Tweed
@aitweed13.bsky.social
Comedian, Gadabout, and Hater of Mini Golf. Grand Rapids, Michigan.
Musubi is a sandwich. That means onigiri is an uncrustable.
May 3, 2025 at 3:04 AM
Musubi is a sandwich. That means onigiri is an uncrustable.
My algorithms are convinced I want to reproduce because I searched for baby beds... for my cat.
April 11, 2025 at 2:47 AM
My algorithms are convinced I want to reproduce because I searched for baby beds... for my cat.
I donated clothes and they only sat in my car for 24 hours. This is peak human performance.
March 22, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I donated clothes and they only sat in my car for 24 hours. This is peak human performance.
My body is a machine that turns potatoes into loaded baked potatoes
February 16, 2025 at 2:17 PM
My body is a machine that turns potatoes into loaded baked potatoes
My body is a machine that turns onions into carmelized onions
February 2, 2025 at 10:55 PM
My body is a machine that turns onions into carmelized onions
If Donald Trump is a real Man of the People, he would pardon Luigi Mangione.
December 11, 2024 at 2:33 PM
If Donald Trump is a real Man of the People, he would pardon Luigi Mangione.
MACA: Make America Cry Again
My New Year's Resolution is to make men cry.
December 7, 2024 at 5:13 AM
MACA: Make America Cry Again
My New Year's Resolution is to make men cry.
December 7, 2024 at 2:55 AM
My New Year's Resolution is to make men cry.
Reposted by Tweed
Weapon Added To Each Thanksgiving Place Setting In Preparation For Blowout Family Argument
November 28, 2024 at 8:03 PM
Weapon Added To Each Thanksgiving Place Setting In Preparation For Blowout Family Argument
I think a scholastic book fair would heal me.
November 27, 2024 at 12:55 PM
I think a scholastic book fair would heal me.
I bet it'd be really easy for a kid to get away with white collar crimes.
I bet it'd be really easy to get a kid to commit white collar crimes.
November 26, 2024 at 11:38 PM
I bet it'd be really easy for a kid to get away with white collar crimes.
I bet it'd be really easy to get a kid to commit white collar crimes.
November 26, 2024 at 11:36 PM
I bet it'd be really easy to get a kid to commit white collar crimes.
Reposted by Tweed
Love doing standup…so fun…can never sleep afterward.
November 22, 2024 at 7:27 AM
Love doing standup…so fun…can never sleep afterward.
The only thing I hate more than the patriarchy is mini golf.
November 16, 2024 at 2:24 AM
The only thing I hate more than the patriarchy is mini golf.
Reposted by Tweed
Women, would this work on you?
November 15, 2024 at 5:54 PM
Women, would this work on you?
Having an orange cat is a lot like owning a coked up roomba covered in razor blades
November 14, 2024 at 8:16 PM
Having an orange cat is a lot like owning a coked up roomba covered in razor blades
I asked ChatGPT to describe my humor—it said “slightly terrifying”. Makes sense, the tech bros who made AI are terrified of women.
November 14, 2024 at 7:15 PM
I asked ChatGPT to describe my humor—it said “slightly terrifying”. Makes sense, the tech bros who made AI are terrified of women.
That undercut I almost got in 2020 has been calling my name.
November 14, 2024 at 7:12 PM
That undercut I almost got in 2020 has been calling my name.
The horrors persist but so do I.
November 14, 2024 at 6:52 PM
The horrors persist but so do I.