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@beefcarcass.bsky.social

4.8K followers 650 following 1.1K posts

Writer of stuff. Website: beefcarcass.com Posts: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaaatdk2bj2ce Tips appreciated: https://ko-fi.com/noahwesley avi by geraldinepiche.bsky.social

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · Jul 18

beefcarcass.com/that-time-i-...

THAT TIME I WENT TO THE MOVIES - beefcarcass.com

Do you wanna hear about that time I went to the movies? Why not? Are you too busy? Or are you just stupid? It's probably the stupid thing.

beefcarcass.com

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 2h

If I ever win the lottery, I won’t say anything, but there will be signs

Prostate exam simulator complete with tiny rubber balls and wiener

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 3h

Hair.

slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 3d

After nine Ant-Man movies I bet Paul Rudd has to eat like a pound of ants to get aroused sexually

Reposted by slice

Johnny Normality (Spooky Mode) @probgobl.in · 8d

WE SHOULD MAKE MORE HOLOGRAMS OF CELEBRITIES AND WE SHOULD MAKE THEM CAPABLE OF SUFFERING.

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 7d

Screaming at my infant son about how I’m a warrior and how I have the best warrior ethos

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 8d

I’m covered in rapture sauce

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 12d

If I ever lose an arm I’m stealing the arm of the closest person to me

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 14d

Oh no they only raptured my penis

slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 16d

But I’ve never sinned even one time

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 16d

When you guys get raptured can I have your stuff

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 16d

Increasingly optimistic about the coming post-rapture economy

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 16d

Clogging a toilet with a different toilet

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 17d

We are all charlie kirk

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Reposted by slice

crappystuffforjerks @somecleverthing.bsky.social · 19d

Well, Boatloaf, it began as a typo.
But as soon as I saw it I knew: one day it would be the name of my son.

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 18d

First date idea: I keep farting and vehemently refuse to stop

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Reposted by slice

slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · Sep 1

Getting road head on a bicycle

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 22d

Greg

slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 22d

Me and the boys are discussing our favorite Will Smith moments

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 22d

Guys they just fired me for taking off my mandatory rubber charlie kirk mask but in my defense it was really sweaty in there and the eyes were too close together

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 23d

Kirk drones: “NOOOOOO HE WASNT ADVOCATING THAT GAYS SHOULD BE STONED, HE WAS POINTING OUT HOW THE BIBLE CAN BE INTERPRETED IN MANY WAYS AND THATS WHY WE SHOULDNT LOVE OUR NEIGHBORS OR TAKE THE BIBLE TOO SERIOUSLY I GUESS BUT ALSO GAY PEOPLE SHOULDNT BE ALLOWED TO MARRY BECAUSE THE BIBLE SAYS SO AND”

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 24d

Do these rosaries make my asshole look fat

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 24d

Oh. I was hoping it’d be poop

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 24d

“Poop soup? Idk, what’s in it?”

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Reposted by slice

born miserable @bornmiserable.bsky.social · 25d

look, everybody grieves in their own way. some of us cry. some of us have unpredictable fits of anger. some of us are so devastated that we hire a professional video crew to film ourselves in the best light next to the corpse so the general public can truly understand the depths of our sadness

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slice @beefcarcass.bsky.social · 24d

Yesssss