Barfunk!
@barfunk.bsky.social
My behind is a beehive,
There's a buzz in my backside
There's a buzz in my backside
As someone with no redeeming qualities I have never been lucky enough to have had a "ride or die" friend. I'm thinking it's time to change that. First step, befriend total morons who have never met me.
December 19, 2025 at 7:15 AM
As someone with no redeeming qualities I have never been lucky enough to have had a "ride or die" friend. I'm thinking it's time to change that. First step, befriend total morons who have never met me.
Can't afford to cover your house in Christmas lights just like your neighbor? Grab a full length mirror and angle it so cars driving by will see your neighbor's house. No one will be the wiser.
December 12, 2025 at 2:16 AM
Can't afford to cover your house in Christmas lights just like your neighbor? Grab a full length mirror and angle it so cars driving by will see your neighbor's house. No one will be the wiser.
Couldn't believe it when I found out Daniel Radcliffe changed his name from Dan Radicalcliffe.
Mind blown when I found out why. Turns out there was a popular silent film actor named Dan Radicalcliff.
I think Danny Rad would've been a cooler choice but I hear his close friends call him that anyway.
Mind blown when I found out why. Turns out there was a popular silent film actor named Dan Radicalcliff.
I think Danny Rad would've been a cooler choice but I hear his close friends call him that anyway.
December 2, 2025 at 6:57 AM
Couldn't believe it when I found out Daniel Radcliffe changed his name from Dan Radicalcliffe.
Mind blown when I found out why. Turns out there was a popular silent film actor named Dan Radicalcliff.
I think Danny Rad would've been a cooler choice but I hear his close friends call him that anyway.
Mind blown when I found out why. Turns out there was a popular silent film actor named Dan Radicalcliff.
I think Danny Rad would've been a cooler choice but I hear his close friends call him that anyway.
My dad is dyslexic and whenever he leaves the gas station he always freaks out because he thinks he's out of gas.
November 15, 2025 at 5:51 AM
My dad is dyslexic and whenever he leaves the gas station he always freaks out because he thinks he's out of gas.
I think folks that don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" just think that "you're" is the fancy version.
October 22, 2025 at 5:16 AM
I think folks that don't know the difference between "your" and "you're" just think that "you're" is the fancy version.
Based on the hundreds of hours I enjoyed playing Battlefield 3 & 4 over a decade ago I bought Battlefield 6. Either everyone else got way better or I've reached total Unc status and have to stop playing these kind of games. Time to go back and play Quake 1 with the other Uncs.
October 20, 2025 at 12:42 AM
Based on the hundreds of hours I enjoyed playing Battlefield 3 & 4 over a decade ago I bought Battlefield 6. Either everyone else got way better or I've reached total Unc status and have to stop playing these kind of games. Time to go back and play Quake 1 with the other Uncs.
Just found out that most folks didn't grow up calling chicken and dumplings "chick and dump".
October 13, 2025 at 11:36 PM
Just found out that most folks didn't grow up calling chicken and dumplings "chick and dump".
I never knew how much mayo was barely missing my lip when eating sandwiches until I grew a moustache to catch it all.
October 10, 2025 at 1:59 PM
I never knew how much mayo was barely missing my lip when eating sandwiches until I grew a moustache to catch it all.
Whenever I those posts where someone ordered a fancy cake from a grocery store and it came out all wonky I just think of the person who tried and came up short. It's okay buddy, as long as you keep making those croissants for my egg salad sandwiches I still love you.
October 4, 2025 at 5:19 AM
Whenever I those posts where someone ordered a fancy cake from a grocery store and it came out all wonky I just think of the person who tried and came up short. It's okay buddy, as long as you keep making those croissants for my egg salad sandwiches I still love you.
Who chiropracts the chiropractor?
September 26, 2025 at 2:42 AM
Who chiropracts the chiropractor?
To everyone who thought it would be a good idea to touch tongues with me when I fell asleep on the bus with my mouth agape, I need to speak with you. It's very important. I woke up in love. Also, I think I have that disease you get from licking public toilets. I'm in a really weird place. <3
September 5, 2025 at 2:53 AM
To everyone who thought it would be a good idea to touch tongues with me when I fell asleep on the bus with my mouth agape, I need to speak with you. It's very important. I woke up in love. Also, I think I have that disease you get from licking public toilets. I'm in a really weird place. <3
Jesus made me tall too keep kids from snatching my glasses off my face all the time. I thank him every day.
