Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 2d

Why do commercials still have lines like, “We care about our customers!”? It’s 2025! The jig is up, Corporations! We all know you’d suck our bones out of our skinsacks one by one if it juiced the stock price by 1/8 of a cent! Cut the shit! We’ll still probably buy your dumbass toaster!

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 3d

The Boomers spent my entire childhood telling me how evil genocide & fascism were, just over & over, and now they're like, "Actually, it's cool!". It feels a lot like that Kids in the Hall sketch where the guy's like, "Never put salt in your eyes. Never put salt in-- Always put salt in your eyes!"

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 4d

Wow, both Louis CK *and* Woody Allen have books out! It really feels like we're living through a literary renaissance! Wait, sorry, I get my words mixed up sometimes. I meant to say, it's like we're living through a Hieronymus Bosch painting of unaccountable humdrum pervs!

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 5d

Klarna thug breaking my fingers: "Maybe you should have thought about it a little longer before paying for your Skittles in four installments of 46 cents."

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 5d

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings...

Fantastic talk with musician Hannah Frances! Seasons of creativity, learning to not intellectualize your emotions, parts work & the messiness of life, therapy changing the creative process + MORE!

🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsHF

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 6d

If it wasn't so utterly destructive, the way capitalism's collapse allows the biggest frauds, losers and imbeciles to filter to the top of every single organization would be amusing. Like, what if the Illuminati were made up of Coen Brothers morons.

Phil Lewis @phillewis.bsky.social · 6d

Bari Weiss is set to be named the editor in chief of CBS News, the New York Post reports

Paramount Skydance is poised to name Bari Weiss as editor in chief of CBS News in the coming days — giving the hard-charging journalist unusual clout to revamp the struggling network as it also acquires her scrappy news site the Free Press, The Post has learned.

Weiss — a 41-year-old former New York Times opinion writer who has built the Free Press into a buzzworthy site with a contrarian bent — is expected to be named to the top post in a Monday announcement, although the talks are in flux and the timing could change, a source close to the situation said.

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 7d

Stephen Miller looking in the mirror: Napoleon + Hitler, that’s me!

Everyone else looking at Stephen Miller: Gollum and that laughing thing on Jabba’s throne, that’s him!

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 7d

Military guy in a movie: I know civilians might be killed in this operation, but I will bear the burden of this moral decision with honor and duty.

Military guy IRL: Look, I have a lunch to get to so can you just bomb that wedding and we'll... ooh, that leather jacket I ordered is finally shipping!

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 8d

Every character on Task: more Delco accents than a Narberth Wawa

Every actor on Task: an entire British panel show’s worth of UK accents

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Reposted by Andy Beckerman

Sen. Pumpkin Gogurt @ugarles.bsky.social · 8d

HEGSETH: *points to general's ribbon bars* "What'd you get that one for? Fucking your mother?"

GENERAL: *sternly* killing vietnamese children

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 8d

Naomi and I are about to head out to the Riyadh Comedy Festival! We’re not performing, but we couldn’t miss this line-up, probably doing the best sets of their lives! GPS says the drive is 137 hours and “you can’t drive through an ocean; please don’t do this” so we better get going!

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 9d

I don't think it's a real possibility, but it is insane that we live in an America where there is now a non-zero probability that I could be disappeared for this.

An idiotic remix of a Garfield strip where Jon becomes a Nazi.

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 10d

What acronym "ALF" originally stood for

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Reposted by Andy Beckerman

Couples Therapy Pod @couplestherapypod.bsky.social · 11d

Dissipate the MIASMA OF DESPAIR for an hour with a brand-new Patreon episode!

Welcome to I Said No Grifts! Here's what happens: Andy & Naomi narrowly avoid being swindled when @bridgerw.bsky.social tries to hoax them out of their life savings. Only on Patreon!

🔊 www.patreon.com/couplesthera...

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 12d

I found the Venn Diagram for this.

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 12d

RFK dismantling the American public health system has destroyed hundreds of thousands of human lives; however RFK spending all his time dismantling the American public health system has saved the lives of over 80,000 bears and whales.

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 13d

Why did I make this? Who is this for? What is the Venn Diagram of New French Extremity fans and MCU fans?

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 14d

Dems in 2035: “We are fighting for sensible policies for everyone. For example, if you are kidnapped by a gang of Nazis and held for ransom, the first $3000 of the ransom will be tax deductible for families making less than twice the poverty line.”

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 14d

This is real!

Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 15d

Can someone remind me, is it a sign of a healthy society when four or five times a day the topic comes up, “What’s your red line for escaping the country?”?

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 15d

Is it satire if it's actually plausible? Does satire exist anymore?

A picture of RFK with a made-up closed caption saying "We've found the cure for brown eyes. Human eyes are naturally blue, but small goblins ride light beams into your orbs and screw everything up. Eat a AAA battery every day to kill them." LIke, we're a week away from him actually saying this.

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 16d

Lorne's going all in

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Reposted by Andy Beckerman

Young Pete Toms @petetoms.bsky.social · 18d

IMF mission tapes. My dad wasn’t in the impossible mission force but he liked to huff the smoke from the self destructing tapes.

Carlos Estrada @ctothelos77.bsky.social · 20d

What is Dad playing?

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 19d

Some distraction from dystopia with a brand-new episode of Beginnings...

Good times with Pete and Ary of @anamanaguchi.bsky.social! Orchestral parents; orphaned grandpas; The Frank W. Berkman Award; posers, content & selling out + MORE!

🎧 tinyurl.com/BeginningsAn...

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Andy Beckerman @andybeckerman.bsky.social · 20d

Psychic in 2024: In the future, how would you like to live in a Spielberg film?

Me in 2024: Ooh, ET? Jurassic Park?

Psychic: How about Schindler's List?

Me: Uh...

Psychic: Or Indiana Jones?

Me: Okay...

Psychic: But like, just that part from Last Crusade with the Berlin book burning

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