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I'm actually good in most hoods. I'm valid
judge: the court would like to stress that you are still under oath
me: uuh. I can't go anywhere they all hate my ass

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Reposted by Ceej

Brendel @brendelbored.bsky.social · Aug 21

NFTs were a bubble, AI is a bubble, but small carvings of large hipped women have remained popular with unsettling lighthouse keepers for 200 years, invest with confidence

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Reposted by Ceej

dan mentos @danmentos.com · Aug 20

DOCTOR: your grandma has suffered a hip dislocation

ME: lol hold on *pulls out phone* “what idiot called it a trendy rap battle venue instea

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 20

I can tell you that my kids have made the shift, and my wife does not fuckin like it

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 20

Oh, I might use that

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Reposted by Ceej

arr @arr.bsky.social · Jul 1

There's a cool special feature on the Nosferatu blu-ray where they detail Robert Eggers' famously meticulous research methods and there's even a thing where you can explore his actual Google search history

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 20

my wife: have you written to your dad since your uncle passed?
me: I'm typing it out now
what I'm typing: gimme da beans boys/fill my bowl/ top it all off with some guacamole (said like whack a mole)

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 20

why do I work out in jeans? easy. I like to swim in the pond before the gym, so I already have them on,

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 19

Only option it actually went through both hands as well

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 19

posing like I caught the arrow mid flight between my palms but my enemy can clearly see it's lodged in my forehead

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 19

(bragging coyly because I know damn well it's my turn) oh my gosh guys, do you hear the bell I wonder for whom it tolls

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Reposted by Ceej

David_j_roth @davidjroth.bsky.social · Aug 19

I love to show up every day for my job, which is standing around holding the front of my tactical vest and getting told to choke to death by thousands of passers-by while 11 of my coworkers handcuff a roofer on his way to work. Every night I drive 80 minutes home, thinking about nothing at all.

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Aug 18

when I say "that's water under the bridge" understand that the body of water is a stagnant pond of grudge slime, and I live under the bridge

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Ceej @ceejoyner.bsky.social · Jul 23

Chuggo reference detected

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