September 4, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Jesus made me tall too keep kids from snatching my glasses off my face all the time. I thank him every day.
When I first heard of Tik Tok I thought it was a podcast for people with tourette syndrome.
August 30, 2025 at 7:05 PM
When I first heard of Tik Tok I thought it was a podcast for people with tourette syndrome.
Enjoying my drive back home from the store. Windows down. Music up. Passed a family in their yard. Realized my music was the Mortal Kombat movie sound track when it went "MORTAL KOMBAT!" as I pass. Laugh to myself. How funny and rare. Half a mile down it happens again. Skip track. Volume down.
August 30, 2025 at 1:59 AM
Enjoying my drive back home from the store. Windows down. Music up. Passed a family in their yard. Realized my music was the Mortal Kombat movie sound track when it went "MORTAL KOMBAT!" as I pass. Laugh to myself. How funny and rare. Half a mile down it happens again. Skip track. Volume down.
The local radio station always says "we'll play anything" and I've always rolled my eyes at that but today I tuned in to hear three solid minutes of a baby crying along with the boing-oing sound the thing behind a door makes when you pull it back and let it go.
No longer shall I eye roll.
No longer shall I eye roll.
August 23, 2025 at 11:27 PM
The local radio station always says "we'll play anything" and I've always rolled my eyes at that but today I tuned in to hear three solid minutes of a baby crying along with the boing-oing sound the thing behind a door makes when you pull it back and let it go.
No longer shall I eye roll.
No longer shall I eye roll.
Been thinking a lot about why I don't always feel like taking a shower.
August 20, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Been thinking a lot about why I don't always feel like taking a shower.
Flimsy has no need for shelter but appreciates the aesthetic the sticks provide.
August 12, 2025 at 1:57 PM
Flimsy has no need for shelter but appreciates the aesthetic the sticks provide.
Been a lot more planes in the sky and a lot more dead squirrels in the streets. Don't know what it means yet but something is going on.
Keep an eye out.
Keep an eye out.
August 6, 2025 at 7:36 PM
Been a lot more planes in the sky and a lot more dead squirrels in the streets. Don't know what it means yet but something is going on.
Keep an eye out.
Keep an eye out.
I shoulda been a cowboy.
The worst cowboy!
The worst cowboy!
August 1, 2025 at 8:29 PM
I shoulda been a cowboy.
The worst cowboy!
The worst cowboy!
I entered the cafe. The barista, blushing, began, "Are you—" I cut her off, "Yes." "Welcome, Senator." I tipped my hat and left.
July 23, 2025 at 7:05 PM
I entered the cafe. The barista, blushing, began, "Are you—" I cut her off, "Yes." "Welcome, Senator." I tipped my hat and left.
Turns out, Goof Off is not meant to be used as a body spray.
That still doesn't explain how effective it's been at calming me down.
That still doesn't explain how effective it's been at calming me down.
July 18, 2025 at 2:06 AM
Turns out, Goof Off is not meant to be used as a body spray.
That still doesn't explain how effective it's been at calming me down.
That still doesn't explain how effective it's been at calming me down.
The best thing about those augmented reality glasses is the live translation feature. The second best thing is its ability to convert every letter you see to Comic Sans.
Imma set my grandpa's AR glasses to Wingdings. His brain is gonna splode!
Imma set my grandpa's AR glasses to Wingdings. His brain is gonna splode!
July 16, 2025 at 3:51 PM
The best thing about those augmented reality glasses is the live translation feature. The second best thing is its ability to convert every letter you see to Comic Sans.
Imma set my grandpa's AR glasses to Wingdings. His brain is gonna splode!
Imma set my grandpa's AR glasses to Wingdings. His brain is gonna splode!
Helicopter? I barely knew her!
July 12, 2025 at 1:28 AM
Helicopter? I barely knew her!
I've been really struggling today because I saw a bucket hat online and I thought it looked kind of cool. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?
This has to be some sort of early warning sign.
This has to be some sort of early warning sign.
July 7, 2025 at 12:29 AM
I've been really struggling today because I saw a bucket hat online and I thought it looked kind of cool. Like, what am I supposed to do with that?
This has to be some sort of early warning sign.
This has to be some sort of early warning sign.
Favorite way to water plants? Hell, you know I love the hose!
July 4, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Favorite way to water plants? Hell, you know I love the hose!