Allison Gutierrez
@allisongutierrez.bsky.social
Indy. Elder emo, exhausted millennial, etc.
Every 2-3 months I have a singular focus of “oh my god I need to change my bag and wallet” and I can’t do anything else until I realize what I’m going to switch to. Mind you. I am not a purse girl. I have 3. And like 5 totes. I would hate to have this urge AND have like 20 bags.
November 24, 2025 at 2:27 AM
Every 2-3 months I have a singular focus of “oh my god I need to change my bag and wallet” and I can’t do anything else until I realize what I’m going to switch to. Mind you. I am not a purse girl. I have 3. And like 5 totes. I would hate to have this urge AND have like 20 bags.
When it’s slow at work at and your cat is hydrating. So you just watch her drink water
November 19, 2025 at 8:33 PM
When it’s slow at work at and your cat is hydrating. So you just watch her drink water
I’m way too excited about this gray ass day off. I’m gonna be productive for like 2/3 hours then I am going to read. I probably won’t finish my book but I’ll make a lot of progress
November 18, 2025 at 2:55 PM
I’m way too excited about this gray ass day off. I’m gonna be productive for like 2/3 hours then I am going to read. I probably won’t finish my book but I’ll make a lot of progress
It’s easy to play spot the transplant in the Midwest because it’s 40° out which is where you put on a hoodie/crew neck and some warmer socks but you don’t really need a winter coat. I just went to the coffee spot by us and people have full winter coats and hats with toboggans on them.
November 9, 2025 at 4:27 PM
It’s easy to play spot the transplant in the Midwest because it’s 40° out which is where you put on a hoodie/crew neck and some warmer socks but you don’t really need a winter coat. I just went to the coffee spot by us and people have full winter coats and hats with toboggans on them.
“Should I tell this guy on the Costco Reddit thread complaining that it’s hard to open up this snack that you just opened the same snack up like so easily?”
“Yeah absolutely.”
“Alright I’ll say “‘hey man, not a problem for my girl, she JUST opened this up’”
Friday night turn up
“Yeah absolutely.”
“Alright I’ll say “‘hey man, not a problem for my girl, she JUST opened this up’”
Friday night turn up
November 8, 2025 at 3:43 AM
“Should I tell this guy on the Costco Reddit thread complaining that it’s hard to open up this snack that you just opened the same snack up like so easily?”
“Yeah absolutely.”
“Alright I’ll say “‘hey man, not a problem for my girl, she JUST opened this up’”
Friday night turn up
“Yeah absolutely.”
“Alright I’ll say “‘hey man, not a problem for my girl, she JUST opened this up’”
Friday night turn up
God I wish my ENT could be my everything doctor. My primary. My OB. My derm. I love her.
November 6, 2025 at 6:46 PM
God I wish my ENT could be my everything doctor. My primary. My OB. My derm. I love her.
There’s literally me and one older lady in the waiting area. She got a text and went “UGH get OFF my phone” 😂
November 6, 2025 at 6:30 PM
There’s literally me and one older lady in the waiting area. She got a text and went “UGH get OFF my phone” 😂
Reposted by Allison Gutierrez
seldom has one man's face more effectively conveyed the exact phrase "I gotta get the fuck outta here"
November 6, 2025 at 6:27 PM
seldom has one man's face more effectively conveyed the exact phrase "I gotta get the fuck outta here"
I’m at my ENT and there’s a neuroscience symposium happening and I was so annoyed by the amount of traffic getting to the hospital and then I was like “…oh. Yeah. They should be here.”
November 6, 2025 at 6:26 PM
I’m at my ENT and there’s a neuroscience symposium happening and I was so annoyed by the amount of traffic getting to the hospital and then I was like “…oh. Yeah. They should be here.”
FOMO with my friends still left in the city because De Blasio was the mayor when I lived there.
I am genuinely so happy for them and so jealous 😭
I am genuinely so happy for them and so jealous 😭
November 5, 2025 at 4:41 AM
FOMO with my friends still left in the city because De Blasio was the mayor when I lived there.
I am genuinely so happy for them and so jealous 😭
I am genuinely so happy for them and so jealous 😭
I really hate getting tired and having 40 pages left of a book. Getting older is a privilege and a TRAP.
November 5, 2025 at 4:10 AM
I really hate getting tired and having 40 pages left of a book. Getting older is a privilege and a TRAP.
I could literally tell you the exact teacher I had in high school who taught American history when we learned about term limits. I know school isn’t for everyone and people don’t always finish, but goddamn. For those of us who LISTENED it’s insane seeing everyone be this dumb.
Trump on a third term: "I would love to do it. I have the best numbers ever. Am I not ruling it out? You'll have to tell me."
October 27, 2025 at 8:51 PM
I could literally tell you the exact teacher I had in high school who taught American history when we learned about term limits. I know school isn’t for everyone and people don’t always finish, but goddamn. For those of us who LISTENED it’s insane seeing everyone be this dumb.
Reposted by Allison Gutierrez
The playbook for 22nd Amendment nullification is already being written with the attack on birthright citizenship: a group of unscrupulous right wing lawyers are going to hastily write some papers to make a “growing body of literature” claiming that the constitution doesn’t say what it plainly does.
