My boyfriend and I are going on a date to Costco this Friday and I'm honestly so excited.
January 12, 2026 at 1:14 AM
My boyfriend and I are going on a date to Costco this Friday and I'm honestly so excited.
Why do women still, in the year of our Lord 2026, take a man's last name when they get married?
January 11, 2026 at 1:27 AM
Why do women still, in the year of our Lord 2026, take a man's last name when they get married?
Why have all my theater friends from high school and college become corporate shills? And am I really that much better just because I became a teacher?
January 6, 2026 at 2:32 AM
Why have all my theater friends from high school and college become corporate shills? And am I really that much better just because I became a teacher?
Carol: Man, I love trains.
Carol autistic confirmed
Carol autistic confirmed
January 4, 2026 at 2:07 AM
Carol: Man, I love trains.
Carol autistic confirmed
Carol autistic confirmed
Pluribus: *handing Carol the grenade* Yeah we figured you were being sarcastic but enough of us are autistic that we decided to take you seriously, just in case.
January 3, 2026 at 1:49 AM
Pluribus: *handing Carol the grenade* Yeah we figured you were being sarcastic but enough of us are autistic that we decided to take you seriously, just in case.
In defense of not deleting Facebook
January 1, 2026 at 1:47 AM
In defense of not deleting Facebook
It takes a special kind of evil to make your employees work the first 2 days Christmas week.
December 21, 2025 at 6:17 PM
It takes a special kind of evil to make your employees work the first 2 days Christmas week.
Student: Look, Miss! (Shows frozen water bottle) It froze in the car overnight.
Me: Oh, you shouldn't drink that. The UV rays from the sun would have broken down the plastic.
Student: I'm not planning on drinking it.
Me: Good.
Student: I'm just gonna chuck it at people
Me: Oh. Well...
Me: Oh, you shouldn't drink that. The UV rays from the sun would have broken down the plastic.
Student: I'm not planning on drinking it.
Me: Good.
Student: I'm just gonna chuck it at people
Me: Oh. Well...
December 20, 2025 at 12:05 AM
Student: Look, Miss! (Shows frozen water bottle) It froze in the car overnight.
Me: Oh, you shouldn't drink that. The UV rays from the sun would have broken down the plastic.
Student: I'm not planning on drinking it.
Me: Good.
Student: I'm just gonna chuck it at people
Me: Oh. Well...
Me: Oh, you shouldn't drink that. The UV rays from the sun would have broken down the plastic.
Student: I'm not planning on drinking it.
Me: Good.
Student: I'm just gonna chuck it at people
Me: Oh. Well...
My own personal hell is I have a slightly bad cold that's clogging up my sinuses and I have to breathe through my mouth and can't sleep
December 17, 2025 at 12:37 AM
My own personal hell is I have a slightly bad cold that's clogging up my sinuses and I have to breathe through my mouth and can't sleep
Theory: It Welcome to Derry season 2 is gonna have pennywise go after the parents of the kids in season 1 and ends with him killing Lily's dad at the pickle factory (the actual first kill of that cycle)
December 16, 2025 at 2:33 AM
Theory: It Welcome to Derry season 2 is gonna have pennywise go after the parents of the kids in season 1 and ends with him killing Lily's dad at the pickle factory (the actual first kill of that cycle)
"Tricia has 6 kids, all with chronic illnesses" heyyyyy girlie you shoulda stopped like 3 ir 4 kids ago
December 11, 2025 at 3:32 AM
"Tricia has 6 kids, all with chronic illnesses" heyyyyy girlie you shoulda stopped like 3 ir 4 kids ago
Is every single straight white man in the entire universe secretly a Republican?? I swear to God I have yet to meet a single straight white man who is actually liberal.
December 8, 2025 at 3:54 AM
Is every single straight white man in the entire universe secretly a Republican?? I swear to God I have yet to meet a single straight white man who is actually liberal.
