Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 7h

there's got to be some way to start one of these headlines to not make me think Oh God He's Dead until I'm well passed the comma after his age. like a Don't Worry! or a leading happy face. give me something.

Boy Meets World's William Daniels, 98, to join costar Danielle Fishel on DWTS

F-F-F-Feeny!

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 10h

gotta kind of sting to do these blood and thunder pressers for an audience of one, who is visibly farting himself to sleep two feet away

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 11h

I cannot explain precisely how but the entire Mariners lineup looks like guys at preschool morning dropoff. whole team knows where water bottles are supposed to go.

Razzball @razzball.bsky.social · 11h

Sandwich cheese

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 14h

these AI relationships are incredibly common and popular stories all feel like we're getting the drug-laced Halloween candy stories a couple weeks early

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 15h

1991: one in five elementary school students have slit their wrists with slap bracelets, or are aware of a kid in the next town who totally has

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 15h

lmao "or knows someone who has" is the heaviest-lifting clause in headline history

NPR @npr.org · 15h

A national survey of students, teachers and parents shines a light on how the AI revolution is playing out in schools – including when it comes to bullying and a community's trust in schools. n.pr/46OAc16

1 in 5 high schoolers has had a romantic AI relationship, or knows someone who has

A national survey of students, teachers and parents shines a light on how the AI revolution is playing out in schools – including when it comes to bullying and a community's trust in schools.

n.pr

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 16h

semi funny that the large human shaped worm of a speaker of the house is at a point where even he has to go "I am generating plausible deniability about my own involvement in these matters because I could obviously be thrown under a bus at any moment"

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 16h

there was never a point where anyone was like "young men love Chris Berman's nicknames based on dimly remembered protest songs and 1950s cartoons, is he the voice the party needs in Bush's America??"

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 16h

almost every sports talking head who isn't an affable doofus former player is some flavor of information economy screaming influencer ghoul now and it's very wearying. prime Sportscenter has it right: standup types who could also be a semi funny midmarket weather guy is what you need.

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 16h

Ned Flanders losing his shit about answers to questions no one asked

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 16h

I googled Patrick Warburton's Seinfeld character's name to check the spelling, it autocompleted to "David Puddy video game character" for absolutely no reason and then gave me this summary

There is no official video game character named David Puddy; however, fans have humorously created fan-made content and memes that place the character from Seinfeld into video games, such as Dead by

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 17h

[Carrie Underwood voice] I waited all day for these 25 classic Prime Day deals

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 17h

semi funny that most of these have to be framed as "deals that are actually worth it" because even the unpaid advertisement end of Amazon here knows that everybody worked out that Prime Day was like two percent of on generic USB cables several years ago

Karl Bode @karlbode.com · 17h

twice a year the entire U.S. press becomes a marketing extension of a single billionaire-owned retailer, and nobody in any position of editorial power thinks it's weird or gross

photo of Google News search results for Amazon Prime Day (the second this year)

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 18h

a single cricket has gotten into my basement and is truly feeling himself at this time (chirping more than any creature has ever chirped in history)

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 20h

that said I'm originally from suburban Connecticut so I went from a public school system that was 98% white to a Catholic school that was like 97% white, so

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 20h

this is basically true but I was mostly sent to a #1 because my dad thought he could use it to advocate for not having to pay taxes that went towards the public school, since his kids weren't currently going there, so it was more a Catholic school for general crankery in that individual case

Matt @tiredgenerally.bsky.social · 1d

four types of private schools in america:

1) catholic schools for racists
2) nondenom schools that dont teach you science
3) hippie schools that dont teach you to read, inexplicably 87% matriculation @ top 20 colleges
4) hogwarts, costs 55k/yr, explicably 99% matriculation @ top 20 colleges

Stone Cold Jane Austen @grayathena.bsky.social · 1d

Having gone to a really shitty private school is so funny. People hear “private school” and rightly think my parents were well off but instead of playing lacrosse or whatever I was learning young earth creationism from a Russian antisemite in portables outside a church

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

the chairman might be like an all time greatest TV character for me. completely unnecessary levels of swag.

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

original series Iron Chef episodes are on YouTube and my kids are weirdly into it. we're watching some mid nineties hipster make potato dishes in front of his mother, who had previously defeated Iron Chef Chinese in an earlier episode. what a show.

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

two year old just looked her mom dead in the eye and said "you goblin! imp!" which is very obviously my fault for telling her spitting all her milk out earlier was "goblin behavior" and then riffing for apparently too long

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

custom New York Jets jersey number 34, player name Respects

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

Christopher Bouzy, deep in a thread where people are talking about migrating to Mastodon or the comments section on a particular recipe on Food Network dot com, posting on an obvious burner account somehow doing a fake voice in text form: I say we all go to Spoutible

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

honestly do not think I'm looking back at it with rose colored glasses here, the actual books they sell at the school book fair genuinely seem to be shittier than what was offered next to Lisa Frank folders and posters of Lambos in like 1992. they need some Magic School Bus or something.

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

and I heard a voice in the midst of the four beasts
and I looked, and behold a pale horse
and his name that sat on him was George, and hell followed with him

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

the whirlwind in the thorn tree is just the monkey he kidnapped going insane while he's at work

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Scare Budd Dwyer @airbudddwyer.bsky.social · 1d

The Man Comes Around but it's about the Man With The Yellow Hat

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