Trump tasking Bondi with finding a legal framework to recommute Biden's turkey pardons into death sentences, then fucking up whatever Thanksgiving pun he tries to make in his Truth announcement.

Red Dawn Doughnuts.

I'd make soap, but i figure if you're deep-frying your turkey, you probably shouldn't handle lye in the first place.

Guy who looks like two seconds after opening the Ark of the Covenant insists hundreds of millions of people follow his diet for healthy living.

if i had a billion dollars i would simply not crash out at the slightest ego check i had to face i'd simply go "well i've got this billion dollars, i'mma go down gofundme for sick dogs and just pay for everything until i'm all cheered up"

Greatest city on the globe if you're not in one of the plane-crash towers.

Turkish graft, most likely.

All of pop culture has become gross defiance of @pattonoswalt.bsky.social's "At Midnight I Will Kill George Lucas With a Shovel."

They explain how the witch got green, how she got her hat, her cape, her broom, how the monkeys got wings, how the lion become scared of things, and the sequel will cover how people became the tin man and scarecrow, but they never once explain why she's called Ariana Grande when she isn't very big

Freudenfreude?