to get off this ride. 🙃
I wish people stilled talked like they do in ‘Bridgerton.’ “Make haste” is such a great phrase. Can we bring that back?
November 29, 2025 at 4:36 PM
I wish people stilled talked like they do in ‘Bridgerton.’ “Make haste” is such a great phrase. Can we bring that back?
Oh, and there’s still a shit ton of pie. Pie will probably win. #LastLeftoverStanding
Eliminated last night:
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
• turkey
• cheesy corn
• green bean casserole
Eliminated at lunch:
• rolls
Eliminated tonight:
• deviled eggs
• mashed potatoes
• stuffing
Still in the running:
• sweet potatoes
• pineapple salad
Who will become the #LastLeftoverStanding?
November 29, 2025 at 4:33 PM
Oh, and there’s still a shit ton of pie. Pie will probably win. #LastLeftoverStanding