Trump on a third term: "I would love to do it. I have the best numbers ever. Am I not ruling it out? You'll have to tell me."
October 27, 2025 at 8:44 PM
The playbook for 22nd Amendment nullification is already being written with the attack on birthright citizenship: a group of unscrupulous right wing lawyers are going to hastily write some papers to make a “growing body of literature” claiming that the constitution doesn’t say what it plainly does.
After I got my flu shot she told me to rub my arm and do arm circles later but I forgot to ask how many times and for how long so every 2 hours I’ve just been rubbing my arm and swinging it 5 times lol
October 23, 2025 at 10:23 PM
After I got my flu shot she told me to rub my arm and do arm circles later but I forgot to ask how many times and for how long so every 2 hours I’ve just been rubbing my arm and swinging it 5 times lol
I cannot tell you how satisfying it is when a client says “YOU’RE the manager?!” And I say yes and they absolutely choose not to receive that information 😂
October 3, 2025 at 12:11 AM
I cannot tell you how satisfying it is when a client says “YOU’RE the manager?!” And I say yes and they absolutely choose not to receive that information 😂
Reposted by Allison Gutierrez
Me on Chappelle in 2021: “Watching Chappelle contort himself to justify ashy ideas about gender, queerness and identity is harrowing, because the only thing more brutal than someone saying hurtful shit is someone saying hurtful shit moments after making you laugh…”
October 2, 2025 at 7:32 PM
Me on Chappelle in 2021: “Watching Chappelle contort himself to justify ashy ideas about gender, queerness and identity is harrowing, because the only thing more brutal than someone saying hurtful shit is someone saying hurtful shit moments after making you laugh…”
The pro and con of women being more likely to have autoimmune disorders is that I know so many women with pots and/or EDS that when I’m looking for a gift for one of them I ask another friend what would be a good treat yourself gift for them.
October 2, 2025 at 4:49 AM
The pro and con of women being more likely to have autoimmune disorders is that I know so many women with pots and/or EDS that when I’m looking for a gift for one of them I ask another friend what would be a good treat yourself gift for them.
In April I was on a flight back from Palm Springs and I sat next to a reality tv person who is famous. During the flight I had no idea it was her because I don’t watch a ton of reality show. My friend pointed her out when we landed. “Wait you sat next to *her*?” “Ugh yes 🙄 so annoying” “WHAT” 😂
October 2, 2025 at 2:01 AM
In April I was on a flight back from Palm Springs and I sat next to a reality tv person who is famous. During the flight I had no idea it was her because I don’t watch a ton of reality show. My friend pointed her out when we landed. “Wait you sat next to *her*?” “Ugh yes 🙄 so annoying” “WHAT” 😂
Okay so 2 summers ago my cat had an era where she was hunting and snacking on random crickets in my first floor apartment. Never had a bug issue but we lived by the pond so crickets sometimes happened. But if you don’t know, cat’s stomachs cannot handle the exoskeleton, so they get sick. Real cute
September 29, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Okay so 2 summers ago my cat had an era where she was hunting and snacking on random crickets in my first floor apartment. Never had a bug issue but we lived by the pond so crickets sometimes happened. But if you don’t know, cat’s stomachs cannot handle the exoskeleton, so they get sick. Real cute
The real tea is the conspiracy theory I have about myself is that I’m immune compromised but no doctor (and I only have women doctors) seem to think any of my symptoms/experiences/diagnoses are connected and I’m like 👀 I feel like I’m checking a lot of these boxes sis.
September 25, 2025 at 3:28 AM
The real tea is the conspiracy theory I have about myself is that I’m immune compromised but no doctor (and I only have women doctors) seem to think any of my symptoms/experiences/diagnoses are connected and I’m like 👀 I feel like I’m checking a lot of these boxes sis.
Woke up feeling like shit, tested negative for covid, went to work, made it to lunch and was like yeah I gotta go. I have zero energy in my body. It’s like someone turned off the power. Took a mucinex & told kiwi if I die in my sleep dad will take care of her. Jon did not think that was funny 🙃🤷🏽♀️
September 25, 2025 at 3:21 AM
Woke up feeling like shit, tested negative for covid, went to work, made it to lunch and was like yeah I gotta go. I have zero energy in my body. It’s like someone turned off the power. Took a mucinex & told kiwi if I die in my sleep dad will take care of her. Jon did not think that was funny 🙃🤷🏽♀️
We’re finishing up the kitchen remodel. Your 30s with the person you love is cool 10/10 would recommend
September 19, 2025 at 10:24 PM
We’re finishing up the kitchen remodel. Your 30s with the person you love is cool 10/10 would recommend
Reposted by Allison Gutierrez
Amused at all the tributes that are basically like here lies Robert Redford, who was hot
September 16, 2025 at 4:51 PM
Amused at all the tributes that are basically like here lies Robert Redford, who was hot
It kills me when people on ring ask if something was gunshots. Bruh. We live on the east side. Of course it was. Don’t act new or dumb 🙄
September 16, 2025 at 3:38 AM
It kills me when people on ring ask if something was gunshots. Bruh. We live on the east side. Of course it was. Don’t act new or dumb 🙄
Reposted by Allison Gutierrez
