Tor
@bittertea.bsky.social
Writer, zinester, library worker in Portland. Ex-evangelical abuse survivor. Bigender trans weirdo (they/them)
zines: bitterteahymnal.gumroad.com
website: torlowell.neocities.org
blog: thewrongkindoftestimony.neocities.org
zines: bitterteahymnal.gumroad.com
website: torlowell.neocities.org
blog: thewrongkindoftestimony.neocities.org
Pinned
Tor
@bittertea.bsky.social
· Nov 15
Hi bsky, you should follow me if you like rambly posts and zines about abuse/survivor issues, the trauma of growing up in evangelical christianity, & being genderweird & gay
discovering the entirety of my personal possessions are vintage books, typewriters, and arts and crafts stuff.
we’re discovering on this move that most of our worldly possessions are books. which makes it sound like we have more books than we actually do, rather than we just don’t own a lot of stuff.
November 10, 2025 at 7:04 PM
discovering the entirety of my personal possessions are vintage books, typewriters, and arts and crafts stuff.
I see your open floor plan and raise you private hall that can be closed off from the living area
November 9, 2025 at 4:29 PM
I see your open floor plan and raise you private hall that can be closed off from the living area
also this move hasn’t felt real until I packed up my long arm stapler and took down all of the letters that ppl who bought my zines have sent me off my wall (yes I keep them on the wall)
November 8, 2025 at 1:11 AM
also this move hasn’t felt real until I packed up my long arm stapler and took down all of the letters that ppl who bought my zines have sent me off my wall (yes I keep them on the wall)
we’re discovering on this move that most of our worldly possessions are books. which makes it sound like we have more books than we actually do, rather than we just don’t own a lot of stuff.
November 8, 2025 at 1:09 AM
we’re discovering on this move that most of our worldly possessions are books. which makes it sound like we have more books than we actually do, rather than we just don’t own a lot of stuff.
if you throw old “family friendly” shows from the 90s you will be inundated by sexual harassment being the punchline just on the regular
November 7, 2025 at 2:49 AM
if you throw old “family friendly” shows from the 90s you will be inundated by sexual harassment being the punchline just on the regular
Our mail slot drops into this little cubby in our front closet because this house is charming as fuck
November 7, 2025 at 1:47 AM
Our mail slot drops into this little cubby in our front closet because this house is charming as fuck
Portland's the place where I can watch it rain in a puddle across the street for a good few minutes before it reaches me
November 5, 2025 at 7:29 PM
Portland's the place where I can watch it rain in a puddle across the street for a good few minutes before it reaches me
my personal theory of how we got to now is that 90s conservative Christianity promised Christians that obedience to purity culture would net them ENVY by the rest of the world. You would bypass all the sexual & relationship problems & in exchange non-Christians would *suffer* & be jealous of you
November 4, 2025 at 6:43 PM
my personal theory of how we got to now is that 90s conservative Christianity promised Christians that obedience to purity culture would net them ENVY by the rest of the world. You would bypass all the sexual & relationship problems & in exchange non-Christians would *suffer* & be jealous of you
no one told me that if you are prone to intrusive thoughts and ruminations that you’ve mostly managed to get under control, moving to a new house would make that anxiety have a FEAST on everything you can fixate on & obsess over
November 4, 2025 at 2:38 AM
no one told me that if you are prone to intrusive thoughts and ruminations that you’ve mostly managed to get under control, moving to a new house would make that anxiety have a FEAST on everything you can fixate on & obsess over
people who have never been poor genuinely cannot wrap their heads around poverty: not how expensive it is, nor how much things they don’t think of as costing money *cost money*
digging yourself out of the hole of poverty requires more money than you can fathom
digging yourself out of the hole of poverty requires more money than you can fathom
November 3, 2025 at 8:38 PM
people who have never been poor genuinely cannot wrap their heads around poverty: not how expensive it is, nor how much things they don’t think of as costing money *cost money*
digging yourself out of the hole of poverty requires more money than you can fathom
digging yourself out of the hole of poverty requires more money than you can fathom
the kind of anxiety that makes you want to vomit up your own skeleton
November 3, 2025 at 8:28 PM
the kind of anxiety that makes you want to vomit up your own skeleton
Watching the clouds from our upstairs window
November 3, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Watching the clouds from our upstairs window
The problem is that ppl who have the skills to write don't have AI do it, not even just from any poetic sense, but pragmatic creative control. But if you rely on AI bc don't have the skills, you can't vet the output. You don't know enough to know when its choices aren't working.