Just saw a reddit post about hospital food that reminded me of the couple of times I had to stay at MGH when I lived in Boston, and the food staff were always so nice to me and made sure I got good food. My tonsils were swollen so one time they gave me popsicles 🥲
December 5, 2025 at 2:51 AM
Just saw a reddit post about hospital food that reminded me of the couple of times I had to stay at MGH when I lived in Boston, and the food staff were always so nice to me and made sure I got good food. My tonsils were swollen so one time they gave me popsicles 🥲
Reposted by Beekka 🐝
Taylor Swift (8 feet tall, limbs the length of anacondas) remains silent on the White House using her music. Meanwhile, Sabrina Carpenter (3 feet tall, fists too tiny to hold ladybugs) is charging headfirst at ICE, ready to pummel any rent-a-Nazi that dares to speak her name.
December 2, 2025 at 6:58 PM
Taylor Swift (8 feet tall, limbs the length of anacondas) remains silent on the White House using her music. Meanwhile, Sabrina Carpenter (3 feet tall, fists too tiny to hold ladybugs) is charging headfirst at ICE, ready to pummel any rent-a-Nazi that dares to speak her name.
The worst part about being autistic is being on the toilet during Thanksgiving and hearing someone back in the dining room talking about something and being wrong about it and you can't run in and correct them cuz you gotta finish your shit 😩
November 27, 2025 at 11:49 PM
The worst part about being autistic is being on the toilet during Thanksgiving and hearing someone back in the dining room talking about something and being wrong about it and you can't run in and correct them cuz you gotta finish your shit 😩
Not Victor's brother straight up telling him "Frankenstein is the monster" in the Guillermo del Torro movie
November 8, 2025 at 10:15 PM
Not Victor's brother straight up telling him "Frankenstein is the monster" in the Guillermo del Torro movie
Reposted by Beekka 🐝
Wedding Planner Gingerly Asks Taylor Swift If She’s Considered Dance Lessons https://theonion.com/wedding-planner-gingerly-asks-taylor-swift-if-shes-considered-dance-lessons/
October 24, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Wedding Planner Gingerly Asks Taylor Swift If She’s Considered Dance Lessons https://theonion.com/wedding-planner-gingerly-asks-taylor-swift-if-shes-considered-dance-lessons/
Does anyone else kinda not care about the jewels stolen from the Louvre?
October 24, 2025 at 8:39 PM
Does anyone else kinda not care about the jewels stolen from the Louvre?
Bro I can't even begin to tell you how little I care about pumpkins
October 23, 2025 at 1:44 AM
Bro I can't even begin to tell you how little I care about pumpkins
Just remembered a student said "You can tell which kids got the belt huh?" to me today 😭 yes sir I can
October 22, 2025 at 2:31 AM
Just remembered a student said "You can tell which kids got the belt huh?" to me today 😭 yes sir I can
"I am ready to face any challenge that may be foolish enough to face me."
October 13, 2025 at 4:39 AM
"I am ready to face any challenge that may be foolish enough to face me."
So excited for soup season 😋
October 6, 2025 at 2:08 AM
So excited for soup season 😋
An actual conversation I had with a student last year:
Student: "I don't know what a white-tailed deer is."
Me: "I mean... it's a species of deer. You've seen a deer before?"
Student: "Yeah, but I don't know if it was a white-tailed deer."
Me: "What color was its tail?"
Student: "White."
😐
Student: "I don't know what a white-tailed deer is."
Me: "I mean... it's a species of deer. You've seen a deer before?"
Student: "Yeah, but I don't know if it was a white-tailed deer."
Me: "What color was its tail?"
Student: "White."
😐
September 27, 2025 at 1:04 AM
An actual conversation I had with a student last year:
Student: "I don't know what a white-tailed deer is."
Me: "I mean... it's a species of deer. You've seen a deer before?"
Student: "Yeah, but I don't know if it was a white-tailed deer."
Me: "What color was its tail?"
Student: "White."
😐
Student: "I don't know what a white-tailed deer is."
Me: "I mean... it's a species of deer. You've seen a deer before?"
Student: "Yeah, but I don't know if it was a white-tailed deer."
Me: "What color was its tail?"
Student: "White."
😐