*holding an Oreo* they come in pints??????
January 18, 2026 at 11:28 PM
*holding an Oreo* they come in pints??????
My mother is doing everything in her power to not look at the road while driving
January 16, 2026 at 8:42 PM
My mother is doing everything in her power to not look at the road while driving
Reposted
*Rips your whole self off and beats you with it*
January 16, 2026 at 8:33 PM
*Rips your whole self off and beats you with it*
outside the womb
I used to be one of those twins that held my twin's hand and spoke in unison with him, but I was compelled by dark forces and absorbed him outside the womb
January 16, 2026 at 2:26 PM
outside the womb
Reposted
What none of you seem to comprehend is that while you’re all arguing about stupid shit online, I am running THOUSANDS of complex calculations in my head, and ALL of them are wrong as hell.
December 11, 2025 at 11:39 AM
What none of you seem to comprehend is that while you’re all arguing about stupid shit online, I am running THOUSANDS of complex calculations in my head, and ALL of them are wrong as hell.
Ah yes, my arch enemy, Exploder Baron. And his new sidekick *checks name tag* Son of Exploder Baron! Wait hang on you brought your son to this? This is fucked up Steven.
January 16, 2026 at 2:55 AM
Ah yes, my arch enemy, Exploder Baron. And his new sidekick *checks name tag* Son of Exploder Baron! Wait hang on you brought your son to this? This is fucked up Steven.
Here's the Thing.
*Points at a dog*
*Points at a dog*
January 16, 2026 at 2:47 AM
Here's the Thing.
*Points at a dog*
*Points at a dog*
*playing oblivion*
"Say, you're a thick one. Been running a lot?"
This would work in real life
"Say, you're a thick one. Been running a lot?"
This would work in real life
January 16, 2026 at 1:32 AM
*playing oblivion*
"Say, you're a thick one. Been running a lot?"
This would work in real life
"Say, you're a thick one. Been running a lot?"
This would work in real life
I love when my cat yawns
January 15, 2026 at 2:09 PM
I love when my cat yawns
*holding a magic lamp and about to be severely disappointed* and there's a Jenn in here you say? Which one?
January 15, 2026 at 2:15 AM
*holding a magic lamp and about to be severely disappointed* and there's a Jenn in here you say? Which one?
A serious scientist at CERN: No, I don't think putting the blood of Christ into the large hadron collider would open a gate to heaven. Yes, I see the vial. Is that even a certified relic? Well, the pope has his realm of authority and I have mine. No, it won't work.
January 15, 2026 at 2:12 AM
A serious scientist at CERN: No, I don't think putting the blood of Christ into the large hadron collider would open a gate to heaven. Yes, I see the vial. Is that even a certified relic? Well, the pope has his realm of authority and I have mine. No, it won't work.
Go on wizard, conjure your demons. Bring forth your beasts and creatures and werewolves. Summon your familiars. I have a gun.
January 15, 2026 at 2:05 AM
Go on wizard, conjure your demons. Bring forth your beasts and creatures and werewolves. Summon your familiars. I have a gun.
Reposted
drag name Malevolent Demiurge
January 15, 2026 at 12:36 AM
drag name Malevolent Demiurge
Reposted
Green eggs and SLAM
And welcome toast with JAM
And welcome toast with JAM
January 13, 2026 at 1:18 PM
Green eggs and SLAM
And welcome toast with JAM
And welcome toast with JAM
I take your hand, not romantically, but in the same way you pretend to steal a child's nose. Only, I take your hand.
January 13, 2026 at 2:43 AM
I take your hand, not romantically, but in the same way you pretend to steal a child's nose. Only, I take your hand.
You come around the corner and I show a bit of leg
January 13, 2026 at 2:38 AM
You come around the corner and I show a bit of leg
Reposted
The existence of a Good Charlotte implies the existence of a better band
January 13, 2026 at 12:38 AM
The existence of a Good Charlotte implies the existence of a better band
You turn on your new blender and everything around it spins and is blended. The objects within are solid, whole, unblended. A clever trick, but not what you intended. You'll have to get a refund.
January 13, 2026 at 2:30 AM
You turn on your new blender and everything around it spins and is blended. The objects within are solid, whole, unblended. A clever trick, but not what you intended. You'll have to get a refund.
Reposted
You can say Merry Protein again
January 12, 2026 at 7:57 AM
You can say Merry Protein again
incredible cat name 16000002927492738/10
we’re in the vet’s office waiting room and they just called for Agamemnon. we all looked at the Great Dane but it turns out Agamemnon is an orange kitten in a backpack that makes him look like an astronaut cheese puff
January 12, 2026 at 3:25 AM
incredible cat name 16000002927492738/10
Gonna download linked in and just slowly repost everything I've ever tweeted in order
January 11, 2026 at 11:30 PM
Gonna download linked in and just slowly repost everything I've ever tweeted in order
more
bigger
bigger
Big guns. Art by Philippe “Manchu” Bouchet, James Warhola, Clyde Caldwell, Scott Boilard
January 11, 2026 at 11:26 PM
more
bigger
bigger
*sliding through her DMs and into a spike pit*
January 11, 2026 at 11:25 PM
*sliding through her DMs and into a spike pit*
Ah yes, my favorite email "40 more meetings"
January 8, 2026 at 11:24 PM
Ah yes, my favorite email "40 more meetings"
Only the things I like will get you into heaven, the things you like are gargled horse balls
January 7, 2026 at 2:02 AM
Only the things I like will get you into heaven, the things you like are gargled horse balls