October 30, 2025 at 12:34 AM
The problem is that ppl who have the skills to write don't have AI do it, not even just from any poetic sense, but pragmatic creative control. But if you rely on AI bc don't have the skills, you can't vet the output. You don't know enough to know when its choices aren't working.
Reposted by Tor
Being a writer is mostly resisting the urge to start something new instead of finishing the thing that you’ve been putting off for most of your life.
October 29, 2025 at 5:22 AM
Being a writer is mostly resisting the urge to start something new instead of finishing the thing that you’ve been putting off for most of your life.
Moving itself is a liminal space. I am off my routine and my mental health is all over the place. People aren't real. Demons might be real and they hate me. Things live in the shadows and everything is alive but me who exists temporarily out of time
October 29, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Moving itself is a liminal space. I am off my routine and my mental health is all over the place. People aren't real. Demons might be real and they hate me. Things live in the shadows and everything is alive but me who exists temporarily out of time
My partner's wife found an old skeleton key that opens most of the original interior doors in the house & def looks like one of those keys ur Evil Stepmother uses after she flings you into your room & tells you there's no escape & you sob on your bed until you resolve to run away with your lover
October 26, 2025 at 1:39 AM
My partner's wife found an old skeleton key that opens most of the original interior doors in the house & def looks like one of those keys ur Evil Stepmother uses after she flings you into your room & tells you there's no escape & you sob on your bed until you resolve to run away with your lover
horror movies about creepy dolls don’t know what makes dolls creepy. the real raggedy anne annabelle is infinitely creepier than than the movie version. robert the haunted doll is creepy. dolls that hit juuuust the right note of uncanny valley are creepy. Bloody With Scary Smile Dolls are not creepy
October 24, 2025 at 10:34 PM
horror movies about creepy dolls don’t know what makes dolls creepy. the real raggedy anne annabelle is infinitely creepier than than the movie version. robert the haunted doll is creepy. dolls that hit juuuust the right note of uncanny valley are creepy. Bloody With Scary Smile Dolls are not creepy
one of the things I love about this place is that we have a speakeasy hatch (I had to double check with google that that’s actually what it’s called, and it is) so now anyone who knocks I can open it up and be like “what’s the codeword?????”
(the code word is gay and you can come in)
(the code word is gay and you can come in)
October 24, 2025 at 9:25 PM
one of the things I love about this place is that we have a speakeasy hatch (I had to double check with google that that’s actually what it’s called, and it is) so now anyone who knocks I can open it up and be like “what’s the codeword?????”
(the code word is gay and you can come in)
(the code word is gay and you can come in)
As we all know the first step of moving into a new place is making sure you put up Halloween decorations
October 24, 2025 at 8:22 PM
As we all know the first step of moving into a new place is making sure you put up Halloween decorations
reading a book about pdx architecture & learning that we had to fight hard to retain what bike and pedestrian friendliness we even have. What do you mean in the Harbor Drive days they wanted to really rip out so much of downtown to make it a dystopian car-friendly hell? this was not enough for you?
October 24, 2025 at 5:44 PM
reading a book about pdx architecture & learning that we had to fight hard to retain what bike and pedestrian friendliness we even have. What do you mean in the Harbor Drive days they wanted to really rip out so much of downtown to make it a dystopian car-friendly hell? this was not enough for you?
Sorry kids I don't care that one of your friends took One More Sticker from our jar than he was supposed to, no matter how much you gleefully are trying to get him in trouble. It's a sticker. You're in jr high. Commit petty thievery, idc
October 24, 2025 at 2:19 AM
Sorry kids I don't care that one of your friends took One More Sticker from our jar than he was supposed to, no matter how much you gleefully are trying to get him in trouble. It's a sticker. You're in jr high. Commit petty thievery, idc
Getting to work early (like I have to because public transit) always feels so embarrassing. Here I am sitting in the break room. Waiting.
October 23, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Getting to work early (like I have to because public transit) always feels so embarrassing. Here I am sitting in the break room. Waiting.
Living in crappy mobile homes most of my childhood, living in crappy apartments most of my adulthood and then moving to a house where I can be like “the cabinetry in the kitchen nook will store ALL of our tea” and then crying
October 23, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Living in crappy mobile homes most of my childhood, living in crappy apartments most of my adulthood and then moving to a house where I can be like “the cabinetry in the kitchen nook will store ALL of our tea” and then crying
Writing and thinking about how when the cishets know something is "funny" about you but not what they will accidentally use terms for you that definitely -mean- capital Q "Queer" even if they don't realize that's what theyre doing
October 22, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Writing and thinking about how when the cishets know something is "funny" about you but not what they will accidentally use terms for you that definitely -mean- capital Q "Queer" even if they don't realize that's what theyre doing