Bob Dole Daily
@bobdoledaily.bsky.social
Award-winning satire (right after we create an award and give it to ourselves), exclusively on Bluesky. The editor says that if this page hasn't been updated, that means nothing has happened.
News tips: [email protected]
News tips: [email protected]
EXCLUSIVE: We have obtained a copy of the rejected Trump Time Magazine cover.
October 15, 2025 at 2:00 AM
EXCLUSIVE: We have obtained a copy of the rejected Trump Time Magazine cover.
Shutdown update: The Presidential Diet Coke red button can now only be used to have tap water delivered.
October 13, 2025 at 2:18 AM
Shutdown update: The Presidential Diet Coke red button can now only be used to have tap water delivered.
President Trump holds special White House ceremony to award Presidential Medal of Freedom to "Phillies Karen".
September 9, 2025 at 6:43 PM
President Trump holds special White House ceremony to award Presidential Medal of Freedom to "Phillies Karen".
Alaska summit update: In exchange for taking America's only copy of the Epstein Files home with him, Vladimir Putin will receive Alaska. A ceasefire was not discussed.
August 15, 2025 at 9:23 PM
Alaska summit update: In exchange for taking America's only copy of the Epstein Files home with him, Vladimir Putin will receive Alaska. A ceasefire was not discussed.
🚨 BREAKING: Trump announces himself as 2025 Kennedy Center honoree for his cameo in 2000's "Playboy Video Centerfold: Playmate 2000 Bernaola Twins"
August 13, 2025 at 5:07 PM
🚨 BREAKING: Trump announces himself as 2025 Kennedy Center honoree for his cameo in 2000's "Playboy Video Centerfold: Playmate 2000 Bernaola Twins"
Opinion: With the incoming #Trump administration and the #MAGA stated pledge of "go woke, go broke", the time for Santa's socialist gift delivery scheme appears to be running out.
#Christmas
#Christmas
December 25, 2024 at 3:20 PM
Opinion: With the incoming #Trump administration and the #MAGA stated pledge of "go woke, go broke", the time for Santa's socialist gift delivery scheme appears to be running out.
#Christmas
#Christmas
This year was dubbed the "influencer election," with politicians using social media to engage young voters. Since when did our democracy depend on TikTok dances and Instagram likes?
December 24, 2024 at 12:53 AM
This year was dubbed the "influencer election," with politicians using social media to engage young voters. Since when did our democracy depend on TikTok dances and Instagram likes?
President Biden, you withdrew from the presidential race after that disastrous debate. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the Oval Office!
December 24, 2024 at 12:50 AM
President Biden, you withdrew from the presidential race after that disastrous debate. If you can't handle the heat, stay out of the Oval Office!
#Trump Declares #Greenland ‘Best Deal in Real Estate,’ Offers to Pay in Trump Steaks and MAGA Hats
December 23, 2024 at 5:29 PM
#Trump Declares #Greenland ‘Best Deal in Real Estate,’ Offers to Pay in Trump Steaks and MAGA Hats
Monday Musings:
"The government almost shut down again... reminds me of that time my toaster caught fire, and I saved the day by unplugging it. A hero every morning!"
"Gas prices are up again. Makes me miss the days when a quarter got you a gallon and a stern lecture about saving money."
"The government almost shut down again... reminds me of that time my toaster caught fire, and I saved the day by unplugging it. A hero every morning!"
"Gas prices are up again. Makes me miss the days when a quarter got you a gallon and a stern lecture about saving money."
December 23, 2024 at 5:23 PM
Monday Musings:
"The government almost shut down again... reminds me of that time my toaster caught fire, and I saved the day by unplugging it. A hero every morning!"
"Gas prices are up again. Makes me miss the days when a quarter got you a gallon and a stern lecture about saving money."
"The government almost shut down again... reminds me of that time my toaster caught fire, and I saved the day by unplugging it. A hero every morning!"
"Gas prices are up again. Makes me miss the days when a quarter got you a gallon and a stern lecture about saving money."
December 6, 2024 at 2:37 PM
WEATHER: Cold, snow turn upper Midwest and New England into world's largest escape room.
December 5, 2024 at 7:57 PM
WEATHER: Cold, snow turn upper Midwest and New England into world's largest escape room.
🚨 BREAKING: Trump expected to nominate Gritty to lead the Federal Reserve.
December 1, 2024 at 1:22 AM
🚨 BREAKING: Trump expected to nominate Gritty to lead the Federal Reserve.
10. "Natural Born Killers" (1994)
The perfect family movie if you want to question the nature of violence in the media while your aunt keeps interrupting to ask about your job prospects. It’ll definitely make you appreciate those 'small talk' moments.
