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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩

@beardium.bsky.social

700 followers 460 following 3.9K posts

American by chance, not by choice. My YouTubes https://youtube.com/@josephlongwellbeardedturner?si=Nr42Z7DJC_7UGAlZ https://youtube.com/@longwellcraftworks?si=YVixuSxhEnXB4Dxl My online store: www.longwellcraftworks.com

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · Mar 16

Pushing on a pull door is how my shame spiral started this morning

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Forrest Plump @nahyoudoit.bsky.social · 2h

Who Am I Kidding: a memoir

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Humor For Resistance @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 1h

When you realize you've slept your way to the bottom

[pic of melania]

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 3h

There isn't even a wheelchair ramp. I don't even know what this guy was trying to do. Drywall screws holding the altar together, undersized extension cords to the work lights, no blood drain, etc. It's a mess

Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 3h

The previous owner didn't leave any. Tbh, he probably told me about it. But I was so busy avoiding his breath that smelled of sulfur and rotting flesh that I didn't catch it. I do remember him going on and about obtaining a sacrifice. Like, I get it dude, you're an emissary of Satan. 🙄

Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 4h

Living in a small, rural town has its advantages. The local doctor will come to my house with his trusty iron spike and hammer any time my head is inhabited by an evil spirit.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 4h

Does anyone know the building codes for a portal to Hell? I found one in the basement of this old home I inherited from an unknown deceased relative and I don't think it was installed to code.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 4h

I'm sure it's normal that the people in this painting I bought at an estate sale move around at night.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 5h

Don't get so triggered, man

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Lord Juiblex @lordjuiblex.bsky.social · 10h

LISTEN
to the
SOUND
of the ancient
FARTS

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Reposted by Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩

Humor For Resistance @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 9h

"Calm the fuck down. Damn. "
God forbid I be myself.

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Humor For Resistance @funnysnarkyjoke.bsky.social · 9h

Yeh, I blocked you, but chill out, you can still reach me thru homing pigeons.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 9h

It was the worst of times. It was the stupidest of times.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 9h

Just because I have to wear holsters for shoes doesn't mean my feet are fucked up😭

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 17h

Ever since I bought this house that was built on the graves of 20 witches, I've been feeling this constant sense of dread, fam

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Askme @askme99.bsky.social · 18h

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🌸Norma Jeen🌸 @normajeen.bsky.social · 22h

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 18h

Shooting myself in the foot with a foot shaped gun

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BrujoLoco☠️🖤🏺 @patnspankme.bsky.social · 18h

whenever in doubt, always hip thrust

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 1d

Shaving my beard for Halloween. Going as a chinless man

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Kim @kmbrly.bsky.social · 1d

Mark Carney is meeting with Fucknuts at the White House today and he will be far too diplomatic for my liking, I think Canada should have sent me instead.

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Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 1d

Humans are flawed and broken on a fundamental level

Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 1d

😂😂

Beard Al Yankmydick 💦🥩 @beardium.bsky.social · 1d

The long awaited sequel to Earnest Gets High

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 1d

Ernest Gets the Munchies

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Jenny Doesn’t Know @jennydoesntknow.bsky.social · 1d

Ernest Gets High

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