Should've never watched Interview With A Vampire, now I'm in trouble because I wouldn't mind control a room of people with my vampire powers for her. This is the slippery slope from "would you love me if I was a worm"

Me: yeah I go grocery shopping all the time

The groceries:

all my homies hate snails

this is me when i need a lil snack

THREADS LAUNCH DAY EXPERIENCE

@JimmyFallon: "Hey, cool new app, can't wait to talk about NFTs on here! #NewThreaders"

@WonderBread: "get this bread? more like get this threads"

@Haliburton: "You guys wanna see some our top ten favorite missile strikes? #ThrowbackThursday"

What went wrong?

I took pictures of creepy cicada husks near my apartment, so now you get to see them.

Apparently there's a race in D&D called the Modron and they're like immortal robots who are the ultimate harbingers of law and order. Anyway, they look like this and I would play as literally any of them in a heartbeat.

Wild how I used to check Tw*tter constantly, and now it's like a pile of old bookmarks in my browser that I fumble through looking for something I clicked "like" on casually five years ago.

Summer is cool because your Jack Russell Terrier can hunt cicadas and you can listen to them scream in his mouth as he gobbles them up and it isn't horrifying at all

Biggest takeaway from the Barbie movie was that you can make gags based around Photoshop terminology and they can land perfectly

Hello world! This is my first post on Bluesky! Today I looked for therapists in my area! ✨️