The perfect family movie if you want to question the nature of violence in the media while your aunt keeps interrupting to ask about your job prospects. It’ll definitely make you appreciate those 'small talk' moments.
November 28, 2024 at 2:35 AM
10. "Natural Born Killers" (1994)
The perfect family movie if you want to question the nature of violence in the media while your aunt keeps interrupting to ask about your job prospects. It’ll definitely make you appreciate those 'small talk' moments.
The perfect family movie if you want to question the nature of violence in the media while your aunt keeps interrupting to ask about your job prospects. It’ll definitely make you appreciate those 'small talk' moments.
9. "The Room" (2003)
If your relatives are already acting a little offbeat, why not make it official with the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ cult classic? It’s full of awkward dialogue, questionable acting, and non-sequiturs—pretty much the exact opposite of a coherent holiday dinner conversation.
If your relatives are already acting a little offbeat, why not make it official with the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ cult classic? It’s full of awkward dialogue, questionable acting, and non-sequiturs—pretty much the exact opposite of a coherent holiday dinner conversation.
November 28, 2024 at 2:34 AM
9. "The Room" (2003)
If your relatives are already acting a little offbeat, why not make it official with the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ cult classic? It’s full of awkward dialogue, questionable acting, and non-sequiturs—pretty much the exact opposite of a coherent holiday dinner conversation.
If your relatives are already acting a little offbeat, why not make it official with the ‘so-bad-it’s-good’ cult classic? It’s full of awkward dialogue, questionable acting, and non-sequiturs—pretty much the exact opposite of a coherent holiday dinner conversation.
8. "A Serbian Film" (2010)
For those who really think ‘family togetherness’ should involve testing the limits of human endurance and comfort, this is a must-see. It's the film equivalent of inviting your most overbearing relative to take over the entire dinner conversation.
For those who really think ‘family togetherness’ should involve testing the limits of human endurance and comfort, this is a must-see. It's the film equivalent of inviting your most overbearing relative to take over the entire dinner conversation.
November 28, 2024 at 2:33 AM
8. "A Serbian Film" (2010)
For those who really think ‘family togetherness’ should involve testing the limits of human endurance and comfort, this is a must-see. It's the film equivalent of inviting your most overbearing relative to take over the entire dinner conversation.
For those who really think ‘family togetherness’ should involve testing the limits of human endurance and comfort, this is a must-see. It's the film equivalent of inviting your most overbearing relative to take over the entire dinner conversation.
7. "Antichrist" (2009)
If you want a Thanksgiving feast that's a little too spicy, why not introduce your relatives to Lars von Trier’s blend of grief, violence, and disturbing imagery? It’s like ‘The Lion King,’ but for people who feel deeply uncomfortable with happiness.
If you want a Thanksgiving feast that's a little too spicy, why not introduce your relatives to Lars von Trier’s blend of grief, violence, and disturbing imagery? It’s like ‘The Lion King,’ but for people who feel deeply uncomfortable with happiness.
November 28, 2024 at 2:32 AM
7. "Antichrist" (2009)
If you want a Thanksgiving feast that's a little too spicy, why not introduce your relatives to Lars von Trier’s blend of grief, violence, and disturbing imagery? It’s like ‘The Lion King,’ but for people who feel deeply uncomfortable with happiness.
If you want a Thanksgiving feast that's a little too spicy, why not introduce your relatives to Lars von Trier’s blend of grief, violence, and disturbing imagery? It’s like ‘The Lion King,’ but for people who feel deeply uncomfortable with happiness.
6. "The Human Centipede" (2009)
When your family asks what movies you like, why not answer with ‘extreme body horror’ followed by the ultimate conversation killer? This is THE choice to ensure no one talks to you again, and that’s exactly what you need after that third serving of mashed potatoes.
When your family asks what movies you like, why not answer with ‘extreme body horror’ followed by the ultimate conversation killer? This is THE choice to ensure no one talks to you again, and that’s exactly what you need after that third serving of mashed potatoes.
November 28, 2024 at 2:30 AM
6. "The Human Centipede" (2009)
When your family asks what movies you like, why not answer with ‘extreme body horror’ followed by the ultimate conversation killer? This is THE choice to ensure no one talks to you again, and that’s exactly what you need after that third serving of mashed potatoes.
When your family asks what movies you like, why not answer with ‘extreme body horror’ followed by the ultimate conversation killer? This is THE choice to ensure no one talks to you again, and that’s exactly what you need after that third serving of mashed potatoes.
5. "Mother!" (2017)
If your relatives are still talking about how ‘crazy’ your last Thanksgiving was, why not make it really crazy by showing them a film about chaos, destruction, and existential despair? Perfect for those who think family dinners are lacking in symbol-laden, surreal horror."
If your relatives are still talking about how ‘crazy’ your last Thanksgiving was, why not make it really crazy by showing them a film about chaos, destruction, and existential despair? Perfect for those who think family dinners are lacking in symbol-laden, surreal horror."
November 28, 2024 at 2:28 AM
5. "Mother!" (2017)
If your relatives are still talking about how ‘crazy’ your last Thanksgiving was, why not make it really crazy by showing them a film about chaos, destruction, and existential despair? Perfect for those who think family dinners are lacking in symbol-laden, surreal horror."
If your relatives are still talking about how ‘crazy’ your last Thanksgiving was, why not make it really crazy by showing them a film about chaos, destruction, and existential despair? Perfect for those who think family dinners are lacking in symbol-laden, surreal horror."
4. "Battle Royale" (2000)
What better way to show your appreciation for your family than by watching a bunch of teenagers try to murder each other on a deserted island? It's an ideal film for moments when you're thinking, 'I wish I could go on a getaway...alone...and maybe with a few more weapons.'
What better way to show your appreciation for your family than by watching a bunch of teenagers try to murder each other on a deserted island? It's an ideal film for moments when you're thinking, 'I wish I could go on a getaway...alone...and maybe with a few more weapons.'
November 28, 2024 at 2:27 AM
4. "Battle Royale" (2000)
What better way to show your appreciation for your family than by watching a bunch of teenagers try to murder each other on a deserted island? It's an ideal film for moments when you're thinking, 'I wish I could go on a getaway...alone...and maybe with a few more weapons.'
What better way to show your appreciation for your family than by watching a bunch of teenagers try to murder each other on a deserted island? It's an ideal film for moments when you're thinking, 'I wish I could go on a getaway...alone...and maybe with a few more weapons.'
3. "Eyes Wide Shut" (1999)
A Kubrick classic to bring the family together—nothing says 'Thanksgiving dinner' like uncomfortable scenes of marital infidelity, orgies, and psychological torment. It’s a real conversation starter when you’d rather avoid talking about your personal life.
A Kubrick classic to bring the family together—nothing says 'Thanksgiving dinner' like uncomfortable scenes of marital infidelity, orgies, and psychological torment. It’s a real conversation starter when you’d rather avoid talking about your personal life.
November 28, 2024 at 2:25 AM
3. "Eyes Wide Shut" (1999)
A Kubrick classic to bring the family together—nothing says 'Thanksgiving dinner' like uncomfortable scenes of marital infidelity, orgies, and psychological torment. It’s a real conversation starter when you’d rather avoid talking about your personal life.
A Kubrick classic to bring the family together—nothing says 'Thanksgiving dinner' like uncomfortable scenes of marital infidelity, orgies, and psychological torment. It’s a real conversation starter when you’d rather avoid talking about your personal life.
2. "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" (1974)
Because after spending hours in the kitchen, the last thing you want is a comforting movie. Why not watch a group of friends get slaughtered in the most grotesque way imaginable? It’ll be a great ice-breaker for that relative who’s way too into true crime.
Because after spending hours in the kitchen, the last thing you want is a comforting movie. Why not watch a group of friends get slaughtered in the most grotesque way imaginable? It’ll be a great ice-breaker for that relative who’s way too into true crime.
November 28, 2024 at 2:24 AM
2. "The Texas Chain Saw Massacre" (1974)
Because after spending hours in the kitchen, the last thing you want is a comforting movie. Why not watch a group of friends get slaughtered in the most grotesque way imaginable? It’ll be a great ice-breaker for that relative who’s way too into true crime.
Because after spending hours in the kitchen, the last thing you want is a comforting movie. Why not watch a group of friends get slaughtered in the most grotesque way imaginable? It’ll be a great ice-breaker for that relative who’s way too into true crime.
"Requiem for a Dream" (2000)
What better way to kick off a cozy family gathering than by subjecting everyone to a depressing, soul-crushing tale of addiction? It’s the perfect film for bonding—nothing says ‘family fun’ like a discussion of the limits of human suffering.
What better way to kick off a cozy family gathering than by subjecting everyone to a depressing, soul-crushing tale of addiction? It’s the perfect film for bonding—nothing says ‘family fun’ like a discussion of the limits of human suffering.
November 28, 2024 at 2:22 AM
"Requiem for a Dream" (2000)
What better way to kick off a cozy family gathering than by subjecting everyone to a depressing, soul-crushing tale of addiction? It’s the perfect film for bonding—nothing says ‘family fun’ like a discussion of the limits of human suffering.
What better way to kick off a cozy family gathering than by subjecting everyone to a depressing, soul-crushing tale of addiction? It’s the perfect film for bonding—nothing says ‘family fun’ like a discussion of the limits of human suffering.